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  1. #111
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    I think when people say job they are generally saying they're a mum in place of paid employment if this makes sense. There are many things I consider equal to paid employment but unpaid - volunteering, being a carer, staying at home to look after the kids.

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  3. #112
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    They certainly do in my mind... I do know some good dads for sure, but in my experience it seems it's still more of a choice for dads and responsibility for mums. Yes, people will shoot me down for that but I see it over and over again, dads walking away from parenting when it suits them, or they need a break, or they want to do their own thing that weekend etc.
    Nope, I think it's a very valid point. It's true. I know so many women where either their partner doesn't help, or they are separated and he constantly is making excuses for not seeing his kids, paying CS.

    I'm not sure what the answer is. I've noticed many don't start out this way, they turn into jerks later on. So simply saying choose better often doesn't solve the problem.

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  5. #113
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    This, I would even go as far as to say that I would place things like parenting, volunteering and caring above paid employment. Just because someone gets paid to work does not make it more important than those other things, quiet the opposite actually.

    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I think when people say job they are generally saying they're a mum in place of paid employment if this makes sense. There are many things I consider equal to paid employment but unpaid - volunteering, being a carer, staying at home to look after the kids.

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  7. #114
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    They certainly do in my mind... I do know some good dads for sure, but in my experience it seems it's still more of a choice for dads and responsibility for mums. Yes, people will shoot me down for that but I see it over and over again, dads walking away from parenting when it suits them, or they need a break, or they want to do their own thing that weekend etc. even my friends husbands/partners that I can think of who are great dads are largely selective about what they do at times.
    I agree, I've known so many dads who have left one family and started another, have left because they "needed a break", came back, left again "because they needed a break" and so on. Of course there are some women out there who do things like that, but the rates aren't even comparable.

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  9. #115
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    This, I would even go as far as to say that I would place things like parenting, volunteering and caring above paid employment. Just because someone gets paid to work does not make it more important than those other things, quiet the opposite actually.
    Hmmm... Why the opposite?

    And we all parent. Even those of us who are in paid employment as well. Don't we?

    I know you didn't intend it but I think your post is a bit hurtful for those who work tbh.

  10. #116
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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    Hmmm... Why the opposite?

    And we all parent. Even those of us who are in paid employment as well. Don't we?

    I know you didn't intend it but I think your post is a bit hurtful for those who work tbh.
    I think that was her point.

    The unpaid element of a working parent's role - ie the parenting - isn't less important than the paid element of their role - ie their job.

    Employment doesn't mean importance.

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  12. #117
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    After reading many threads on BH I came to the conclusion that parenting duties not being shared 50/50 is a choice from the couple, conscious or not.
    Parenting duties not being shared 50/50 comes down to many many things- among them our upbringing and what we see as 'the norm', our partners upbringing and what THEY see as 'the norm', societal standards etc.

    This is obviously a sore point for me as my husband does about 5% of the work around the house and 10% of the childrearing. We fight about it constantly. I don't have a choice but to do it all, because if I don't, it literally won't get done. I know this is really hard to believe for a lot of people with reasonable partners, but I kid you not, I can leave a bin, overflowing with rubbish, with my 15 month old twins going through it every hour, and he STILL will not take it out until I tell him too, and even then he'll do it when he's ready! Sometimes nagging is worth it, sometimes not. So yeah, I could 'choose' not to do it, but I would be seriously neglecting my role as a mother in doing so.

    When the babies cry in the middle of the night, I could 'choose' to ignore them like he does, but again, I feel this would be neglecting my role as a mother. I could 'choose' not to cook each night. He would probably get takeaway on the way home from work and the kids would starve. After a couple of hours of fighting (again, not good for the kids), he might get Maccas for them too, and every night I could 'choose' to do this for the sake of splitting the parenting 50/50, but again I would be neglecting my role as a mother.

    So yeah, having the ability to 'choose' is sometimes not really a choice at all.

    I actually get a bit sick of people telling me its something *I'm* doing that makes him like this- I'm too independent, I need to be more needy, he feels he doesn't have to chip in because I am capable of doing it all myself, I don't 'let' him help, I don't praise him enough for what he *does* do, I should withold sex/affection/emotional support as a way of getting him to do what I want, I don't nag enough, I should just say no when he wants to do stuff with his mates instead of fulfilling his duties at home etc etc etc, its always something the woman is doing wrong!

    Rant over!

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  14. #118
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    Being a mum is important to me, and yes oh hell yes some days its hard. Its challenging. And it does exhaust you beyond belief. Would i call it a "job" yes and no, im on the fence there. If it were a job i could quit, dispute working conditions as being far too noisy. I could kick a stink and someone else would hire a cleaner... Woohoooo! I could take holidays!



    I do think it comes down to wether your at home most/all of the time vs having a full/part time job. How challenging your kids are as lil human beings. Lets be real, all kids are different some actually are a handful and hard work. All perception i guess.



    I don't think there is a right or wrong. If people want to say its a hard job, does it really hurt you, or effect you? Nope, so let them.



    Some days being a mum is hard work for me, its tiring, exhausting, and takes every single strand of everything i have left in me but the end result is worth it.
    Last edited by MonsterMoosMum; 20-11-2013 at 08:22.

  15. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I think when people say job they are generally saying they're a mum in place of paid employment if this makes sense. There are many things I consider equal to paid employment but unpaid - volunteering, being a carer, staying at home to look after the kids.
    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    This, I would even go as far as to say that I would place things like parenting, volunteering and caring above paid employment. Just because someone gets paid to work does not make it more important than those other things, quiet the opposite actually.
    I agree. There is no glory or financial benefit from caring for the young, old, disabled etc. Its just long hours, physical toil and emotionally draining with no material recompense.

    I definitely find the days I get paid to work easier than the days I help my grandparents. Looking after them with two kids in tow is not easy. But its better than shoving them off to a home.


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  17. #120
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