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  1. #1
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    Default Visitation for infants

    DS2 is 8mths old now (time has flown!) and I know I need to start thinking about the prospect of letting him go alone with exDH.

    The very thought of having to allow DS2 over to his house, especially for overnight stays, gives me full anxiety. Particularly when he's just had a baby with his s.kank, so there's only a 6mth difference between his two youngest children. I'm not comfortable at all with him (or her as a FTM) taking care of 3 children under 2. They have both proven so far not to be reliable and exDH certainly hasn't been a dedicated parent yet, especially to DS2.

    It's terribly difficult, as I feel as though DS2 is MY baby. We split when I was pregnant, so I've raised him single handedly, along with DS1 since he was 13mths (now 26mths). I know as the father he has rights, and I've actually been the one to encourage regular visits to my house, even though I wished I never had to see him again. I want my boys to know their father and have as good as relationship as possible.

    So....just wanting experience as to when your baby started spending time at fob place? When did overnights start?

    I'm really struggling with even the idea of my little baby being taken away from me for ages yet the thought of his s.kank playing happy families with both my boys, while I'm home on my own, truly makes me want to vomit. She's already been so insensitive, posting all over Facebook about how exDH is 'totally and utterly smitten' with his latest baby. Meanwhile, DS2 is virtually the forgotten child do far, gets hardly anything from him at all. Breaks my heart and makes me extra protective.

    Sorry, that turned in to a vent

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    I don't have any experience to share but just wanted to say your boys are very lucky to have you.

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    Pesca77  (10-11-2013)

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    bunkx is offline Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections
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    Hugs

    I've read a lot of your threads and post, you seem like an amazing strong mum


    I wouldn't be allowing over night till around 2 years old ( I think that May be around the age recommending but not 100% sure tho)

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    Quote Originally Posted by bunkx View Post
    Hugs

    I've read a lot of your threads and post, you seem like an amazing strong mum


    I wouldn't be allowing over night till around 2 years old ( I think that May be around the age recommending but not 100% sure tho)
    Im the same. Although I have no expirience in this area I think 2 is a good age.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    I'd be reluctant to start overnights yet. Would you be comfortable with 4-6 hour day visits?
    I would say start out small, a few hours at a time. Is the ex pushing for overnights?
    I know it's hard to stomach but the unfortunate thing is there's little you can do about his partner unless there are serious safety issues. Has she expressed any interest in your boys? In a perfect world it would be good if you guys had a civil relationship but I remember your situation well and I don't blame you for a minute for feeling like you do and I'm so sorry you are stuck in such a sh!tty situation. I applaud you for maintaining the father/child relationship especially in these circumstances, your boys are SO lucky to have you.

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    I agree with 2 years
    Quote Originally Posted by bunkx View Post
    Hugs

    I've read a lot of your threads and post, you seem like an amazing strong mum


    I wouldn't be allowing over night till around 2 years old ( I think that May be around the age recommending but not 100% sure tho)

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    I apologise, I'm not a single mum but I've followed your story and don't know how you conduct yourself with such dignity. Your boys will one day be exceedingly proud of you!

    Your just amazing!

    2 yrs sounds about right to me but I can understand your reluctance and protectiveness. I don't know how you overcome that.
    Last edited by RipperRita; 09-11-2013 at 22:55.

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    Pesca77  (10-11-2013)

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    This is an upcoming issue for me and new research shows it really shouldn't be till around 4-5 years when infants should have sleepovers if you have been the primary caregiver. Night time is a particularly stressful time for little ones and sleepovers are not always 'in the best interests of the child'. I found this, amongst other articles helpful. I particularly like the part that asks, would the secondary parent call the primary parent at night if the child was upset: http://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au/__dat...ember-2011.pdf

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    Atropos  (10-11-2013),PurpleButterfly4  (11-11-2013),RipperRita  (10-11-2013)

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    Quote Originally Posted by BbBbBh View Post
    This is an upcoming issue for me and new research shows it really shouldn't be till around 4-5 years when infants should have sleepovers if you have been the primary caregiver. Night time is a particularly stressful time for little ones and sleepovers are not always 'in the best interests of the child'. I found this, amongst other articles helpful. I particularly like the part that asks, would the secondary parent call the primary parent at night if the child was upset: http://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au/__dat...ember-2011.pdf
    Brilliant article, thanks heaps

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    Thanks ladies for your kind words.

    Atropos, yes I'd dearly like it to be as civil as possible, for my boys sake. Things were going well actually with exDH, but the birth of his new baby has thrown us a bit so currently it's a little strained. It's been very painful for me, made me take two steps back when I was doing so well. He's also very clearly dropped his involvement with our boys too, which he can't see yet. I'm hoping it's just the newborn phase and things will settle again soon.

    No he hasn't even asked to take him for half an hour, let alone overnight! I'm just starting to get myself prepared as I think they should start to spend more 1:1 time as DS2 gets older. I was thinking of starting slow with say 2hrs first, building up to a day.

    I'm so glad you all agree that overnight is a long way off. DS1 started overnights at 15mths and it just felt way too young (although admittedly he's a happy & well adjusted boy, so no issue). But he had a strong bond already, DS2 doesn't obviously.

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