+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20
  1. #1
    Zombie_eyes's Avatar
    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
    Winner 2012 - Biggest Computer Nerd
    Winner 2013/14 - Funniest Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    9,354
    Thanks
    2,835
    Thanked
    9,033
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week

    Default Sibling violence

    Hey SN mummas (but any mumma or papa is fine to answer)

    How do you go about stopping violent outbursts towards siblings?


    Ds#2 (4.5yrs) hits, punches, kicks, body slams his 9 yr old brother (both on the spectrum)

    9yr old doesn't retaliate physically but verbally continues to aggravate him?

    Time out is not working at this point, removing prized possessions also works temporarily but doesnt stop the outburst next time. I dont even get a chance to threaten that punishment before ds#2 is punching his brother in the face etc

    I physically need to remove ds#2 from the situation and put him in his room where he has a giant meltdown. And screams the roof down trying to justify what he has done by blaming anything and everyone on ds#1

    I dont know how to get through to him. Because his Comprehension can be quite off, and in meltdown mode nothing sinks in and then once he is calm and i try to discuss it he starts rambling incoherently and doesnt even remember what happened and denies everything.

    Its wearing ds#1 and i down... Triggers arent necessarily consistent.


    Heres a few examples

    Ds#2 "X can you do this for me?
    Ds#1 *aggro tone * "say please"
    Ds#2 "do it now"
    Ds#1 "no no no no no no no no"
    Ds#2 "do it now"
    Ds#1 *talking over the top of ds#2* "no no no no no no"
    Ds#2 punches ds#1 in the face

    >_<

    Ds#1 laying on floor, ds#2 comes and sits on ds#1. Ds#1 "get off me" ds#2 doesnt, ds#1 shoves him off, ds#2 kicks ds #1 repeatedly in ribs face neck etc

    So...









    Mumma to two beautiful boys on the spectrum and one special little girl.

  2. #2
    Zombie_eyes's Avatar
    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
    Winner 2012 - Biggest Computer Nerd
    Winner 2013/14 - Funniest Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    9,354
    Thanks
    2,835
    Thanked
    9,033
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Bump.




    Mumma to two beautiful boys on the spectrum and one special little girl.

  3. #3
    waitsee's Avatar
    waitsee is offline “While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    927
    Thanks
    135
    Thanked
    68
    Reviews
    4
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Do you think you could raise behaviour rules in general at a different time to go over what is expected of them, say at breakfast, that way they aren't focus on the last incident and the boys might listen and if something starts up again, you can say "what did we talk about today" how can we better resolve this? Etc

    Even some role play with how to go about asking etc?

    Hugs!

    Sent from my GT-P3110 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to waitsee For This Useful Post:

    Zombie_eyes  (26-11-2013)

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Near the washing machine
    Posts
    192
    Thanks
    17
    Thanked
    23
    Reviews
    1
    Not sure I can help too much I'm new to this but wanted to offer some support. As I'm finding out every child on the spectrum is different and has different triggers. Does DS2 respond to visual cues? Some of the asd websites have free printable social stories which help to explain things and can be put up on the wall. Not sure if they might help as a reminder if Ds doesn't process verbal information as well

    i'm really struggling to know how to discipline Ds1 without bringing on a meltdown so if you figure it out please let me know

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Gold Coast, QLD
    Posts
    3,594
    Thanks
    1,292
    Thanked
    1,105
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I don't have a child on the spectrum so not sure if these ideas would help but what about a star chart? Get a star every time he walks away instead of hitting his brother? After 3 days he gets a little surprise then space it out to 5 then 7?

  7. #6
    Zombie_eyes's Avatar
    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
    Winner 2012 - Biggest Computer Nerd
    Winner 2013/14 - Funniest Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    9,354
    Thanks
    2,835
    Thanked
    9,033
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Thanks girls, the reward for restraint sounds good i think he could grasp that if i simplify it. Maybe earn a star for walking away, lose a star for hitting? Hmm


    Mumma to two beautiful boys on the spectrum and one special little girl.

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,200
    Thanks
    213
    Thanked
    721
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    200 Posts in a weekBusiest Member of the Week - week ending 5/6/15100 Posts in a week
    I have 2 kids on the spectrum and the way i handle it is that i read them bits of little women every night. we are up to jo's boys and then we will start again.

    we talk about the fav characters of the book and how they want to be those characters.

    Maybe find some literary examples of good siblings and read to them, show them examples of ways they can work it out. Huck finn and Thom swayer maybe?

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    819
    Thanks
    54
    Thanked
    98
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    My little guy is delayed as well as autism so we have to keep it simple. We have visuals around the house and he knows they say no hitting or you go to time out. It's a constant little reminder for him seeing them everywhere.
    When he hits he goes to timeout and then we read a social story about hitting. It's taken a long time but we have seen huge progress now.

  10. #9
    Zombie_eyes's Avatar
    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
    Winner 2012 - Biggest Computer Nerd
    Winner 2013/14 - Funniest Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    9,354
    Thanks
    2,835
    Thanked
    9,033
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Thanks.

    I dont have much hope with books im afraid maybe when he is a little older but he just switches off or doesnt understand.

    But it might
    Be a good idea for my 9 yr old

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    5,687
    Thanks
    1,089
    Thanked
    4,057
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I don't know how to articulate this right... is he 'himself' when he's being aggressive?

    DS (3, almost 4) has ASD and what I think is unrelated emotional trauma from a PICU stay.

    With his aggression, it's like a light switch has been flicked and he's this totally different child who's trying to gouge my eyeballs out, or biting his sister, smashing her face into the floor/wall.

    He also has a silly mode where he thinks it's amusing to make her cry by lying on her, kicking her repeatedly etc... she's always winding him up.

    The former is always straight to his room, I have to be very firm, give him a cuddle and tell him only people who are gentle and kind can play in the living area/yard, so he needs to calm down and when he's ready to be gentle and kind, he can come back.

    With the latter I take DD to her room first so he can see he's not being victimised, tell her the same thing within sight and earshot of him, then come do the same with him.

    They both emerge in their own time. DD finds it very upsetting to be pulled up for her behaviour, she's well aware of when she's misbehaving, where as he seems to go into his 'zone', she'll sob her heart out on her bed dramatically. Then come back out with a cheeky smile. He'll either calm down and come out, or calm down and decide he wants some independent time with his books or trains.

    He even takes himself to his room now if he knows he needs to calm down, or if he sees me making moves to remove him. So it's getting him to recognize the behaviour now and how he needs to deal with it, which I imagine will be an essential coping tool.

    DD is 2.

    ETA... with the second situation where it's more silly behaviour, I used to try to handle it without breaking up whatever they had been playing... but after both kids started daycare I found they were quite rough in play, so implemented a zero rough play policy for our home and it's straight to their rooms as soon as it starts. It's made a huge difference here at home and at daycare for them.
    Last edited by BlissedOut; 18-12-2013 at 22:22.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to BlissedOut For This Useful Post:

    twotrunks  (18-12-2013)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Advice on aggression/violence at soccer
    By 2cheekyboys in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 09-06-2013, 19:00
  2. Learnt violence in kindergarten/child care centre
    By WildSide in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 26-03-2013, 18:40
  3. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 26-01-2013, 19:50

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Softmats
With so many amazing reversible designs, the soft and cushioned Premium Bubba Mats are the perfect space for all the family. Not only do they look fantastic; you can also enjoy the quality and comfort for years to come.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
L'il Aussie Prems Foundation
An Australian charity supporting families of premature babies & children. The charity assists families who are at high risk of giving birth prematurely, who have babies currently in hospital and families with toddlers who were born too soon.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!