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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    Why our mother though? Why is she more 'important' or influential than dad?

    This is what I don't understand. People being more or less important. I cannot work it out. I grew up in a very non-traditional household. Mum was a SAHM when we were teeny tiny but worked when we were toddlers. I was looked after by my Aunt. Then dad did most of the child/house work and worked at home but mostly was a SAHD. Was mum more important and influential because she's a mother? Or was my Aunt? Or was dad because he stayed at home to 'raise us'?
    I don't think mothers are 'more important' than fathers, but they play different roles, and generally speaking, mothers play the *main* parenting role in most cultures, including ours. Your family, and many others are an exception, but 'the norm' is that mothers are doing most of the parenting 'work', and I think thats where the phrase comes from.

    Biologically we carry the child, we nurture the child after they have been born. Our hormones and the baby's hormones complement each other beautifully in the hours and days following birth to facilitate this relationship and encourage bonding, because it is so important. As PP said, our children are connected to us physically at a young age, this is not because we are brainwashed by society, its because we are needed to feed and nurture them. And again, this doesn't diminish the father's role, but he plays a different role.

    I do agree men need to step up and be more involved in parenting, but as of yet, they largely haven't, and this is why I think mothers are so important.

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    I've never disputed that mothers aren't important, I just really don't like the self-proclaimed 'most important job in the world'. I know people also like to claim that they also have the 'hardest job in the world'. I really don't know how people come to these conclusions without walking a mile in anyone else's shoes, it seems really strange and quite egotistical to me. I find being my son's mother is the most important thing to me personally, but is it the most important job in the world?? Absolutely not.

    We are also forgetting a percentage of custodial single fathers and fathers who DO step up and do their share of parenting (and IMO the numbers aren't small enough to dismiss them altogether). Why are they less important simply because traditionally it's the mother who cares for the baby?

    Incidentally I asked 7 yo DS on the way home from school just then "who is the most important person to you". His response was "you mean apart from me? My family".

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    Quote Originally Posted by Annabella View Post
    I do agree men need to step up and be more involved in parenting, but as of yet, they largely haven't, and this is why I think mothers are so important.
    I get what you are saying, and I agree. But I think we need to start asking why that is? Despite identifying as a feminist Dh and I live a somewhat traditional life. I'm home and studying. He works and studies. I do most of the housework bc I don't work and am fine with that. So in that respect, we are quite traditional. but I do expect to help a bit. As I said earlier in the thread, I have hurt my back and I'm in a bit of pain. Dh as I type is getting the kids ready to take them to the pool so I can have a hot bath in peace. I didn't even need to prompt him. And why should I have to? the kids share 50% of his DNA.

    Women def take on a huge percentage of child raising. For some women they are fine with that. But like Benji, I've read countless threads on here by members upset their partners order them around, don't help raise the kids. Tell her she's lazy. I think as women we need to start expecting more.

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    I have nothing further to add to this discussion except to mention that quite a number of you have mentioned comedienne Catherine Deveny as being the author of the article being discussed. Catherine Deveny is not the author of the article the OP refers to.

    The author of the article is actually (and clearly) Miranda Devine, a writer and journalist.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Caviar View Post
    The author of the article is actually (and clearly) Miranda Devine, a writer and journalist.
    Sorry, could you explain how you came to that conclusion? From the link posted, the only name clearly attached to the piece is Catherine Deveny's, and it certainly also reads like her writing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Caviar View Post
    I have nothing further to add to this discussion except to mention that quite a number of you have mentioned comedienne Catherine Deveny as being the author of the article being discussed. Catherine Deveny is not the author of the article the OP refers to.

    The author of the article is actually (and clearly) Miranda Devine, a writer and journalist.
    Noooo ... It's Catherine Deveney.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I get what you are saying, and I agree. But I think we need to start asking why that is? Despite identifying as a feminist Dh and I live a somewhat traditional life. I'm home and studying. He works and studies. I do most of the housework bc I don't work and am fine with that. So in that respect, we are quite traditional. but I do expect to help a bit. As I said earlier in the thread, I have hurt my back and I'm in a bit of pain. Dh as I type is getting the kids ready to take them to the pool so I can have a hot bath in peace. I didn't even need to prompt him. And why should I have to? the kids share 50% of his DNA.

    Women def take on a huge percentage of child raising. For some women they are fine with that. But like Benji, I've read countless threads on here by members upset their partners order them around, don't help raise the kids. Tell her she's lazy. I think as women we need to start expecting more.
    Oh I agree, I am one of the ones who is very dissatisfied with the lack of input from my husband. Our marriage is almost over because he won't do anything around the house and takes much less of a parenting role than I expect, and what the kids need from him, as their father.

    I do think, for the most part, women take on the majority of the 'work' because they have to, because the father doesn't. Well thats how it is in my situation and many others I know. And this is no doubt, in part due to the way society defines men's and women's roles. But that doesn't stop my job (as a mum) from being both important or tough.

    I still think, that while it can be really hurtful and damaging for fathers to not 'step up' as fathers, I do really think when its the mother, its is even more damaging. Theres just something so important about the mother-child dyad.

    Again, I'm not saying it is the most important job, as I don't think you define what is the MOST important, but its up there, and I don't really think the phrase is meant to be taken literally, just a recognition of the hard, and very important work mothers do

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    The byline clearly says Catherine Deveny. And as @Renn says it is clearly her writing. I don't know where people are getting Miranda Devine

    ETA Catherine Deveny is also mainly known as a writer and journo, she's not a comedian. She may *think* she's funny sometimes but it's not her job
    Last edited by FearlessLeader; 19-11-2013 at 16:23.

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    If it is Miranda Devine she's going to be right royally ticked off the CD is claiming authorship all over the place

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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    We do the majority of day-to-day parenting because society still spews forth the 'importance' of mums being home for the 'first five years' to 'raise the kids' and that children of two-parent working families or ones with a SAHD will be worse off or miss out. If we stopped recycling these old-fashioned ideas things could change and men wouldn't feel less of a man for being SAHDs, or working part time to share parenting or picking up a vacuum cleaner. Of course SAHMs are important, everyone is important. We would all have true choices if we were all considered equally as important.


    I disagree that women choose their roles (as in do all of the parenting and housework). You just have to look at the amount of posts right here on this forum from mothers feeling overwhelmed, not nurtured by their partners, angry, and hurt by the fact their other halves don't pick up the slack and expect them to do it.

    well, I was talking about biological and evolutionary investment of mothers.


    I don't disagree about the way society projects motherhood and never said so in my post (?) but I do think the church is largely to blame for that... Won't go there though. And I do think that the way motherhood is portrayed is the reason so many women complain about it as you say is do common on this forum. Because we feel like we are failing due to the powerlessness and vastly incorrect role religion has placed on women to seem them goid mothers.


    BUT, I don't for one minute think that because lots if mothers don't like our situations at times, means we don't like our roles as mothers. I wanted to stay home with DS (and still do want to until he's at school), BUT at the same time I don't fit the stereotypical archetype of 'the perfect mum' either. It does get tedious at times and I do get angry, resentful even, but that doesn't mean I don't choose it. I want to be here with DS, and I have the option to return to full- time work also if that changes.


    I don't think there's anything wrong with mothers who would rather go vs k to work at any point after the baby is born, but I do think most women still would rather stay home at first and think its understandable given the fact our biological investment has been great already once the baby is actually born and we have that extra level if attachment. I don't see how that is old-fashioned.


    Anyway, it's off-topic so I won't go on but I think it's important to distinguish between what women want, and what society projects (and expects).


 

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