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  1. #71
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    Wasn't that the implication in your post?
    Perhaps I misunderstood your use of the word martyr?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Theboys&me View Post
    See this is a prime example of a thread to me of people feeling defensive or upset based on their own feelings or circumstances.

    (Please don't shoot me) ... But it's quite reminiscent of breast feeding/bottle feeding threads. A mother feels proud of her achievements in being able to breastfeed successfully ... a bottle feeding mother takes it as a swipe at them for being unable to.

    Because 'I' am someone who is fiercely independent and actually uncomfortable about accepting help - well obviously my personal circumstances dictate that the OPs thread has no underlying negative annotations to me.

    I think when you are proud of your capabilities it often plays on others perceived deficiencies unintentionally. I'm not sure if that was the OPs agenda - but I honestly didn't see it as harmful (again because I thrive on striving through life unassisted).

    Take it easy on her until she shares otherwise because perhaps she just doesn't understand because it's not an experience she's encountered.
    I get what your saying, and that very well could have been her intentions with starting the thread, who knows. But I think its all in how you word it.

    Ie: saying I breastfed and I personally loved it/it was easy for me. Is perfectly ok in my eyes.

    Saying "I breastfed, so why cant everyone" is not. Its hurtful to people who havent been able to for one reason or another.

    If OP had of said, I dont find that I need help, I was wondering if others feel the same, I would have taken it differently. Its when comments/insinuations are made about why one person can do it so why cant everyone that people tend to get their backs up... thats just my take on it all anyway

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  4. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by swings and roundabouts View Post
    Wasn't that the implication in your post?
    Perhaps I misunderstood your use of the word martyr?
    Read my post again. If people need help, they need help. There are no rewards for being a matyr. Meaning: if you need help but refuse help offered there is no reward at the end. Accept it and cherish it.

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  6. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    Read my post again. If people need help, they need help. There are no rewards for being a matyr. Meaning: if you need help but refuse help offered there is no reward at the end. Accept it and cherish it.
    I agree.
    Thanks for the clarification.

  7. #75
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    Yes i do need help

    But i dont often get it. When my housework needs have reached its limits i ask my mum to mind dd for two hours while my boys are at school and preschool so i can get things done. Thats happened 4 times in 11 months but i would dearly love if it could happen once a fortnight even.

    My boys are really hard work and if
    Im honest, my dd is too. That combined with 6 months of illness... Yeah im failing in a lot of areas.

    Im not ashamed to say that my world
    Is hectic and crazy and messy and since having dd i cant really cope with it all on my own. I'll probably put her into care one day a week next year even tho the mere idea of it makes me want to cry.


    Mumma to two beautiful boys on the spectrum and one special little girl.

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  9. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    I get what your saying, and that very well could have been her intentions with starting the thread, who knows. But I think its all in how you word it.

    Ie: saying I breastfed and I personally loved it/it was easy for me. Is perfectly ok in my eyes.

    Saying "I breastfed, so why cant everyone" is not. Its hurtful to people who havent been able to for one reason or another.

    If OP had of said, I dont find that I need help, I was wondering if others feel the same, I would have taken it differently. Its when comments/insinuations are made about why one person can do it so why cant everyone that people tend to get their backs up... thats just my take on it all anyway

    Sent from my GT-I9305T using The Bub Hub mobile app
    I've read threads in the past about breast feeding saying along the lines of 'breast feeding is so easy for me - it's natural it's how it's meant to be. I could never give my child milk from another animal. Babies should have their mum's milk.' Which to a breast feeder or a person without guilt reads completely fine. But to a bottle feeder with guilt or disappointment could read quite differently.

    It's actually much like when I read thread about people 'throwing in the towel on marriage - or not trying hard enough. Or divorce or so easy and people don't work on marriages these days - they aren't meant to be easy ... I'm still married because of x,y,z' when someone is proud of their relationship ... I'll be honest often translates in my head as 'you didn't try hard enough to make your marriage work' to which my inner retort is 'no your husband just didn't have an affair'.

    It only strikes a nerve because I feel sensitive about it because of my personal circumstances. A person should be able to feel proud of what they feel is a personal achievement whether it be maintaining a long and happy marriage or raising their children without assistance.

    I'm not sure why so often people take things as a personal attack??

    My rational thoughts know that a person celebrating the continuation and personal reasons they feel are behind their successful marriage are not a swipe at me... And if I was being completely honest I feel it's quite narcissistic of me when I feel defensive or individually attacked. It's human nature though. I completely understand it - I was just pointing out the OPs thread didn't stir any unwanted feelings in me I guess because in this instance I'm on a similar page??

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  11. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theboys&me View Post
    See this is a prime example of a thread to me of people feeling defensive or upset based on their own feelings or circumstances.

    (Please don't shoot me) ... But it's quite reminiscent of breast feeding/bottle feeding threads. A mother feels proud of her achievements in being able to breastfeed successfully ... a bottle feeding mother takes it as a swipe at them for being unable to.

    Because 'I' am someone who is fiercely independent and actually uncomfortable about accepting help - well obviously my personal circumstances dictate that the OPs thread has no underlying negative annotations to me.

    I think when you are proud of your capabilities it often plays on others perceived deficiencies unintentionally. I'm not sure if that was the OPs agenda - but I honestly didn't see it as harmful (again because I thrive on striving through life unassisted).

    Take it easy on her until she shares otherwise because perhaps she just doesn't understand because it's not an experience she's encountered.
    Agree 100%
    Being proud of what you are able to accomplish is not a dig at anyone else.

    I'm proud that at 25, DH and I own a fairly big chunk of land and built a beautiful house that we don't own alot on anymore. I love that I don't have to rent.

    So that could be interpreted that I'm having a dig at people who rent but I'm just proud of what we have achieved together.


    DH(31)+ Me(25)=
    DS (09/12/09)
    DS (04/02/13)
    #3 due 20/07/14

  12. #78
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    What about the 'after all they are MY kids, thats why i had them' line tho?

    Just being proud?


    Mumma to two beautiful boys on the spectrum and one special little girl.

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  14. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie_eyes View Post
    What about the 'after all they are MY kids, thats why i had them' line tho?

    Just being proud?


    Mumma to two beautiful boys on the spectrum and one special little girl.
    Well it's the truth isn't it?

    I don't know? I'm a pretty cruisey person and I'm comfortable with who I am. not a lot bothers me and other people's opinions don't tend to get to me. So maybe I find it difficult to understand how people get so offended.


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    DS (04/02/13)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie_eyes View Post
    What about the 'after all they are MY kids, thats why i had them' line tho?

    Just being proud?


    Mumma to two beautiful boys on the spectrum and one special little girl.
    I'd like to think that it's just the OP being slightly naive rather than intentionally smug?

    I dunno, I've been accused of all sorts of things over the years that I've been on the hub because I BF my toddlers and I co-sleep but I think with retrospect, I was pretty naive to others situations.


 

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