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  1. #1
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    Default Clingy 9 month old, advice please

    Lately dd has been super clingy!!! Shes always loved a good mummy cuddle but lately I can't leave the room without her screaming. I do leave her sometimes though and sometimes she settles herself and keeps playing and other times she will just scream til I pick her up. Love her to bits but I want her to be a little more independent. Mchn saw her last month and said she was more clingy than most babies shed seen and advised me to get her in childcare or the like to socialise her more. Which I've now done. She goes to creche twice a week for 1.5 hrs and screams when I leave but then is fine. I wouldn't be so concerned but I think she's trying to crawl and is nearly there but I'm worried if I keep picking her up she will rely on me.
    Any advice appreciated, no judgements please
    Tia

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    How long has it been going on? I would assume it's just a phase and will pass at some point. It's a really common age for separation anxiety which will most likely settle with time. I am also a little surprised that the MCHN would suggest childcare to reduce clinginess at such a young age (though obviously I only know what you have posted here, while she has presumably based her opinion on more information). There are lots of tips online about separation anxiety and how to help get through it - not sure if I can post links here but a quick google showed lots!

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    I'd say it's just a little separation anxiety and would ease with time. Really surprised your MCHN would recommend childcare for that reason only. But that's just going based on what you've posted, not sure if there's more behind it


    Totally in love with our two beautiful little girls.
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    Quote Originally Posted by sajimum View Post
    How long has it been going on? I would assume it's just a phase and will pass at some point. It's a really common age for separation anxiety which will most likely settle with time. I am also a little surprised that the MCHN would suggest childcare to reduce clinginess at such a young age (though obviously I only know what you have posted here, while she has presumably based her opinion on more information). There are lots of tips online about separation anxiety and how to help get through it - not sure if I can post links here but a quick google showed lots!
    Thank you very much for your reply :-) I will look up separation anxiety now. She has just gotten worse the last couple of weeks. Mchn told me few months ago she thought she had separation anxiety but said it was too early to have started? She doesn't have many people to socialise with so I'm guessing this doesn't help. Hoping creche will help us. Thanks again

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    No offence but your mchn sounds like an idiot and I would take what she says with a grain of salt. Seperation anxiety can start at 6 months and usually peaks around 10-18 mths.

    As annoying as it is, it's actually a great thing. It means dd is learning that she is separate to you and is the first step in learning about sequences etc.

    From the research I did and I received from mchn it's best just to go with it. And in time she will learn that things and people go and come back.

    I also don't think childcare is necessary for purely this reason. You could instead go to a playgroup and she will gradually become more confident about playing with the other babies at her pace.

    That's not to say childcare is bad, just not completely necessary for this reason IMO.

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    Quote Originally Posted by crankyoldcow View Post
    She must be advanced then!

    I personally wouldn't enroll her in childcare to "cure" separation anxiety. I am from the give them what they need camp and to my way of thinking, the best thing you can give her what she wants ie you. She will grow out of it in her own time.

    For the record, I had very clingy children and they grew out of it in their own time.
    Thank u, I have just got the ergo out and will start wearing it again. I think I just needed some reassurance that this is normal. Google-ing separation anxiety I understand it more now

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    Quote Originally Posted by Donnab739 View Post
    No offence but your mchn sounds like an idiot and I would take what she says with a grain of salt. Seperation anxiety can start at 6 months and usually peaks around 10-18 mths.

    As annoying as it is, it's actually a great thing. It means dd is learning that she is separate to you and is the first step in learning about sequences etc.

    From the research I did and I received from mchn it's best just to go with it. And in time she will learn that things and people go and come back.

    I also don't think childcare is necessary for purely this reason. You could instead go to a playgroup and she will gradually become more confident about playing with the other babies at her pace.

    That's not to say childcare is bad, just not completely necessary for this reason IMO.
    Lol I actually like her but this is my first bub so I'm still learning and gaining my confidence. Dd is actually great with other babies when I have playdates with friends but just wants me there too all the time :-)
    Thank u for the reassurance

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    Could I stop her from learning to crawl if I pick her up and wear her all the time?

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    Quote Originally Posted by olismumma View Post
    Lol I actually like her but this is my first bub so I'm still learning and gaining my confidence. Dd is actually great with other babies when I have playdates with friends but just wants me there too all the time :-)
    Thank u for the reassurance

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    Yeah I liked mine til she said some things that had me feeling like the worst mum for no reason it turned out.

    They are a great source of information but it is also important to remember you are the expert on your baby and to trust your instincts.

    As for her not learning to crawl by being carried I don't believe so. One of the mums in my mothersgroup is very pro baby wearing and her ds started crawling around the same time as my ds and now at 1 is starting to try to walk.

    And by the sounds of it she is happy playing when you are in the room. So I would just use the ergo when you need to get things done etc. And im sure it will all work out just fine.

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    I have to say I agree, that the idea of sending a 9 month old to childcare to 'cure' separation anxiety which is developmentally appropriate seems extremely counter-intuitive. My son had massive separation anxiety around then, and I do remember how tiring it can be. Now he still likes to be near to me as much as he can but he trusts that I am around and will come to him if needed. I try to remember that it won't be too long before he doesn't want anything to do with me, and to enjoy my cuddles while I can!

    If you can handle it, I would say endure it and it's perfectly normal. What you are doing by being there for your daughter is building her trust in you and therefore her world around her. It's totally worth the effort. Hang in there :-)

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