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  1. #1
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    Default It's OK not to share?

    I'm reading a book with this title by Heather Shumaker. So far I'm enjoying it. It's very interesting and makes sense.

    It's got rave reviews on amazon, but I was just wondering if anyone else on bubhub has read it and what they think of it?

    The book is aimed at parents with toddlers aged 2-6 and I don't have one of those yet... will do next year. Has anyone tried out her advice with their toddler and does it work, has it made a difference?

  2. #2
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    It does look interesting.

    I find other parent's rules are the major problem, and this gets more of an issue as kids get older.

    Other parents have said 'use your inside voice' (my kid said "huh?" cos its not a term we use). 'you need to say sorry' 'you need to share....'

    i don't want a robot child, and find i have to be quite vigilant watching what other parents/adults say to my kids .

  3. #3
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    Do you mind if I ask why it doesn't encourage sharing? Genuinely curious

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbles10 View Post
    It does look interesting.

    I find other parent's rules are the major problem, and this gets more of an issue as kids get older.

    Other parents have said 'use your inside voice' (my kid said "huh?" cos its not a term we use). 'you need to say sorry' 'you need to share....'

    i don't want a robot child, and find i have to be quite vigilant watching what other parents/adults say to my kids .
    Hi @Bubbles10

    Genuinely interested - what issue do you have with these expressions and what sort of 'rules' (or lack of) do you use instead?

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  6. #5
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    Lol, snap OurLittleBlessing!

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  8. #6
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    Sounds interesting.. Subbing

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    @Kooglekat
    I will try to explain, but i'm not feeling too well, and having trouble with my vocab and expression.

    'use your inside voice' We don't use this term, my dd responds well to concrete terms. The other parent was getting annoyed because my dd wasn't doing what she wanted. My dd had no idea what she wanted. I don't expect my dd to be quiet at all times, but when i do need her to be quieter i would tell her that she was being too loud, and i needed her to be quiet if she wanted to stay in the place we were in.

    'you need to say sorry' My dd showed empathy for others before she knew the word sorry. If someone was crying, she would rub their arm. Someone (in our life) began the 'you have to say sorry' blah blah, and it just resulted in fake apologies that didn't mean anything. If dd hurt another person, I would much rather talk about how the other child might be feeling, and if she wanted to check if they were ok. she might not want to do that straight away, and that's ok too.

    there is an article here that discusses why some people dont force their kids to say sorry. http://www.babble.com/kid/dont-say-sorry-children/

    'you need to share....' again, some parents get so caught up in making things 'fair' that they miss out on letting the kids work things out, and learning that sometimes you have to wait.
    One child might have a very special toy (one they sleep with or that they have just been given) and they have a great sense of ownership over that toy. I don't believe that they should have to equally share this toy with another child who doesn't have the same sense of ownership/love for this toy.

    does any of that make sense? i don't expect others to agree with it all, i have already found that among friends/family/aquaintances but i'm hoping it kinda makes sense.

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  11. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbles10 View Post
    @Kooglekat

    does any of that make sense? i don't expect others to agree with it all, i have already found that among friends/family/aquaintances but i'm hoping it kinda makes sense.
    Thank you for taking the time to write that and yes, it certainly makes sense

    We have been having to think a lot about the sharing issue lately as DS2 is crawling, and going after DS1's toys. Your perspective is really helpful

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    Thanks bubbles, that does make a lot of sense.

    I agree for the most part. In regard to sharing, there are one or two toys I don't ask my children to share with friends or even with each other, as I feel that everyone is entitled to something special that is just their own.

    However, I do 'make' them share 95% of their things. I actually think this does encourage waiting etc. For example at Kinder today there were 5 or 6 children all wanting the swing, so they took a shortish turn each. A couple of the children wanted a second turn before all of the children had their fist turn, so I asked them to wait.

    There was one child who didn't want to wait, and wanted a second turn... what would you do differently? I am so interested, I love hearing other ways of doing things!

  13. #10
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    I haven't read this book yet but its on my Amazon wish list. From my understanding it's not giving the message that children should never share or take turns, it's rather about not forcing children to share their prized possessions and not making them instantly give something up the moment another child wants it. Correct me if I'm wrong.

    I don't know what the other 'renegade rules' are in the book but I'm really curious. I'm wondering if it's a bit like Louise Porter's "Children are people too"?

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