+ Reply to Thread
Page 7 of 13 FirstFirst ... 56789 ... LastLast
Results 61 to 70 of 129
  1. #61
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    3,525
    Thanks
    1,890
    Thanked
    2,539
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    I actually agreed with you on your initial post on this article but this new conclusion of yours I strongly disagree with. As a person who grew up with an abusive parent it is very clear to me just how big the impact (or potential impact) parenting can directly have on a person. I would absolutely rate parenting as one of the biggest pieces of the puzzle that make up most of us.

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Completely agree, and I think anyone who has lived through abuse in childhood knows the impact of parenting on children's entire lives. I personally believe parenting has the biggest impact on how we turn out as adults and to what extent we struggle or succeed (as a whole person, not just what job we do).

    I think the article is just another opinion from another person. As parents we all see our role as parents differently.

    I disagree with much of what she says though, and I don't at all feel the expression has anywhere near the power she gives it credit for. We largely choose our roles as parents.

  2. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Ellewood For This Useful Post:

    Amiedoll  (19-11-2013),peanutmonkey  (19-11-2013),Stretched  (19-11-2013)

  3. #62
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    19,776
    Thanks
    5,212
    Thanked
    7,063
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Annabella View Post
    I believe our upbringing has a huge influence over our future. And our parents, particularly our mothers, and our relationship with our mother play a very major part in this.

    I honestly believe the way we are parented has a massive influence over who we become as adults, secure attachment with our mother is really important for a strong sense of self etc as we grow older.
    Why our mother though? Why is she more 'important' or influential than dad?

    This is what I don't understand. People being more or less important. I cannot work it out. I grew up in a very non-traditional household. Mum was a SAHM when we were teeny tiny but worked when we were toddlers. I was looked after by my Aunt. Then dad did most of the child/house work and worked at home but mostly was a SAHD. Was mum more important and influential because she's a mother? Or was my Aunt? Or was dad because he stayed at home to 'raise us'?

  4. #63
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    90
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    17
    Reviews
    0
    I might get shot in the head ( verbally ) for this comment but

    As a mother I think it's my role to care for and stay at home with my children. I was pregnant for 9 months and gave life to my ds and as much as I need support from my husband and other family members in the end no one knows my son like me. So I guess in that way for me it's the most important job.

    However I don't think working mums are any less then sahm. In December I'll be starting work part time. If anything I'd say its a much harder job as there needs to be a balance as your still a mother, carer, provider etc and keeping that up is a must no other choice really.




    Asha 26, William 13 months

  5. #64
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,848
    Thanks
    6,202
    Thanked
    16,895
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    I wholeheartedly agree that society places little stock in a father's role. And this in turn leads to the men we marry, that don't see any true value in being home so get home from work clicking their fingers for a beer and dinner and 'babysit' their kids (that term irks me so much).

    As mothers we need to demand more. not just for ourselves, but for our kids. I want DD to marry a man that helps with the kids and housework even if she is at home. I want DS to be that man.

    I know not everyone likes the book, but reading Raising Boys really solidifies the importance of the father and his responsibilities in the household beyond bringing in a pay check. DH read it and loved it.

  6. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    Atropos  (19-11-2013),Benji  (19-11-2013),peanutmonkey  (19-11-2013)

  7. #65
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    19,776
    Thanks
    5,212
    Thanked
    7,063
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post

    I know not everyone likes the book, but reading Raising Boys really solidifies the importance of the father and his responsibilities in the household beyond bringing in a pay check. DH read it and loved it.
    I wasn't a fan of everything in that book but he was spot on with his points about children, in particular boys, being what he considers under-fathered and how it affects them. IMO when a society carries on so much about motherhood as though we should be perfect saints for the sake of the children we do give permission to fathers to be less than good parents because any problems are the mothers fault, and any good things were the mothers doing and no matter how hard they try or how much they fail it has no effect on the kids (unless of course he's not earning money and providing for the family yanno).

    My poor Uncle is a pretty messed up man. I had a good grandma who did her best. Grandpa was from the 'children are seen and not heard' lot and never spent time with them, bossed Grandma around, the kids were basically locked in their bedroom from the minute he got home from work because they would 'annoy' him. My uncle holds Grandpa 100% accountable for all of that, as he should be. I believe this had more influence over my uncle (depression, problems as a teen, felt unloved, no positive male role model, etc) than my grandmother's trying to be a good mum. Of course some people would come out of that unscathed, but to think that mum is always the biggest and most important influence is a crock IMO.

  8. #66
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    19,600
    Thanks
    3,256
    Thanked
    4,044
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    I was thinking about this last night, and realized the reason the phrase 'motherhood isn't a vocation, it's a relationship' resonated so much.
    Now this is going to be an extremely unpopular view I'm sure but... I don't actually believe that parenting shapes people all that much (sorry Freud!), so I don't think it's even close to the most important job in the world. I think children are influenced by a whole range of things- personality, birth order, society and culture, their own health and abilities, what their wider family is like (so for eg whether their parents fight a lot) as WELL as how they are directly parented. So even if how they are raised is the number one most important influence on how they turn out (and I don't know if that's true), it's still not a huge piece of the puzzle.
    I think all kids need is to be safe, loved and well looked after. And that's it. Breast feeding, BLW, controlled crying, attachment parenting, no tv, no junk food, hothousing kids, lots of extracurricular activities, no extracurricular activities, private school, public school, let them drink before they're 18, lock them up till they're 18. They are all tiny little decisions that make up a tiny part of who they become. I think in the modern world we worry about it all far far too much, fretting over all these things, reading countless articles and discussing it all ad nauseam and have put parenting on this pedestal when really, just love them and they will be fine. It's actually not as hard or important as we make it out to be.
    With all the little choices, I do agree that all the little decisions probably don't matter so much, but I also think that parenting isn't nearly so simple or easy as deciding whether or not they should watch TV. Like *switch on tv* jobs done. Most pivotal parenting decision complete.

