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  1. #1
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    Default Am I the only one who's husband is not really interested in sex?

    DH & I have been together nearly 5 years, married nearly 4, we're both 40 with one DS. He could take or leave it & I consider it a good month if we make love once a month & really good twice a month. We used to not be able to keep our hands off each other then we found out that he has a zero sperm count (DS is from some pretty whiz-bang IVF) & ever since then his libido has been non-existent. I really miss the fun & closeness of it. So, am I the only one with a higher libido than DH? How often is normal to make love?

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    Nope I'm in the same boat.
    I'm 31 and dF 40. And I have a much higher libido. Prob is if I instagate I get turned down. If he does then I take it cause chance it's all I'm gunna get. We have been together 7years. Onnce upon a time it was all the time. Now once a fortnight if I'm lucky. 😞

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    ertgirl  (13-11-2013)

  4. #3
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    It's sad, isn't it. Nice to know I'm not alone. I'm the same, hate to initiate cause I get scared/tired of being turned down. I end up dtd even when I'm exhausted, because, well I'm just not sure when I'll get the opportunity again... I thought we were so compatible when we met & a part of that was that we both had high libidos; now it's difficult not to feel a bit duped & ripped off.... We love each other to bits, but...

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    ExcitedMummyxxx  (13-11-2013)

  6. #4
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    This is me! DH has like no libido and we average once a month since DD was born almost 6 years ago. I always initiate and he honestly could take it or leave it. He's been tested and hormones were all on. GP told him to tell me to be more aggressive! And then suggested that we see a sex therapist.
    The thing now is I don't have the energy to initiate so it's not happening much at all. DH just got the snip and we need to do it about 20 times before checking again. We've done it three times 10 weeks!
    He's 40, I'm 37, and we've been together 10 years. Used to be like rabbits. It's taken me so long to not take it personally and we did see a counselor about 3 years ago. It does upset me a lot at times. It's so hard on your self esteem. But I can almost accept it's him not me now and we talk very openly about it which helps a lot and stops resentment building up. It does suck big time though!

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    ertgirl  (13-11-2013)

  8. #5
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    Have you talked about it? Has he had his testosterone levels checked?

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    ertgirl  (13-11-2013)

  10. #6
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    No you aren't alone. Exact same problem here.

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    ertgirl  (13-11-2013)

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    In the same boat here. I am 32 and DH is soon to be 31 and have been together 10 years married 8 with 3 kids and it is very rare for him to initiate it. If I feel it's been too long I will get the party started but usually DH is more then happy to kiss goodnight and go to sleep

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    ertgirl  (13-11-2013)

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    I agree with miss Kitty.

    first I'd rule out a porn issue. Porn is one of the biggest issues in couples seeking counselling today. Some people watch it secretly or not so secretly so much that it effects their desire for their spouse. It can be highly addictive and can make it very difficult for them to perform during normal regular sex.

    The second would having low testosterone. It needs to be tested in the afternoon as it is at it's highest in the mornings. Read up on low testosterone. It's extremely important for men and their energy levels to have a good T level. So even if it's within the normal range if its on the lower side you can still do a lot to boost it.

    Wanting sex is natural and normal. It's important for relationships to have mutually satisfying sex lives over all. That doesn't mean that it won't naturally ebb and flow, but that it shouldn't be always ebbing and not flowing. It's also normal to want to feel desired.

    I suggest writing an email asking him to be honest about why he thinks he has not much of a drive, ask for counselling and tell him you need to tackle this issue.

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    ertgirl  (13-11-2013)

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    My DH couldn't care one way or another 9 times out of 10. I on the other hand could jump his bones multiple times a day if I could!! It started taking its toll on my self esteem, because I would try to initiate it but get turned down. Eventually we had a big chat and he said he was exhausted and stressed from work (he did extremely long hours), and that he still found me sexy he just didn't have the energy to do anything.

    He works FIFO now (2 weeks on 1 week off) and its helped a lot.


    Me + He =
    DD1, DD2, DD3 & bun in the oven due May 2014

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    ertgirl  (13-11-2013)

  18. #10
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    We have talked about it till we're blue in the face, then we've just let it go (I figure maybe not talking about it will help it get better). I asked him tonight if I was younger & sexier & skinnier if it would be any different. He said no way! He can't really understand why it's a problem, we both love each other, right? I just feel like a total reject; men love sex, so if my man doesn't want to have sex with me I must be totally repugnant. What got me thinking about it was another thread tonight where one poster said something along the lines of 'when does a man say no to sex'... I thought, well, often at our place.

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    ExcitedMummyxxx  (13-11-2013)


 

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