My reasons at the time were logical.
But things went from bad to worse.
While talking to the nurse who did the scan, I asked her if the baby looked like a little person. She said "it's not a baby til it's born. It's just a blob of cells at the moment". I was crying and pouring my heart out to her... I said my reasons were that I have three children under 5, I'm recently divorced (though custody is equally shared)- but I'm also in no stable home of my own.. I'm renting a spare bedroom in someone else's home. I don't get enough from Centrelink to pay my own rent in my own home... It's so expensive in Sydney
My partner lives in Canada and can not support me.
I kept thinking of how I'd struggle to provide... That whilst babies may be easy to care for- it slowly gets harder and costs more... I didn't want my baby to grow up suffering, or for my current three to suffer, too..... I did tell the nurse if it looked like a little person I did not want to do it, that I simply couldn't live with it. She said it was very early on and it was fine. I asked for a copy of the photo.
I was having an anxiety attack and in tears while talking to the doctor/surgeon.. I asked her if my baby would suffer or feel pain. She said no- it was just a blob of cells.
i cried until I was under the anaesthetic..
Looking at the paper work when I got home- it said I was measuring 11 weeks 4 days on the scan (but I wasn't that far along).. And the surgeons paper work said that she'd measured the baby with a gestational age of 12 weeks. I had an anxiety attack until I was vomiting.. I looked at the photo.. It was NOT a blob of cells.. But a sweet little innocent baby...
I can not live with what I've done. I'm severely depressed and cry constantly.. Except when my children are with me... They help me a lot..I'm on the verge of a breakdown and wish to god I could turn back time. I hate myself more than anything in this world.