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  1. #11
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    I only just saw this thread Fleetwood - I agree wholeheartedly! I'm also constantly amazed, even a year on, how much a person can change. I would never have willingly chosen this new version to have children with.

    Last Friday, exDH texted to ask if we could swap a night because 'he had a headache' and also had his new baby on his own that night. I said no as were going away this week, he still chose not to have him until Saturday. Then Sunday he texted asking me to go pick him up early, which was strange even for him. I arrive and he has his s.kank holding the baby standing at the door and then out on the lawn, watching us, clearly waiting to go out. So he already cut his weekend short by 1 night, then asked for it to be even shorter so he could go out with the new family. Why get me to I around to his place? Why not drop DS off like very other time??

    Not to mention he thought it's acceptable to have her standing there 5m away from me. He also didn't even open the car door to say hello to DS2, he's still the poor forgotten child. And exDH wonders why I was so angry and sent a really nasty message. Some days I wish I could just move far far away....

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    Ellewood  (20-11-2013)

  3. #12
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    It's relieved me to read this in a way, to know I'm not the only one dealing with this kind of crap. It's that "optional" factor - post separation, why do some men seem to think they can now pick and choose whether/when/how they raise their children? Since when is it a choice? And why does the addition of a new partner/family trump their priorities to their own flesh and blood, that they had first???

    I just can't understand it either. Like others, I can hardly believe sometimes that this is the same person I once wanted to build a life with! But I also can't believe it's the same man who used to spend extra time with his kids by choice, taking them out, doing things with them, spending one on one time with them because he actually wanted to. What the hell happened?

    It's so infuriating, believe me I know where you're coming from. Rights and responsibilities should go hand in hand, but it seems ok these days for non custodial parents to have the former without stepping up to the latter. I often wish he was just out of the picture altogether if this is what he calls "sharing the care".

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    Ellewood  (20-11-2013)

  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesca77 View Post
    I only just saw this thread Fleetwood - I agree wholeheartedly! I'm also constantly amazed, even a year on, how much a person can change. I would never have willingly chosen this new version to have children with.

    Last Friday, exDH texted to ask if we could swap a night because 'he had a headache' and also had his new baby on his own that night. I said no as were going away this week, he still chose not to have him until Saturday. Then Sunday he texted asking me to go pick him up early, which was strange even for him. I arrive and he has his s.kank holding the baby standing at the door and then out on the lawn, watching us, clearly waiting to go out. So he already cut his weekend short by 1 night, then asked for it to be even shorter so he could go out with the new family. Why get me to I around to his place? Why not drop DS off like very other time??

    Not to mention he thought it's acceptable to have her standing there 5m away from me. He also didn't even open the car door to say hello to DS2, he's still the poor forgotten child. And exDH wonders why I was so angry and sent a really nasty message. Some days I wish I could just move far far away....


  6. #14
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    Sorry not a single parent but gosh these dads make me cross. I hope the guilt catches up on them one day. You ladies rock! Your kids too.

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    Not a single parent either and I really hate to generalise but why are so many men such d.icks?! I just don't get it, I honestly only know a handful of men who have half the interest in their children that the mother does.

    It sh!ts me to tears the way men chop and change their visits, or how they weren't interested in their kid when they were married, then all of a sudden are going for 50/50 care after they separate when the poor kid barely knows them coz they were never around. Or how they quit their jobs so they don't have to pay child support.

    Grrrrrrr.....

    *** Disclaimer, I know not ALL men are like this but oh so many are!!!!

  8. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gracie's Mum View Post
    Sorry not a single parent but gosh these dads make me cross. I hope the guilt catches up on them one day. You ladies rock! Your kids too.
    I firmly believe exDH won't truly understand the impact of what he's done until I have someone else regularly around the boys. I think once they start mentioning someone's name around him, and that person is doing all the things with his boys that he should be, then it will hit him like a ton of bricks. He left while they were so young (one unborn) that the boys will naturally form a strong bond with the next guy living here. They won't know any different. And it will be way too late.

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  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesca77 View Post
    I firmly believe exDH won't truly understand the impact of what he's done until I have someone else regularly around the boys. I think once they start mentioning someone's name around him, and that person is doing all the things with his boys that he should be, then it will hit him like a ton of bricks. He left while they were so young (one unborn) that the boys will naturally form a strong bond with the next guy living here. They won't know any different. And it will be way too late.
    Yes but possibly (being hit by the ton of bricks) for all the wrong reasons and not waking up to himself. My ex thought I was seeing someone new because my son spent a fair bit of time with a friend in my home (and his child) who was just another single parent. My ex didn't like this man being around my children doing 'dad stuff' so he put an application into the court citing that this man is violent and until we go to a hearing my friend can only have the children alone in his care for 30 minutes (not that he was ever really alone with them apart from taking my son with him and his child to fish or ride bikes). Moral of this story is they continue with the cr*p behaviour, limit your opportunities and continue to ruin fun things for the kids. And yes, that's the sound of me squeezing lemons- i'm a bit bitter and twisted!
    Last edited by BbBbBh; 21-11-2013 at 23:15. Reason: Didn't quite make sense, still doesn't really

  11. #18
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    Bb that's truly awful for you and your DS, how unfair. I don't think my exDH would ever do that.....although he's done a lot I never imagined he would I guess!

  12. #19
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    Hi Bb, Bitter & Twisted no, sounds fair enough. I would pick you up on the ( just a friend, single parent) stuff, alone in his care? sounds a little more than what you make out but taking out a AVO on the other guy sounds a bit over the top. But your Ex may see the new partner as unsuitable to his children and so use anything within his power to test your new partners that may then care for his kids

  13. #20
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    I'm no longer a single parent but my ex is the same.

    He believes he fulfils his parental role perfectly by having kids every 2nd weekend ( mind you only 1 of our 3 go there, older 2 very rarely )
    He refuses to call them in between visits and says they can make an effort to call him, he also believes that financially he's doing his bit just by paying child support.
    $50 a week per kid never covered their private education you insisted I continue with & sure as hell doesn't cover or contribute towards 20k plus in braces.

    He's also happily told me that the kids are no longer his responsibility that they are my hubby's 😳

    On the flip side he almost never bothers me & it's really only when him & his gf are really not getting along that I hear from them & usually it's her calling me to carry on.


 

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