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  1. #11
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    Hugs x Children by choice give great counselling. They support all decisions so would be a great start.

  2. #12
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    Like a pp has stated you seem to be quite concerned about the father of the baby, what he wants & how it will affect him. Admirable but right now I'd try to figure out what you want.

    I'm very pro choice & have previously terminated a pregnancy as I was very young. At the time I regretted it but I went on to have children later & rarely think about it.

    I do believe that when terminating women need more support afterwards especially as your hormones are so all over the place. I'm concerned you may not get that support so I urge you to keep in touch here on bubhub & please do not hesitate to inbox me at any time

    Your concerns for having a baby are obviously thought out. I do think I should point out that many many people regardless of relationship status, sex, race etc etc have those very same concerns. Kids are stressful & expensive but again if you keep in touch here on bubhub you will receive a lot of information in that regard.

    I wish you the best of luck in reaching a decision but please know you are never alone xx

  3. #13
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    Hugs xx

    You really do need to feel comfortable with your decision.......

    A little bit about me -

    I had an abortion with my first pregnancy. DH (then DP) and I had been together (had know each other as well) for about 3 months when I found out. Neither of us were ready for a baby, and it was the first conclusion I came to.

    I've never regretted the decision, although I did feel guilty about it for a long time (it's how a woman is supposed to feel, isn't it??)...I was lucky though, to be surrounded with support, and the procedure itself was fairly quick, and almost painless. I was 6 1/2 weeks when I found out I was pregnant (I remember going to the clinic and telling the nurse how late I was, and that I had taken a couple of hpts that were negative....I remember she said "it'll be pretty unlikely that you are then" - boy didn't she feel stupid!!), and 9 weeks when I had the abortion itself. I only felt a small pinch when they opened my cervix, some mild cramping, and barely any spotting afterwards. From memory, while I was conscious during, I was given Valium and nitrous oxide, so I was pretty out of it.

    The second time we fell pregnant was almost 10 years later....it wasn't planned, we weren't trying, but it still happened. DH (still DP then) was super stressed at the time anyway, and, long story short (we couldn't afford a baby, we still weren't ready) I planned to terminate. However I ended up miscarrying naturally round about 4 or 5 weeks - I was so relieved!! As it turns out, with the added value of hindsight (of course), I came to realise that I had felt relieved about the mc as it meant I didn't have to go ahead with the decision to terminate. I would've wanted to keep the baby.

    DH and went through a bit of a bad patch in our relationship after that......needless to say we worked it out; he's been continually and consistently fantastic since. We married in January this year and started ttc straight after. It's a wonderful feeling to be pregnant with a planned baby (by the way, I'm 36, and DH will be 40 early next year).

    Not sure if that helped or not, just wanted to add my support, especially from someone who's been through it.

    Feel free to pm me if you like.......massive, massive hugs to you. It sounds like whatever decision you make, it won't be easy.

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    Last edited by littleduck; 17-11-2013 at 17:49.

  4. #14
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    Oh and I meant to add, about the fetus' ability to feel pain......I've read that some places in the states are trying to use this as an argument to support making "late" term abortions illegal, but there's not actually evidence to support it - and that a fetus doesn't have sufficiently developed nerve endings to feel pain, especially earlier on in the pregnancy.

    xxxxxxx

  5. #15
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    Hugs xx I am pro choice, but the choice has to be yours. Please don't feel pressured either way. Please speak to a councillor ASAP. As someone mentioned if you don't feel comfortable aborting, but also not comfortable keeping the baby there is adoption options.

  6. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Plan2bamummy For This Useful Post:

    beebs  (18-11-2013),PurpleButterfly4  (18-11-2013),Silver_Lining  (18-11-2013)

  7. #16
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    Hugs. I haven't been in this situation but I know someone close who has, she was like you but the other way around. Her parents and family would have disowned her that point in time if she had continued her pregnancy. She was also financially not secure. But she sounded just like you, unsure. I remember telling her it's her choice and whatever she decides she'll have to live it through. She terminated. Was guilty for a long time and more after she had her children. Every time sees them she thinks of the one she terminated. Like PP have said see your doctor ASAP, get counselling, examine your feelings, find out what benefits are available to you. It's your choice.
    It's such a hard situation to be in. Sending my thoughts to you. If you need to talk to someone feel free to pm me. Please take care of yourself.

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  9. #17
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    Thank you everyone for your kindness and understanding, and very helpful advice..
    My termination has been rescheduled for Friday morning, for the simple fact that the clinic said the anesthetist who is on on Tuesday would not allow me to leave without me having someone pick me up, and as I have no family or friends, I need to use public transport, so.... I have two extra days to think, rethink and overthink..
    I know in my head that the best thing to do is go through with it.. unfortunately its just not the right time in life.. with the financial situation, with no friends or family in Australia.. this year my other half and I are looking at visas for me to be able to stay in the US with him.. if only this had happened in 6 months or so, everything would have been ok but my heart is against it.. for the fact that it's an innocent little baby who never asked or chose to be in this position..
    I'm torturing myself looking at pictures.. I'll be 10 weeks and 4 days by then and it looks so much like a little person I wish I had had this done when I first found out.. before it developed and grew more.. because its becoming harder and harder to think of..

  10. #18
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    Oh, and to answer some questions that I forgot, my other half is 19 and I'm 29 :/
    I know its a huge gap... and now you may understand that he is very young and it would be a very, very life changing experience for him...
    He lives at home with his parents, they are very close and his parents are very overprotective.. his dad knows about us and approves of the relationship, but I;m not sure how well he'd deal with the news of pregnancy..
    His mom doesnt know, and she would be against it, for obvious reasons.. one being that she doesnt want her "baby" to grow up..
    I understand that there is centrelink services, etc.. but there is also the fact I would need to try to find my own place, even a unit in Sydney is very expensive, bond, rent.. and I dont even have any of my own furniture.. this is such a mess I know I probably sound very selfish at this point and like a loser.. I'm just so sad and scared of giving this baby a bad life.. I know that I will feel sadness and regret for a very long time.. but I'm not sure if not being able to properly provide for my baby would be worse if I had him/her..

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  12. #19
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    What a very difficult time for you. I hope you find the support you need here or elsewhere. Is adoption a possibility? Perhaps others here could offer information on that if it were a possibility for you.

    Sent from my GT-S5830T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  13. #20
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    I would love to PM you but your settings aren't allowing it, if you would like, please PM me xxx


 

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