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  1. #1
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    Default Swearing worse than a sailor

    Hoping someone can please help me with my dilemma. My four year old uses the F word constantly. He initially heard it from my husband's employees (tradesmen who use that word constantly without even realising) and sometimes my husband. At first we ignored it, then told our son to use another word instead (oops) which initially worked as he would say F, then oops. It was used quite randomly, but then it became more purposeful and directed at us. Now he uses it ALL the time, to the point where it is really upsetting me. He knows that when he uses that word, it gets a rise out of me and I get really cranky at him; so when he's in trouble (being naughty, not listening etc), he directs it at me in such anger. F mumma, F it mumma, I'm using this f-ing language mumma, F F F. It says it with such rage and anger, shouting it right into my face. This is usually at home, but he often says it out in public. I've tried washing his mouth with soap (didn't work as he spat it all over the floor - more work for me to clean it up), smacking, ignoring, shouting, time out chair, removing privileges such as tv ... nothing works. What can I do? Please help!

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    Can I ask (without hopefully not offending)? Do you and your husband argue in front of him and use this kind of language?

    Is your husband still using this language?

    For him to know how to use it in the right context it suggests he hears it a lot. I would be pulling up your husband and his friends and saying that language is not acceptable in your house.

    In regards to the child, I don't have older kids so I really don't know, but I'm going to throw some ideas out there..

    Perhaps if you stop reacting to him saying it and simply ignore him when he's on a violent rage, maybe he will realise that it's not something that's going to trigger a reaction and he will just move on to something else?


    Married to my soul mate, Mummy to one beautiful little girl, wishing for a little boy to complete our family.

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    People actually still wash kids mouths out with soap?! I try to keep open minded on here but my gosh!!

    Agree with pp, try having no reaction. You said it yourself, he is doing it to get a rise out of you.

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  6. #4
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    Ignore ignore ignore.

    It's only a word. If you ignore it and don't react it loses it's currency.

    DS1 (4) has dropped the f bomb occasionally but we just ignore it and I don't think he's even aware it's a word worse than idiot or silly. He uses it as a noun - "the dog is being a f***ing" - I have a little internal giggle and just pretend I didn't hear it.

    I would not, however, accept the behaviour of shouting in your face etc. I'd make it clear such rude behaviour is not acceptable and I would remove prized possessions for 24 hours as a consequence.

    ETA: also help him to identify the feelings that caused his outburst ("you are feeling frustrated because...") and give him alternative ways to cope, like taking a deep breath, going to his room for some quiet time, etc
    Last edited by grumpybump; 16-12-2013 at 23:27.

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    OP washing your child's mouth out with soap is against the law. So please don't do it again.

    Your child is learning to shout and be aggressive somewhere. Do you and your husband model good behaviour? Do you speak nicely to each other and the children and remain as calm as possible during disagreements?

    Most children go through fases of swearing, they hear it somewhere and repeat it. I'd be more concerned about the level of anger in your household, yelling, screaming and smacking.

    Maybe try looking at some gentle parenting techniques.
    I hope you come to a resolution soon.

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    I told my at the time 3 year old that when he uses words like that, that it makes mummy sad & I cry. Worked a treat, he hasn't said it since. His new favourite saying is 'don't say that word mummy/daddy


    DH 37 + me 33 = DS1 March 2010 & DS2 July 2013

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    Instead of abusing your child by washing his mouth out with soap how about you tell your hubby and his work mates to pull their heads in and stop beig ferral around your son. Lead by example!

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    I tell my kids that those words are adult words, and when they are adults they can use them, but seeing as they're kids now it sounds really yucky.

    I would be more concerned OP about the screaming in your face. How has he learnt to be so aggressive, especially towards his mother??

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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    I tell my kids that those words are adult words, and when they are adults they can use them, but seeing as they're kids now it sounds really yucky.

    I would be more concerned OP about the screaming in your face. How has he learnt to be so aggressive, especially towards his mother??
    I agree - although If someone washed my mouth out with soap and then blamed me for the mess I would scream and get aggressive too

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  16. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elijahs Mum View Post
    I agree - although If someone washed my mouth out with soap and then blamed me for the mess I would scream and get aggressive too
    Too true!


 

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