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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beefie View Post
    i dont really want to get into his reasons or excuses. H is a wonderful hands on dad, a good hardworking supportive husband. We just went through a bad patch about 10yrs ago. I honestly never thougght id have to worry about that stuff ever again. I cant believe im even second guessing him. I still have his letter he wrote to me explaining everything when it happened for a 2nd time. I re-read it just now to make myself feel a bit better. He was so angy with himself and beat himself up pretty bad over it all. - As he should have! i just dont see him doing it again....we have kids now and he knows whats going to happen if he breaks my trust ever again.
    If that's how you feel about things/him and he knows the repercussions of actions like this than I would out rightly ask about the text.
    I think you're justified in asking him about it

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoseBetweenTheThorns View Post
    I like how whenever i see these threads there are always people saying snoop, Do you really think that is a trusting relationship????
    Im assuming by your response, you have not been cheated on. Or, if you were, your partner came clean when asked about it?

    Unfortunately, alot of cheaters won't admit to it, unless there is proof. If there is no proof and the cheater denies it, the cheater usually becomes more sneaky about it and hides any evidence (ie txt messages, emails, fb messages). That is why people say to snoop - to get the evidence so the cheater can't deny.

    OP ... I don't think I could hold my tongue. If you can't bide your time and you feel you have to speak with him now ... perhaps you could ask him an open question like "Would you like to tell me about x insert name x?". You don't need to expand any further until you have what you consider a truthful answer.

    I hope it is innocent and he hasn't gone back to his old ways.
    Last edited by Life is Good; 11-11-2013 at 13:08.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beefie View Post
    DH looks for emotional relationship elsewhere if he doesnt get it from me. He has told me the reason why he cheated "because i dont feel you want me anymore...i like to feel wanted". I did take our relationship for granted.
    Don't blame yourself, he cheated, blaming you is the oldest trick in the book.

    Sounds very suss, even without the cheating history.

    The problem with cheating, is that even if you forgive them, you never forget and it's always there in the back of your mind. Something like this happens and you are immediately suss (and that's justified).

    Confront him, ask him to please explain it.

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  5. #24
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    Nothing wrong with snooping, I snoop all the time

  6. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beefie View Post
    what could go wrong if i just asked him who the woman is?

    "hey dh, dd was playing in ur text mesgs...whos "name"?
    Will he think i was snooping and just used dd for cover?
    i dont want this to all blow up if it was just...nothing.
    Given his history though, he shouldnt blame you for being suspicious. He needs to own that his actions made you this way. Id ask him.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  8. #26
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    I think you just need to confront him. Tell him you saw it and not get all detective behind his back.

    Hats off to you for giving him a second - well third chance. My exH had an affair and before he could explain or defend himself his stuff was on the patio and I'd called his mum to tell her he would need a place to stay.

    Your self worth is up to you. This text may be nothing - but if you are feeling the need to snoop (which I completely understand) then the trust isn't there. I know what that sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach feels like. I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. I'd just be open and honest with him because I don't think snooping on him any further will make you feel any good.

    Just on a side note - I can completely understand how you would question yourself based on what he has said about not getting attention from you. My ex tried the 'shift the blame to me' card as well. But at the end of the day people who are happy and committed don't go looking elsewhere attention. They also talk to their partners if the are feeling neglected and work through those feelings and circumstances together.

    Repeat after me 'I am in no way responsible for my partner cheating. He had a choice and he alone needs to take responsibility for that. I have contributed to the problems in my relationship but I did not 'make' him cheat. He did that all by himself.'
    Last edited by Theboys&me; 11-11-2013 at 13:12.

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  10. #27
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    Just personally there is no way I could wait and try to find proof I would have to ask him straight out "what the hell is this"? But then we are all different and react differently in lots of situations, I hope you get to the bottom of this and it's something completely harmless. (((Hugs))) to you x

  11. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Calstar View Post
    I think that's a crock! Completely unjustified excuse IMO!
    Aside from the cheating has he been the epitome of an ideal husband?? If not his excuse for cheating has no foundations!
    Seems like he plucked that one out if thin air, you don't seek out someone else if times get hard. Full stop.
    Exactly this. Not cool, I would be very suss.

  12. #29
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    If he gets upset with you for asking he's really being a bit unfair. Does he really expect you to trust him completely after being unfaithful on more than one occasion? Could he really blame you for being suspicious about a strange text from a female you don't know to him about a 'catch up'?

  13. #30
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    I am in no way condoning cheating, but it just shows lack of trust if you need to snoop. But DP and I have a very different relationship to others.


 

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