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  1. #21
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    He's lying about it and bingeing. He is an alcoholic. I'm sorry. I lived with one for a time (an ex) and I know these are two big signs. So is getting moody when going without. Can you try to get him to a GP? A liver function test might be the wake up call he needs or a chat with the dr might help him to realise there is a problem.
    Alcoholism can have devastating consequences, it's best to act as soon as you suspect something. BUt there is a very good chance he won't cooperate as he won't want to hear it. Any chance of getting him to couples counselling?

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    Once or twice a year.

    He needs to grow up. If he wanted to be able to go out drinking soboften he shouldn't have had a family.

    He has a drinking problem if he can't control the urge to drink.

    It's not acceptable behavior to teach your daughter.

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    It is not acceptable and it sounds like he has a significant problem with alcohol.

    I would not let him lie around in bed all day, he needs to get up and do his normal stuff.

    Is it affecting his work?

  5. #24
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    Okay this is going to sound bad... to put it in perspective he was in a job he hated for over a year, looking for another one the whole time and getting nowhere, the job market seems to be a toughie at the moment. He quit his job over a month ago because he couldn't take it any longer. We have enough money to survive about six months or so and he is actively job hunting. But he is not working at the moment.

    He did used to take "sickies" so that he could have a midweek night out.

  6. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by changethestars View Post
    Okay this is going to sound bad... to put it in perspective he was in a job he hated for over a year, looking for another one the whole time and getting nowhere, the job market seems to be a toughie at the moment. He quit his job over a month ago because he couldn't take it any longer. We have enough money to survive about six months or so and he is actively job hunting. But he is not working at the moment.

    He did used to take "sickies" so that he could have a midweek night out.
    You're right, that does sound bad, it is bad. Sorry but in my opinion an adult doesn't just quit a job because they hate it unless they have another one to go to. What are you going to do if he can't find another job and all your savings are gone ?

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    Quote Originally Posted by changethestars View Post
    Okay this is going to sound bad... to put it in perspective he was in a job he hated for over a year, looking for another one the whole time and getting nowhere, the job market seems to be a toughie at the moment. He quit his job over a month ago because he couldn't take it any longer. We have enough money to survive about six months or so and he is actively job hunting. But he is not working at the moment.

    He did used to take "sickies" so that he could have a midweek night out.
    Taking stickies to have a night out is another major red flag. I'm sorry but I think you need to get him to realise he needs help.

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  9. #27
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    hi changethestars, he has lost one job because of drinking midweek?? I know you said he hated the job, but could it be that his drinking was more important?? He has a serious problem here. I am certain of it. What will you do once the 6 months of savings is gone and he hasn't found a job he likes?? How much is he spending on these drinking episodes?? Sorry to keep pushing the point, but he really does need help, and you cant do it for him. He needs to see the damage he is doing, and to stop his behaviour. hugs, Marie.

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    Big, big issue there, taking sickies to binge drink is really worrying.

    He needs help.

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    No he didn't lose the job because of drinking. If he doesn't find a job within six months then I have to go back to work until he finds something.

    He has cut down on the spending on alcohol since he quit. He is quite financially sensible. He goes to mates places or whatever mostly now.

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    OP, I personally could not put up with that. As it is I hate it when my DH goes on benders, no matter how many times per month.

    He has gone out almost every weekend for the past 5/6 weeks and I'm over it. The reason being that everyone seems to have their chrissie parties, bucks parties etc this time of year.

    My DH is 36 and I see no signs of it stopping any time soon. I can't and don't stop him from going out, if I tried, it would just end in a huge argument. Our DS is 2.5 and we have another on the way.

    Lucky for me, DH learnt very early on, if he goes out, that's just tough ****, he is STILL a father with duties and responsibilities the day after, therefore, he gets no sleep in, he would not dream of sleeping all day, ever. I generally let him sleep in the mornings when I wake up, but once DS wakes, he gets up anyway as can't sleep through the noise. I do sometimes make him breakfast, but that's mainly for my own benefit so he has a full stomach and recovers a bit quicker, haha.

    I would not be happy if he went out that frequently and then spent the rest of the day sleeping it off! No way! Especially since, being a mother, we are on duty 24/7 and i never get to sleep in or have the day off. This just works for us. Lucky for me, DH isn't the type to want to stay in bed all day anyway, he gets too agitated.

    I see and understand where you are coming from, the only thing I could suggest is talking about and and Laying down a few ground rules, like if for eg he goes out, he still has to get up the next day and help, and then maybe you get a day off as well etc. the easier you make it for him, the more he will keep doing it

    Otherwise counseling may help?


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