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  1. #1
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    Default Young kids at a family funeral...

    Is it appropriate or not to take young kids (under the age of 5) to a small private family funeral?
    I want my children, particularly DD to be at my grandmothers funeral. My Grandmother would want that, they were very close. (even though she wont understand, i want her to BE there).
    It will be a small service for 30-40mins, only 4 families.

    One family member has said he does not want the great grand kids at the funeral, he see's it as in appropriate, they are too young and "they dont need to be there".
    We are sensible parents, we use our common sense. DH will have them under control, stepping out if they become restless, standing up the back, ect.
    The rest of the family who have young kids cant find sitters (flying from interstate), and are beyond upset they wont be able to attend their grans funeral.

    It has caused alot of upset and i am also in two minds if i am going to upset the one person who dont want the kids at the funeral, but i am in the same boat, no sitter. Everyone else in the family expected the kids to be there.

    I have offered for DH to watch them all (4 of them altogether) but i was told the other two kids are quite clingy and wont even go to their dad atm, so it prob wont be of help.

    Wondering other's opinions?

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    Depends on the kids imo. You've said previously that they are likely to be disruptive, so I would be wary. If you're going to be really upset too then I would worry how the kids would react to that too.

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    I think the person who thinks it's not appropriate should can it! If it means that some of the family members will have to miss the funeral, it's inconceivable that they would continue to object! I personally, would bring the kids and the other person can just get over it.

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    I think its fine to take them as long as someone is prepared to completely remove them from the situation if they play up or are annoying others.

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    yes they prob will play up, not on purpose though. We take them to mass every sundays and dd likes to walk around the church and say hello to people. DS can get grizzly.
    DH said i wont have to worry about them, he is prepared to remove them when needed. im not worried if dd see;s me upset, i have been crying all week, she knows mumma is a bit sad atm and she seems ok...."oh mumma just crying again *cuddle*..."
    Last edited by Beefie; 20-11-2013 at 08:59.

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    The last funeral I went to had an area at the back with kids toys, colouring in, movie on iPad etc. worked well and the sound of happy kids breaks the sad mood too.
    Hugs

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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    Depends on the kids imo. You've said previously that they are likely to be disruptive, so I would be wary. If you're going to be really upset too then I would worry how the kids would react to that too.
    Yes this. Seeing as you've previously said they cry all day I don't know that it would be appropriate to take them. Funerals are really really boring for kids, I don't think there's any way you could avoid them causing a scene. I wouldn't take 2 kids of those ages. We took DS to DP's grandma's funeral but he was only 8 months or so and a pretty placid baby. I had him in the ergo and lots of people didn't even realize he was there until the wake.

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    i was told there is a verandah area, you can still hear and see the service but you are kida removed from it a bit. If that makes sense. Im thinking i will take some books and set them up there.
    I feel so bad for my other family members who feel they cant attend beause of what this person has said.

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    I don't think it's a issue at an older persons funeral. If it was a baby then maybe different.

    Unfortunately we have had three funerals this year. Ds came to the first two for uncles at 11 weeks and then at around 10 months. I didn't take him to the third because he was walking by then, was a 2 hr drive each way so he wouldn't have coped well with being restrained and wouldn't have stayed quiet.

    That being said it was also for a little girl so not only were dh and I a mess we didn't want to make it harder on the childs parents.

    But as others have told me it showd the circle of life.

    If it was me in your position I would tell the person saying no to shut it. Especially since it isn't just you needing to bring kids but others too.

    Hugs during this emotional time.

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    Death is a normal part of life. I believe that children should be at funerals of their family members. Unless your grandma specified that she didn't want children there then I would take them. If your DH will be there to take them outside then it should be fine. And yes, children should know that its normal for people to be upset when loved ones die.

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