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  1. #51
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    I think you should casually mention what you saw on his phone in a non-accusatory fashion and simply ask who she is.

    He has cheated before, so I think it's fair on your part to be a little suspicious.

    If I was personally in your situation I couldn't just sit on it and wait for more 'evidence' to surface. This could be a flirtation that hasn't gone much further and I think it's best to try and establish what is going on now rather than later.

    It's up to you how you handle it OP, but I think it's suspicious enough to warrant follow up on your behalf.

  2. #52
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    I'm not going to be very encouraging here sorry but "once a cheat always a cheat" as what I believe. It's happened twice and this rings alarm bells as being the start of a third time. And sorry but your dh's excuses are a crock.

  3. #53
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    I just wanted to offer you my support in here as well. I don't necessarily think once a cheat - always a cheat. I'd question the fact that it happened twice already but that doesn't mean he is cheating now.

    Just be open. Don't beat around the bush. I think anyone would understand and agree with you being justified in snooping. Even your partner needs to a accept that he needs to be translucent with you. It'd be a trigger and I think him being open is the least he could do.

    I was just thinking on your behalf - if you are still doing detective work - it'd be hard to assume that there is really a high trust level and also such a stressful energy that I think would consume me. I just couldn't do it.

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  5. #54
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    I believe people can change, I don't believe once a cheat- always a cheat. HOWEVER, that feeling you have got in the pit of your stomach- thats your intuition telling you somethings not right, and I believe its really important not to ignore that. They don't call it a woman's sixth sense for nothing!

    And I agree with others that he is not in a position to be upset at you for 'snooping' (even though you weren't). When you cheat on someone, you have to accept that you have broken the trust that comes with being loyal, and that your partner will get suspicious. Thats HIS fault, not yours.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Imsooverit View Post
    Im assuming by your response, you have not been cheated on. Or, if you were, your partner came clean when asked about it?

    Unfortunately, alot of cheaters won't admit to it, unless there is proof. If there is no proof and the cheater denies it, the cheater usually becomes more sneaky about it and hides any evidence (ie txt messages, emails, fb messages). That is why people say to snoop - to get the evidence so the cheater can't deny.

    OP ... I don't think I could hold my tongue. If you can't bide your time and you feel you have to speak with him now ... perhaps you could ask him an open question like "Would you like to tell me about x insert name x?". You don't need to expand any further until you have what you consider a truthful answer.

    I hope it is innocent and he hasn't gone back to his old ways.
    I like your suggestion. It catches him out a bit if there is more to it - he won't know how much you do know.

  7. #56
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    My first thought - his up to no good. I say confront him, based on his response you'll know the truth. His body language will give it away.

  8. #57
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    I just read the first page but look if it's innocent why hasn't he mentioned catching up with anybody, let alone the alluded plans to speak soon? Anyway you can choose to trust him if you like but I think that you know deep down this is going to eat away at you if you don't find out one way or another. I'd be inclined to watch him closely for a bit and ask him at some point when you feel you might know more. I don't even care how that sounds. Maybe he was remorseful when he cheated but not enough not to do it a second time so i'd be suspicious if I were you. How is your relationship lately, sorry if I'm getting too personal but are you guys still intimate and engaged? Or are you both kind of busy and not really making time for each other? Please don't read that as me saying it's a reason for him to cheat- it's not! But seeing as it was his excuse last time I thought it might be a relevant clue as to the possibility that he is up to no good. I hope it's nothing OP I really do.

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    I have been through this so I know how your feeling... If you want your relationship to survive, to grow, to mature, then you need to be honest. Be honest with yourself. Trust your instinct too. I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater. I do think people have the ability to redeem themselves, and I believe that a relationship can be saved only if the cheater realises that they have utterly broken that trust and that they will be questioned on things like this, its his job to make you feel secure again.. no matter how long it takes to regain that trust. If he loves you he will tell you the truth. Have some quite time alone and bring this up with him, he might feel shocked, may deny it, and then reveal the truth. Or not. Either way, it has to be done. Your relationship wont last if there is no honesty about how you feeling. Fingers crossed xxx

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  11. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    When was the text dated? If it was in the last few days why don't you ask him how his week has been and whether he's been up to anything interesting or had any new places to have lunch etc? If he doesn't mention it even when prompted I'd say suss. I think it's suss personally anyway.
    Last monday night 9.35pm he plays sport mixed teams. Possibly a team mate?
    god, now I feel sick.

  12. #60
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    Maybe it was just a reference to sport?

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app


 
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