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  1. #31
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    It's really hard. I know a lady who's husband passed away unexpectedly when she was 14 weeks pregnant and she loves that his legacy lives on through their beautiful son.

    But I don't know how I would handle a pregnancy by myself, given that I would already be in an incredibly emotional state. I think it would be too much for me.

    I think for our family, we wouldn't. Because we already have a daughter together.




    Married to my soul mate, Mummy to one beautiful little girl, wishing for a little boy to complete our family.

  2. #32
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    bugger just wrote a reply and lost it!

    Who really discusses this topic with their other half. I don't know too many unless you're using ivf or have to freeze sperm due to medical reasons. eg. cancer treatment. Most people think they will live a long healthy life. Put your hand up if you've discussed this with your other half....I don't think it would be too many. Yes it will be discussed a bit more now as the topic has been raised and people will talk about it and then it will be forgotten.

    Dh and I saw this particular story years ago when we were ttc our first. It was the first time either one of us heard about it. DH left me a note on my bedside table the next morning giving his permission for me to use his sperm if he died. It was cute. But if we hadn't seen that program the note would've never been written. We now have 2 beautiful rugrats and I cant have anymore children. If I could and he died suddenly then maybe I would. We make awesome children. The note has long been misplaced tho.lol

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  4. #33
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    No. For selfish reasons - I would not want to deliberately become a single parent as it would so difficult (for me) to raise a child alone.
    If it was something I was interested in I would only go ahead with it if DH had agreed to it and was happy with the plan.

  5. #34
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    If there had already been extensive discussion about having children together and both parties had the same plans for their future together, then absolutely.

    I wish this had been an option when my partner died.

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  7. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by wktz View Post
    I think there's a difference between already having sperm / embryos frozen and using those after the father has dies, and actively taking sperm from them while they are on life support. If we were already going through ivf for instance and had embryos in storage then I can imagine wanting to use them, as obviously that is something we would have planned to do (not sure that I personally would do it, I'd have to really think through the realities of raising a child on my own who will never know their father, but I can see how someone might).

    Taking sperm from someone who is unable to give their consent however is a totally different thing and I could never do that. At that stage I don't think it matters that you might have planned kids together 'one day', as another pp said I would see that door as being closed.
    This sums up my feelings on it too

  8. #36
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    We have a son through IVF and an embryo on ice. We also signed forms saying the other could go ahead and have access to this in the event of one of our deaths. I just asked DH again how he would feel about me using frosty if he died and he said he would actually prefer I did so that our son could have a 'full' sibling rather than a half sibling. I don't think this would be doing this hypothetical second child any kind of a disservice.

    However, I'm not sure that taking sperm from someone who has recently died (don't think that would even work?) or is on life support is quite right unless it had been discussed or the couple were actively TTC.

    I do remember hearing about a case a few years back where a couple froze some embryos for later use (not sure if the woman had cancer or something?) but then split up. The woman wanted to use the embryos to have a child as she could no longer have one naturally but the husband had a new partner and said no. It went to court and she lost. I felt so sorry for her, she could never have kids.

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  10. #37
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    Having grown up without my father and knowing I have no chance of ever seeing him again I say no. It is a very grey subject, I think if you'd been going through IVF perhaps the circumstances are different but still not something I could do. Just knowing you won't ever meet your father is heart breaking and not something I could put a child or even Dhs family through.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slyph View Post
    Having grown up without my father and knowing I have no chance of ever seeing him again I say no. It is a very grey subject, I think if you'd been going through IVF perhaps the circumstances are different but still not something I could do. Just knowing you won't ever meet your father is heart breaking and not something I could put a child or even Dhs family through.
    Fair enough -- I don't know what that's like. What are your thoughts on anonymous sperm donation where a child will never know a father?

  12. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheekymonstersmum View Post
    bugger just wrote a reply and lost it!

    Who really discusses this topic with their other half. I don't know too many unless you're using ivf or have to freeze sperm due to medical reasons. eg. cancer treatment. Most people think they will live a long healthy life. Put your hand up if you've discussed this with your other half....I don't think it would be too many. Yes it will be discussed a bit more now as the topic has been raised and people will talk about it and then it will be forgotten.

    Dh and I saw this particular story years ago when we were ttc our first. It was the first time either one of us heard about it. DH left me a note on my bedside table the next morning giving his permission for me to use his sperm if he died. It was cute. But if we hadn't seen that program the note would've never been written. We now have 2 beautiful rugrats and I cant have anymore children. If I could and he died suddenly then maybe I would. We make awesome children. The note has long been misplaced tho.lol
    I guess it depends - because of my father's death, I've thought about and discussed with my loved ones about what I want to happen when I die (from when I was about 15/16). This facet of life was discussed with my DH before we got married (but obviously not on the first date haha!). My point being that some people do think about their mortality, even if they expect to live a long life.

  13. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by BettyW View Post
    Fair enough -- I don't know what that's like. What are your thoughts on anonymous sperm donation where a child will never know a father?
    That's a completely different situation. In that situation both parents have decided that is how they're doing it, the child still has a chance to meet their father albeit unlikely. The fathers family aren't involved- I'd assume in some cases they wouldn't even know he donated sperm, to me the key difference is how the child grows up. Having your deceased partners child after he has passed would have incredible emotional tolls on everyone. A child who's immediate family don't know who their father is, would probably grow up none the wiser. Obviously eventually they will learn how they came into the world, you'd hope when they do question who their father is they are old enough to understand or if young will be able to hold onto the hope their father is out there and not the sadness that they won't ever get a chance to meet him.

    Like I said it's a grey subject, at the end of the day it's none of my business what someone chooses to do. I also cannot speak for anyone who was conceived with donor sperm, I'd be interested to hear how they feel.


 

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