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  1. #1
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    Default two year old behaviour help!

    Hi,
    My two year old DD has starting hitting me when she doesn't get her way, particularly at bed time when she doesn't want to go to bed, or when she is told no about something. Also, she has been throwing massive tantrums at bed time and screaming/ throwing herself about to the point of deliberately banging her head on things and hurting herself. Does anyone else's toddler do this? and how have you successfully dealt with it?

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    Sigh. My dd does the same (21months) pretty normal for this age and basically all you can do is persist in telling them that its not on. I haven't been able to make her stop yet. Tho I do find that if I dont yell when she is naughty and just explain in a calm voice that its a much better outcome for everyone involved.

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    Yes unfortunately it sounds familiar to me too!
    DS is 2 and he sometimes will hit/slap at me or DH if upset/annoyed/frustrated but more upsetting is that he more often slaps himself in the face!

    In both situations we just keep telling him that we do not hit/slap anyone. That we need to be gentle. Then try to explain what we are doing and why and try to overcome his frustration that way. When that doesn't work I try to distract him by suggesting we do something else or start reciting his favourite story 'the very cranky bear'.....

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    2 year old are such interesting creatures hey? On one hand you have this darling child who is so sweet, and smart, learning lots of new things.... Then its like someone flicks a switch and you have this little ball of frustration, throwing tantrums and lashing out. Its so hard to know which way they will go...

    Rest assured, it doesnt last forever! Your little 2 year old is experimenting. They have realised they are no longer a little baby who you can predict-feed, play sleep just doesn't work anymore, they are a person who has feelings and thoughts. They are discovering who they are. It really is quite an amazing age! They can understand alot more than they can communicate to us, and for them, its so frustrating!
    They are feeling new emotions, and learning how to handle them.

    Their world is quite literal, and they start feeling their emotions in extremes. ( the best way to describe it......imagine the feeling of walking out to find your car you parked in the garage last night - was missing! dh may have parked it on the front lawn without telling you, and you don't think to look there... imagine not having the knowledge and skills to deal with those emotions....) Thats how a 2yo can feel! Very overwhelming!
    Its when you see those absolutely devistated breakdowns over something we see as trivial, like, their favorite teddy bear is moved while you clean up... They are feeling those emotions.

    Once you understand them, its easier to respond. Monkey was exactally right! Definately let them know hitting you is not ok! But remain calm, and explain it. persistency is the key and eventually, they will develop the skills to deal with things, and you will slowly see a decrease in the number of hitting/tantrums.

    Small choices can help with 2 year olds too.... give them 2 things to choose from- that you approve of. Yellow/red cup, pink/purple jumper, this book, or that one. Its easier than asking "what do you want to wear today?" And they choose a mini skirt, gumboots fairy wings and a singley but its snowing outside! Ask if they want to wear the pink leggings, or white) They start to feel like they can control their world...

    In the short term, do you have a well established bed time routine? If not, it may also help... And some warnings too. "its almost bed time"... "in 2 mins, we are going to read a story, then go to bed".... "come sit with mummy, lets read a story... Would you like the green sheep, or brown bear?" (hold them up)......"ok, our story has finished, lets ....." Talk them through the process.

    Sorry its long winded. im a qualified childcare worker (pre-ds) and spent 6 yrs working with 2yos it really is an amazing age when you understand them oh, and for the record, my ds will be 3 in march

    Sent from my GT-S5830T using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Last edited by shadowangel0205; 08-12-2013 at 07:51.

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  6. #5
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    Completely agree with the warnings suggestion. We HAVE to do this I the lead up
    To shower time or else there is a meltdown. From about 15 mins prop to when we plan to shower him we start talking about doing a, b, c then shower....it really does help.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shadowangel0205 View Post


    2 year old are such interesting creatures hey? On one hand you have this darling child who is so sweet, and smart, learning lots of new things.... Then its like someone flicks a switch and you have this little ball of frustration, throwing tantrums and lashing out. Its so hard to know which way they will go...

    Rest assured, it doesnt last forever! Your little 2 year old is experimenting. They have realised they are no longer a little baby who you can predict-feed, play sleep just doesn't work anymore, they are a person who has feelings and thoughts. They are discovering who they are. It really is quite an amazing age! They can understand alot more than they can communicate to us, and for them, its so frustrating!
    They are feeling new emotions, and learning how to handle them.

    Their world is quite literal, and they start feeling their emotions in extremes. ( the best way to describe it......imagine the feeling of walking out to find your car you parked in the garage last night - was missing! dh may have parked it on the front lawn without telling you, and you don't think to look there... imagine not having the knowledge and skills to deal with those emotions....) Thats how a 2yo can feel! Very overwhelming!
    Its when you see those absolutely devistated breakdowns over something we see as trivial, like, their favorite teddy bear is moved while you clean up... They are feeling those emotions.

    Once you understand them, its easier to respond. Monkey was exactally right! Definately let them know hitting you is not ok! But remain calm, and explain it. persistency is the key and eventually, they will develop the skills to deal with things, and you will slowly see a decrease in the number of hitting/tantrums.

    Small choices can help with 2 year olds too.... give them 2 things to choose from- that you approve of. Yellow/red cup, pink/purple jumper, this book, or that one. Its easier than asking "what do you want to wear today?" And they choose a mini skirt, gumboots fairy wings and a singley but its snowing outside! Ask if they want to wear the pink leggings, or white) They start to feel like they can control their world...

    In the short term, do you have a well established bed time routine? If not, it may also help... And some warnings too. "its almost bed time"... "in 2 mins, we are going to read a story, then go to bed".... "come sit with mummy, lets read a story... Would you like the green sheep, or brown bear?" (hold them up)......"ok, our story has finished, lets ....." Talk them through the process.

    Sorry its long winded. im a qualified childcare worker (pre-ds) and spent 6 yrs working with 2yos it really is an amazing age when you understand them oh, and for the record, my ds will be 3 in march

    Sent from my GT-S5830T using The Bub Hub mobile app
    thanks for the essay-like response i think basically everyone who has replied has essentially confirmed for me that what i am doing already is pretty much the way to go. Bedtime routine has been very set for a very long time (tea, bath, stories, prayer time, 1 song then sleep) and is as close to the same time as possible every night. We've been consistent with our responses to this behaviour and actually today she went to sleep in the arvo with no problems at all She is very articulate so I doubt that communication is so much the issue here (she is currently at the speech development age of around a four year old - speaking in full complex sentences, using joining words and in the correct tense). She is not quite 25 months. We have been giving her choices for around a year and she is pretty good at deciding between two things but is very stubborn at bedtime particularly and sometimes even though two choices are given she will sometimes still assert her own third choice haha!

    btw I am a school teacher so have a fair bit of experience with young children, but they were 5+. Have looked after friends' children fairly often over the years but of course it is different when you have your own. I found my friends' children were always well behaved for me but always behaved differently for their own parents and I think it's the same the world 'round lol.


 

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