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  1. #1
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    Default a text msg on dh's phone....

    DD was playing on DH's phone this morning while he was in the shower. I glanced over at her to make sure she was still playing her game and she had gone into dh's messages.....

    I found a weird msg from a female - Just first name.
    It said DH - Was good to catch up. Thanks.
    Female - You call that a catch up?!?! speak soon.

    Sounds perfectly fine and innocent? right
    Bit of history: DH has cheated on me twice many years back before we were married and had children. it all began with emails and text msgs that he would straight away delete. They were always numbers, never assigned to names/secret names. Needless to say i snooped because i was suspicious at his odd phone behaviour. I wanted evidence, when i called a number a woman answered and i hung up. She called back straight away and i made DH answer it. He freaked out and ended up telling me everything.
    It happened again about 2yrs later with a different person via emails and private fb msgs - basically having cyber sex with this woman .....i was working silly hours and we never saw eachother. I became suspicious because he was deleting history on the pc. But i knew his passwords. We got through it again. Just. It broke me for a long time. I didnt trust him for a long time.

    He has not deleted this msg and left her name as the contact. Im not that concerned. Im only feeling weird about it because of dh's cheating hsitory, even though it was ages ago when it happened. I hate snooping but i cant help it. I should ask him what its about, right?...how?
    I hate that feeling in the pit of my stomach......"please, not again...".

    It has made me think twice about spending more time with eachother. We really need to make the effort to be together and have "us time" and for our relationship. Sometimes we get so busy and we seem to drift a bit.
    Last edited by Beefie; 11-11-2013 at 12:40.

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  3. #2
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    The fact that he had cheated not once , but TWICE would be a big red flag for me, sorry.

    I don't think cheaters ever change their spots....

    And I don't think spending or not spending time together makes a man fall into bed with another woman....

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  5. #3
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    To me that would say he bumped into her, they had a quick chat and then went on their merry way. But with his history I couldnt help but be overly suspicious. He didn't mention catching up with anybody Im guessing? Sorry no advice on what you should do
    Last edited by Purple Lily; 11-11-2013 at 12:43.

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    Given the history, I would be suspicious.
    But the txt itself isn't completely damning, it just sounds a bit odd.

  8. #5
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    what could go wrong if i just asked him who the woman is?

    "hey dh, dd was playing in ur text mesgs...whos "name"?
    Will he think i was snooping and just used dd for cover?
    i dont want this to all blow up if it was just...nothing.

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  10. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Calstar View Post
    Given the history, I would be suspicious.
    But the txt itself isn't completely damning, it just sounds a bit odd.

    strangely odd. thats why im a bit suss...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beefie View Post
    what could go wrong if i just asked him who the woman is?

    "hey dh, dd was playing in ur text mesgs...whos "name"?
    Will he think i was snooping and just used dd for cover?
    i dont want this to all blow up if it was just...nothing.
    If it was me I know I would have to ask him and hear his response see how he reacts. And if it does blow up maybe just remind him why you are suspicious given his history. He cant blame you for wanting to know.

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    Given his history of cheating, and the fact it all started with text messages I would be suspicious. I doubt it's a case of knowing each other from way back and just running into each other. Why do they have each other's numbers? and 'talk soon' tells me they are involved in ongoing contact.

    When these sort of threads come up I'm loathed to say he's cheating, bc we can't know for sure. if I were you, I wouldn't say anything yet, and monitor his phone and internet. IME if you confront a cheater before you have evidence they just deny and then become more careful. If it is innocent, he's going to be angry you don't trust him. If it were me, I'd bide my time. If there's nothing untoward that will show itself. If there is something going on, you can gather evidence so he can't weasle out of it.

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    Ummm no that doesn't sound innocent to me at all & I only read the bit about what the txt said

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  17. #10
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    I wouldn't like it and I would ask him about it, surely he won't be upset with you for asking given his past behaviour is likely the cause for you asking questions in the first place. I hope all goes well xo


 

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