My kids went through a phase of crying/whinging pretty much all day, so I understand OP. If you haven't already, maybe a trip to the go to make sure there's nothing wrong.
As for the neighbour, a Snickers maybe?
Yes, if you know your kids are loud you try to keep others in mind but it doesn't take much to offer a kind word either.
It sounds like you're doing what you can. Maybe old biddy over the fence was having a bad day and unfortunately you're the one who got it.
My boys eventually stopped crying/whinging (it does happen), they've now moved on to loud role playing
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