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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    I'm really sorry OP, but I find the fact that you are not concerned about how she treats your DD very concerning! She is NOT a sibling to your DD, and she is 10 years older. As I said before she is practically an adult. To your 6 year old she would certainly seem like an adult. So from your DD's perspective this volatile young woman moves into your home, punches and hits you, verbally abuses you for being a regular 6 year old (and your mum backs her up by telling you off for it too, even though she usually wouldn't therefore validating the behavior) and your mum just thinks it's frustrating and annoying. I'll say it again- she is not parenting your DD, she is abusing her.
    There hasn't been anything psychical for a long time, sorry I thought I made that clear. If there was I certainly wouldn't be so calm about the situation. The physical stuff was at the start, when she first moved in. And dd1 was just as bad to sil. And I am just as tough on my other kids if I see or hear of them laying a finger on each other. And I don't always take sil's side- if I know dd1 has done something I normally wouldn't get up her for then I don't get up her- I acknowledge whatever she was doing might have annoyed sil (like if she was watching tv and dd1 was being loud or something), and I ask her to stop or go play in her room, which I do if its me or DH watching tv.


    Me + He =
    DD1, DD2, DD3 & bun in the oven due May 2014

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  3. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by lil miss View Post
    There hasn't been anything psychical for a long time, sorry I thought I made that clear. If there was I certainly wouldn't be so calm about the situation. The physical stuff was at the start, when she first moved in. And I am just as tough on my other kids if I see or hear of them laying a finger on each other.


    Me + He =
    DD1, DD2, DD3 & bun in the oven due May 2014
    Regardless, I think you need to reframe how you are thinking about this. She swore at your daughter, just this morning over very little, she didn't get into trouble for it but your DD did. I really think you need to stop thinking of it as her 'trying to parent', when what she is doing is lashing out. Look, I understand a bit of bossiness amongst siblings- I have 4 younger brothers and I bossed all of them around! But she has gone well and truly beyond bossiness or faux parenting. She is abusing your daughter, previously physically and now verbally. You can't referee between a 6 year old and a 16 year old, you need to protect your daughter, stand up for her and make it clear that you will not have her bullied and abused by a much much older relative.
    If I had EVER spoken to one of my younger brothers like that my parents would have come down on me like a tonne of bricks.

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  5. #53
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    I think you are doing an amazing job.

    One thing I would suggest is getting your husband involved more if its an option.

    16 year olds can be difficult at the best of times but after everything she and your family are going through I think everyone just needs to take a breath.

    Her mum just died. Whether it was an accident or a long illness, it would be life changing.


  6. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amira View Post
    I think you are doing an amazing job.

    One thing I would suggest is getting your husband involved more if its an option.

    16 year olds can be difficult at the best of times but after everything she and your family are going through I think everyone just needs to take a breath.

    Her mum just died. Whether it was an accident or a long illness, it would be life changing.

    Thank you. I really question it sometimes.

    DH tries to be as involved as possible but the fact he works away makes it hard. And he doesn't understand depression, self harm etc- he has tried and has tried talking to her about it but it makes him angry (he never ever says anything to her, he's not angry at her, just the fact he can't understand it). When he is home he helps a lot, and always backs me up.


    Me + He =
    DD1, DD2, DD3 & bun in the oven due May 2014


 

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