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  1. #11
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    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    I agree with the article wholeheartedly. I think she hits the nail on the head with the line 'motherhood is not a vocation- it's a relationship'.
    I hate the phrase 'being a mum is the hardest job in the world' for a whole range of reasons. And it IS used mainly to describe SAHMs, and to denigrate working mums. If being a mum is the hardest job in the world, working mums are seen as copping out a bit by going to do an 'easier' job somewhere else.
    I also agree with her that the discussion of motherhood is bloody old and tired. Let's start talking about parenting, not mothering.

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  3. #12
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    I dont really get the title 'job' cause i can tell you now if i had a job as bullsh1t as this one id quit. And i cant quit.


    Life sentence maybe? *smirk*


    Mumma to two beautiful boys on the spectrum and one special little girl.

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  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    I agree with the article wholeheartedly. I think she hits the nail on the head with the line 'motherhood is not a vocation- it's a relationship'.
    For you. There are many people that honestly believe that parenthood is their calling. Horses for courses.

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    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    The tone of the article peeved me off. I cant exactly put my finger on why?

    I do agree with a lot of it. Being a mother isnt the most important job in the world. BUT being a good mother, to my children, TO ME is my most important job. And being a father is my husbands most important job in life. Just because he also works in a paid job doesnt take away his 'job' as father. I dont like that she suggests that people are looked at as less of a mother/father if they work. That is certainly not how I look at it.

    I am a SAHM with 3 small children under 5. One of my best friends is a working mum with 1 child who is 5.

    I am not more of a mother than her. We are both mothers. There is no scale. You are either a mother or you arent? I certainly dont view myself as a better mother just because she works etc. I honestly dont know many people IRL who would hold that opinion...
    I realise that my opinion probably won't be be popular, but I do think that there is a sliding scale. I am a working mum and sahm's that I know have made me feel less of a mother when I've needed to work. There are comments made along the lines of 'it is so important for us that I stay at home with our kids while they're young' or 'I don't like the idea of daycare' aren't intended to create a sliding scale but they do. The subtext is there to say you think working mothers have made a choice that isn't in the best interest of their kids. It can be especially hurtful when the money is needed and the government will only pay some mothers to stay home with their kids.

    I agree with the article, though I do think its the most important relationship in the world if its not a job. If mothers all decided to do a bad job the fabric of society would unravel before our eyes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Acadaca View Post
    I realise that my opinion probably won't be be popular, but I do think that there is a sliding scale. I am a working mum and sahm's that I know have made me feel less of a mother when I've needed to work. There are comments made along the lines of 'it is so important for us that I stay at home with our kids while they're young' or 'I don't like the idea of daycare' aren't intended to create a sliding scale but they do. The subtext is there to say you think working mothers have made a choice that isn't in the best interest of their kids. It can be especially hurtful when the money is needed and the government will only pay some mothers to stay home with their kids.

    I agree with the article, though I do think its the most important relationship in the world if its not a job. If mothers all decided to do a bad job the fabric of society would unravel before our eyes.
    I said earlier that we consider it important for me to stay home. I don't at all think less of parents that go to work, whether that is by choice or not. We all make different sacrifices based on our individual circumstances.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Acadaca View Post
    I realise that my opinion probably won't be be popular, but I do think that there is a sliding scale. I am a working mum and sahm's that I know have made me feel less of a mother when I've needed to work. There are comments made along the lines of 'it is so important for us that I stay at home with our kids while they're young' or 'I don't like the idea of daycare' aren't intended to create a sliding scale but they do. The subtext is there to say you think working mothers have made a choice that isn't in the best interest of their kids. It can be especially hurtful when the money is needed and the government will only pay some mothers to stay home with their kids.

    I agree with the article, though I do think its the most important relationship in the world if its not a job. If mothers all decided to do a bad job the fabric of society would unravel before our eyes.
    I think both sides, working vs SAHP cop it. SAHM mums get the "you're not contributing to society by choosing to stay at home". You get "What do you all day?!", "I would be so bored as a SAHP - I need to use my brain" etc...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Acadaca View Post
    I realise that my opinion probably won't be be popular, but I do think that there is a sliding scale. I am a working mum and sahm's that I know have made me feel less of a mother when I've needed to work. There are comments made along the lines of 'it is so important for us that I stay at home with our kids while they're young' or 'I don't like the idea of daycare' aren't intended to create a sliding scale but they do. The subtext is there to say you think working mothers have made a choice that isn't in the best interest of their kids. It can be especially hurtful when the money is needed and the government will only pay some mothers to stay home with their kids.

    I agree with the article, though I do think its the most important relationship in the world if its not a job. If mothers all decided to do a bad job the fabric of society would unravel before our eyes.
    But the same thing can be said when some mothers say things like "I put little timmy in daycare because I believe it is important for his development" Doesnt that mean I, as someone who doesnt have my kids in daycare, should be offended? Cos I am not. I dont believe my children need to go to daycare for their development... someone else does... different people, different choices and opinions. It doesnt mean one person is more right, and working/not working/ daycare/no daycare/ only organic made fresh whole foods/occasional junk food etc does not make someone more of a mum than someone else. Your either a mum, or you're not...

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    Quote Originally Posted by redlipsandpearls View Post
    I said earlier that we consider it important for me to stay home. I don't at all think less of parents that go to work, whether that is by choice or not. We all make different sacrifices based on our individual circumstances.
    I don't think my friends think less of me when they talk about that. I think they're just justifying their choices. However, by doing so they establish what they believe to be 'ideal' mothering situation in their eyes and thus a sliding scale is created iykwim? More to the point it is ideal in my eyes also but financially it's unattainable for me, thus I am less than even in my own eyes. That probably has a lot to do with how I interpret comments like these. I think the author is the same.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Acadaca View Post
    I don't think my friends think less of me when they talk about that. I think they're just justifying their choices. However, by doing so they establish what they believe to be 'ideal' mothering situation in their eyes and thus a sliding scale is created iykwim? More to the point it is ideal in my eyes also but financially it's unattainable for me, thus I am less than even in my own eyes. That probably has a lot to do with how I interpret comments like these. I think the author is the same.
    I definitely think we are our own harshest critics

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    For me personally & for my family situation the most important job in the world ( for me given my lack of formal education ) is to be a SAHM as much as I practically can.

    I have an extremely flexible job now that I can drop everything to go get a child from school if needed, I can work around my husbands job at all times & especially will need to do so in school holidays. It is just a pretty average paying job but it challenges & interests me & has good long term prospects.

    For years ( with zero family support ) I did the socially acceptable & expected thing ( among my social group ) and worked the standard full time non flexible job. Then we had emergency room trips, a child who ended up seriously injured yet I still just struggled along working & putting my child on the back burner because I felt such a strong need to do what was expected of me. I'm not one for feeling guilt but that situation haunts me even now.

    A year later I cut back to part time, a year after that we relocated to an area that was more family friendly that afforded us the luxury of DH working a standard 40 hr week instead of 60-70 plus. We've cut our income in half & are slowly getting used to being poor lol.

    I dislike articles like this, I mean really who is she to judge the decisions women/men/families make regarding how they will raise their families. Will both parents work etc etc.

    I've been on both sides, the single parent busting her a$$, the double income family busting their a$$ and the primarily stay at home mum also busting her a$$. The common thread in all that ( for me ) on who misses out & who suffers, is stressed??

    9/10 it's the mother/primary caregiver and at times the child/ren.

    I'm of the opinion that regardless of if you work or not the family structure needs much more support after all our children are our future.

    Articles like this aren't exactly supportive😢

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