    I also struggle with the idea of grading the importance of parenting on the end result. Like that I've spent today holding a sick toddler on my 5 year olds birthday trying to balance caring for her and making his day special is completely irrelevant because if I told him to just get over it it's only Tuesday and put her in her cot to scream because they might still turn out fine in 20 years anyway or if I keep doing what I'm doing and I still might raise criminals.

    What I do is important because it's important to them right now and it has to be important because I don't consider it a job, you couldn't pay me enough to do this, so for me I have to believe that what I do matters of I'd run screaming into the street.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  9. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Boobycino For This Useful Post:

    FrothyFrog  (19-11-2013),MermaidSister  (19-11-2013),Rutabaga  (19-11-2013)

  10. #67
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    3,525
    Thanks
    1,890
    Thanked
    2,539
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    Why our mother though? Why is she more 'important' or influential than dad?

    This is what I don't understand. People being more or less important. I cannot work it out. I grew up in a very non-traditional household. Mum was a SAHM when we were teeny tiny but worked when we were toddlers. I was looked after by my Aunt. Then dad did most of the child/house work and worked at home but mostly was a SAHD. Was mum more important and influential because she's a mother? Or was my Aunt? Or was dad because he stayed at home to 'raise us'?



    Well you did say yourself you grew up in a 'very non-traditional household'. Even today mums are still the ones who overwhelmingly do the majority of day-to-day parenting, and stay with them all the time when they are young.


    It's been that way throughout history. This combined with the fact women are the ones who have babies, grow babies in our bellies, feed our babies with our bodies, and in this way our babies are connected to us not just in the role we play as parents but in our bodies. I don't think it's about dads not being very important, it's more to do with that extra level of investment of the mother, and that we are very different in terms of (biological) investment in child-rearing.

    [QUOTE=delirium;75533As mothers we need to demand more. not just for ourselves, but for our kids. I want DD to marry a man that helps with the kids and housework even if she is at home. I want DS to be that man.[/QUOTE]

    Well yes, but as dads, men also need to do more. But we don't. Maybe because largely we choose our roles. We are different. Humans are very evolved obviously but that doesn't mean we should all play the same roles. We do need to better adapt to the changing times though, and the fact that women now have more choice about their roles meaning men have to also take on extra responsibilities regarding child-rearing that previously didn't exist (because the women did it all).

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Ellewood For This Useful Post:

    Amiedoll  (19-11-2013)

  12. #68
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    8,705
    Thanks
    581
    Thanked
    647
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I think the statement might be taken a little too literal. "It's the most important job in the world" to who? To me? Maybe, maybe not. I don't think it's said in fact but in opinion.

    But I do agree with it's a "relationship" and not a "job"- I think the term "relationship" best describes it and encumbers everything in it without deminishing the lack of hours spent due to work committments.

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to SimplyMum For This Useful Post:

    Boobycino  (19-11-2013)

  14. #69
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    19,776
    Thanks
    5,212
    Thanked
    7,063
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    Well you did say yourself you grew up in a 'very non-traditional household'. Even today mums are still the ones who overwhelmingly do the majority of day-to-day parenting, and stay with them all the time when they are young.
    We do the majority of day-to-day parenting because society still spews forth the 'importance' of mums being home for the 'first five years' to 'raise the kids' and that children of two-parent working families or ones with a SAHD will be worse off or miss out. If we stopped recycling these old-fashioned ideas things could change and men wouldn't feel less of a man for being SAHDs, or working part time to share parenting or picking up a vacuum cleaner. Of course SAHMs are important, everyone is important. We would all have true choices if we were all considered equally as important.

    I disagree that women choose their roles (as in do all of the parenting and housework). You just have to look at the amount of posts right here on this forum from mothers feeling overwhelmed, not nurtured by their partners, angry, and hurt by the fact their other halves don't pick up the slack and expect them to do it.

  15. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Benji For This Useful Post:

    Boobycino  (19-11-2013),ExcuseMyFrench  (19-11-2013),Renn  (19-11-2013)

  16. #70
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    1,106
    Thanks
    128
    Thanked
    949
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    The irony is that a the majority of the women who do those jobs she deems the hardest, such as working in a Bangladesh sweatshop, are also mothers.

    That's the whole point about the idea of it being the hardest job in the world - no matter what else you have going on, you are first and foremost a mother, and it doesn't stop. You don't get a break. Your primary motivation and concern will always be your children.

    I don't think being a mother is the hardest job in the world, I think being a good mother is one of the hardest roles anybody can take on.

  17. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to grumpybump For This Useful Post:

    Amiedoll  (19-11-2013),Annabella  (19-11-2013),delirium  (19-11-2013),Ellewood  (19-11-2013),SoThisIsLove  (19-11-2013)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 51
    Last Post: 19-01-2014, 11:29
  2. Dream world or movie world for under 7's
    By 3ratbags in forum General Chat
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 14-11-2013, 11:51
  3. Movie world vs sea world...
    By GlitterFarts in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 29-08-2013, 13:37

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Shapland Swim Schools
Shapland's at participating schools offer free baby orientation classes once a month - no cost no catches. Your baby will be introduced to our "natural effects" orientation program develop by Shapland's over 3 generations, its gentle and enjoyable.
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
The MAMA Centre
Pregnancy, birth & beyond care with your very own midwife. Home & hospital birth support, VBACs, antenatal & postnatal care by medicare eligible midwives & holistic health practitioners. Massage, chiro, naturopathy, yoga, counselling & beauty therapy
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!