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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by moveing on View Post
    Hi Bb, Bitter & Twisted no, sounds fair enough. I would pick you up on the ( just a friend, single parent) stuff, alone in his care? sounds a little more than what you make out but taking out a AVO on the other guy sounds a bit over the top. But your Ex may see the new partner as unsuitable to his children and so use anything within his power to test your new partners that may then care for his kids
    It isn't a new partner of Bb, it's her child's friends father.

  2. #22
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    Omg reading this I could swear you are all talking about my ex.

    It infuriates me on a daily basis how he dictates when he will see him, chop and change basically as he pleases, and have DS revolve around his life when it suits him and all but completely ignore his existence when it doesn't suit.

    His answer to that would be - because you're the mother. It is extremely unjust.

    He'll calls me horrible names (usually via SMS) if he doesn't get his way on something. i.e if I actually stand up for himself and tell him no on one of his demands.

    He won't call DS between visits. Ever. And sometimes he'll go three weeks without seeing him. He'll come 2 days after agreed and you guessed it, I'm the one consoling DS and making excuses for his useless Dad. That's the clincher I think - never saying one bad word about this douchebag because I know it would hurt my son and I still want them to have a relationship. So over making excuses for him though. Erghh.

    My saving grace that I've re partnered and he is such a great support through it all. But god some days I just wish the ex would just fall into a hole somewhere and we would never hear from him again. I don't want his ridiculousness and have a lasting effect on DS

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    He's also happily told me that the kids are no longer his responsibility that they are my hubby's
    I don't know how he's not deeply embarrassed and ashamed by this. Does he really think that being cheap is a good thing? And fobbing off his responsibilities?

    Financial responsibility when it comes to kids is the absolute bare minimum. My ex is the same, he thinks his current $30 per week completely absolves him of anything else. I honestly think of my DP as my son's father - a father is someone who provides for their child financially (and not just pocketmoney amounts ~$30-50 pw), tucks them in at night, asks how schooling is going, enrols them in after school activities, worries about them, etc. I think of my son's biological father as someone who babysits every now and again because he and his partner made it pretty clear that's all they wanted from the relationship.

  4. #24
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    Benji I don't know either, my older kids are teenagers so choose to have little to do with their dad.

    My eldest surprised me the other day and said that DH has been more of a dad to her than her bio dad😞

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    My eldest surprised me the other day and said that DH has been more of a dad to her than her bio dad

    As a mother, I would be devastated if my children felt that another woman was more of a parent to them that I was. And maybe that would be for selfish reasons, wanting to be the most important person in their lives, but surely it's natural to feel that way about your own kids? I find it hard enough to see my ex's partner having an influence on them at all, but I know that's an overreaction on my part. If I was so uninvolved that she was, in fact, more of a mother to them than I was, well...I just can't comprehend being okay with that.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by MermaidSister View Post
    My eldest surprised me the other day and said that DH has been more of a dad to her than her bio dadí ½í¸ž

    As a mother, I would be devastated if my children felt that another woman was more of a parent to them that I was. And maybe that would be for selfish reasons, wanting to be the most important person in their lives, but surely it's natural to feel that way about your own kids? I find it hard enough to see my ex's partner having an influence on them at all, but I know that's an overreaction on my part. If I was so uninvolved that she was, in fact, more of a mother to them than I was, well...I just can't comprehend being okay with that.
    It's not an overreaction. It's the biggest issue I have with my son going to exDH's aswell. If she wasn't living there I wouldn't mind DS spending more time there, like he used to before I found out about her.

    But I don't know or trust her & the little exDH told me about her when she was pregnant, has made me even more uncomfortable with her around my kids. Our co-parenting relationship would be - and was - so much smoother without her involved.

  7. #27
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    I think sometimes I see it from a very different perspective as for the most part I wasn't raised by my parents ( drug & alcohol issues )

    So for me I believe that a child's closest relationship/s may not always be with their bio parent. It's preferable if it is ( saves $$ on therapy down the track lol )

    I more feel sad for dd as I think her irresponsible, mostly absentee father already causes her to have issues & make bad decisions.

    As for my kids having a stepmum they're close to unfortunately they have the opposite. A stepmum who doesn't want them around at all. For their benefit I wish they had a stepmum who loved & adored them like I do😞

  8. #28
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    Ourbradybunch - that's a good point. You of course don't want a step-mum that treats your kids badly...but also feel threatened if they are *too* close!

  9. #29
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    Ahh yes, it's Thursday and just got the token text message from DS's dad saying he can have him tomorrow night but not next Friday as he has a christmas party but can have him the Sunday instead.

    Told him that unless he can commit, then stop asking me to have him overnight!! Lets just stick to the fortnightly day instead. Geezuz! And the guy has another toddler now too, yet still just does not get it.

    On the plus side, DS has me who puts him 1'st every day, vis he seriously rocks my universe!


 

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