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  1. #21
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    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    I CBF quoting people, but I suppose I would like my DP to share some of his less rough and tumble pursuits with DS. It's interesting because DP is soooo not a blokey bloke. Hates huntin' and fishin'. He's a designer who wears pink shirts. He is very very creative, but doesn't particularly share that with DS. It will be interesting to chat to him about it when he gets home, I wonder if he is somewhat over compensating for his lack of blokiness, or whether that side of him just naturally comes out with another male in the house.

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    My hubby likes a good wrestle with DS. I do too.... DS plays on his own a lot and hubby and I will occasionally pop our head in and join in on whatever DS is doing (whether it be trampoline, bike, drawing, puzzles, dolls, singing). So I suppose we give DS a range of toys and let him take the lead but it it comes down to it we are probably both more blokey with our play. I think that has a lot to do with how we are raised, the things we were exposed to by our parents. I don't buy the view that boys like cars and rooting just because they are boys.

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    My DP follows my DS's lead - right now they are playing with the toy kitchen pretending to make cups of tea for mum an hour ago they were chasing each other around the lounge & wrestling. This morning when my DS was walking around the house wearing my beads, DP told him how pretty he looked

    So yes DP will do "blokey" things with our son - they spend a lot of time outdoors together - but DP is equally as happy playing quiet, more "feminine" games with him

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    I absolutely agree 100% with @delirium that there is some biological differences between males and females and this can impact the toys/games they choose to play with. For example, when girls are given trucks to play with, they play with them in a different manner to how boys play with them.

    DH and DS do Lego, build cubby houses, lots of rough housing ,etc

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    DS is only 5 mths, so too early to tell how that will all pan out. However, DH plays in a range of ways with our 7 yo DD. DH is the gardener and animal keeper in the family, so he's taught DD to nurture our many pets and small vegie patch. They do building projects together, like a kennel for our new pup. But DH also let's DD paint his nails and play hairdressers with him. They love turning our dining chairs, throw pillows and blankets into a pirate ship and sailing the high seas. He doesn't read with her because he doesn't enjoy it and that's my favourite thing to do with her, but I find he has much more patience for imaginative play than me.

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    When I was still with my exH he did tend to play quite rough and tumble with DS. He is a draughtsman so he's very into design so he also did (and probably still does) lots of drawing with him and lots of construction with Lego, blocks etc.

    My DP has 3 sons and he does tend to do more masculine things with them, particularly sports. I do believe that males and females are different (eg boys/men have WAY more testosterone so naturally their behaviour will differ from girls). My DP's boys often wrestle each other.

    I've got a boy and a girl and I don't care what anyone says, they're wired very differently. My DD has access to lots of cars and trucks, and now that I've met DP she has four older brothers, yet she predominantly displays very nurturing behaviour like patting and rocking teddies to sleep, cradling dolls and generally just being a little 'mummy' to her soft toys. DS had just as many soft toys as she does and even a doll, but he never (ever) touched them. Like seriously never.

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    Last edited by sunnyflower; 11-12-2013 at 19:33.

  8. #28
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    I agree there are biological differences. But I really do think the cues DS gets from DP are shaping what he's interested in. Like, DS's two current obsessions are unicorns/Pegasus (pegasi? Pegasusses? Pegasuffullus????) and James Bond. I am equally enthused about both, DP will chat to DS about both but is naturally more enthused by James Bond because HE likes James Bond. And I can see the unicorn thing falling by the wayside before my eyes, because it's not something daddy is interested in and is not something the boys at kinder are interested in. So even though he started out with a keen interest in both, he is sticking with the more masculine interest because he can plainly see that other males around him share that interest.
    Another example is Dora/Diego. He LOVES Dora, and has recently discovered Diego. He is now becoming far more enarmoured of Diego, because the whole world tells him that he should. The Dora toothbrush is pink. The boy's undies have Diego. All the girls in his kinder like Dora, and some have Dora accessories; none of the boys do. He doesn't have a natural preference for Diego, he likes both equally. But society is telling him he should like Diego. Now the big problem here is that Diego is extremely active- he runs around and swings off vines and rescues creatures, while Dora is far more passive and sort of just wanders around being a mugging victim to Swiper.
    I think it's just one of the many many subtle social cues that shape how our kids learn gendered behaviour. DS is almost 4, so it's really becoming obvious now. When he was younger it was much less pronounced, he played more equally with all sorts of things without worrying what his peers were doing.
    I think the 'nature' argument is far far too simplistic.

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    DH is a farmer and so life is about getting dirty, fixing things and tractors but he really doesn't play like that with the boys (or the girl) he coaches the minkey hocky team which DS1 and DD play and he's the tickle king but when he's home, he's the bath and story man and he has endless cups of bubble "cappucinos" in the bathroom and plays shop and hairdresser and listens to reading and then reads to them, helps with homework. DH will do craft with both of them - beading, making little figurines and then painting them. They cook pancakes together in the morning. He really dislikes stereotypes, he once got into a hilarious discussion with a five year old girl about whether pink was a girls colour.

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    Sorry haven't read all the replies. My DH told me he read that rough play between adult men and boys ie wrestling, gives the boys a sense of boundaries which they draw upon later in life. Also things like kicking in the balls is not ok. They look so happy together wrestling I'm happy o go along with that. I get my kis and cuddle time so we're all happy


 

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