Hi all, I'm due with number 2 on 21st jan and I need some tips of how DH can be supportive.
He will at this stage be the only other person in the room besides midwife - same as last time, but honestly, last time he did NOTHING.
He sat there watching and chatting to the midwife when and if she came into the room
I had a natural drug free birth but at a few stages I did ask for pain relief as it was intense, all DH said was 'no you can't have any'
I'm glad he said no and reminded me of what I wanted for my birth and I managed to do it but he did absolutely ZERO to help me. I had a water birth and a few times during contractions I had to ask him (hardly being able to speak) to rub my back. And at one stage I tried gas and when I wanted it he had it and was either daydreaming or trying it himself
I've spoken to him about it and said he needs to do a crap load more this time and his response is 'there isn't really anything I can do'
I've watched so many birthing videos where the husbands are rubbing their wives backs, talking softly to them (maybe telling them how to breathe, or just asking how they are - I don't know as I can't hear them) but ANYTHING would be better than him just sitting there watching.
My midwife often left the room and left us to our own devices and that's kinda what we wanted but I need DH to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING.
We paid over $500 last time to do hypno birthing and we didn't even use ANY of the techniques as DH didn't read any of the books and we also didn't 'practice' any of it.
I'm reading the Hypno birth stuff again and trying to prep myself to use it properly this time, with or without DH's help but I'd prefer he actually helped.
One of the main things I NEED is to be prompted to breathe this baby out instead of pushing. I told my midwife last time but she basically ignored my requests and kept telling me to push and I ended up with 2nd degree tearing and grazes and took at least 6 months to fully recover down there. I need DH to be able to know when to tell me to breathe instead of push and remind me to relax and be calm etc.
I have thought of hiring a doula but we cannot afford one, I am not even sure we could afford a student doula
I have no close friends who I could ask to be a birth support - the one person I would ask is due to give birth in 2 weeks and it will be too much for her with 2 kids and she also lives 2 hr drive away.
Mum will be here but she won't be much help as her birth (only one with me) was so easy, she gave birth in about 20 mins and didn't even have a single contraction she could feel, so I don't think she could relate properly to what I need.