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  1. #61
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    The OP made me feel less of a mother for having help. I know that's not how it was intended but I felt guilty. I love my DD and DH and I are her parents but we stil have paid and unpaid help. This makes us better parents

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MinnieMouse81 For This Useful Post:

    peanutmonkey  (06-11-2013),RipperRita  (07-11-2013)

  3. #62
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    Yes, I need help. I simply can't do it on my own any more and it's been a real lesson in gratitude and acceptance.

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  5. #63
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    There are no special set of circumstances in my life that necessitate help from family members.
    I neither need nor want help.
    That's just me.
    But not having someone fold my laundry, do kinder pickups or look after my boys for a weekend, doesn't mean that I am without a village.
    I have a fairly open-house policy and family are welcome to come and go as they please. And they do. They don't hang my washing, but they do spend time with my kidlets. That's how my village works.
    I think they quality of help that's on offer is also a key factor in accepting assistance. If that help doesn't feel helpful, they why on earth accept it just, as someone suggested, to make someone else feel better?
    I don't think anyone should feel ashamed for seeking help. Nor should anyone be shamed into accepting help they simply don't want or need.

  6. #64
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    See this is a prime example of a thread to me of people feeling defensive or upset based on their own feelings or circumstances.

    (Please don't shoot me) ... But it's quite reminiscent of breast feeding/bottle feeding threads. A mother feels proud of her achievements in being able to breastfeed successfully ... a bottle feeding mother takes it as a swipe at them for being unable to.

    Because 'I' am someone who is fiercely independent and actually uncomfortable about accepting help - well obviously my personal circumstances dictate that the OPs thread has no underlying negative annotations to me.

    I think when you are proud of your capabilities it often plays on others perceived deficiencies unintentionally. I'm not sure if that was the OPs agenda - but I honestly didn't see it as harmful (again because I thrive on striving through life unassisted).

    Take it easy on her until she shares otherwise because perhaps she just doesn't understand because it's not an experience she's encountered.

  7. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Theboys&me For This Useful Post:

    CassJ  (06-11-2013),EmilyMac  (07-11-2013),Miados2007  (06-11-2013),peanutmonkey  (06-11-2013),swings and roundabouts  (06-11-2013)

  8. #65
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    One of my biggest reservations about moving to London was that we wouldn't have DH's mom (or our other fantastic support group of friends) around to help if I am not coping when DS arrives in Feb. I have a history of depression and our daughter was stillborn last year, two things that make me a prime candidate for PND. My MIL LOVES to help out, is a fabulous cook and is pro-active and sensible (my mom, not so practical and sensible...). I know MIL would have been there to help with whatever if I wasn't coping (and if I admitted to needing help because I know I can be stubborn in accepting it).

    It's really daunting knowing that we're on our own over here.

    My biggest thought on this is who cares? Everyone's doing their best.

  9. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by MinnieMouse81 View Post
    The OP made me feel less of a mother for having help. I know that's not how it was intended but I felt guilty. I love my DD and DH and I are her parents but we stil have paid and unpaid help. This makes us better parents
    It shouldn't.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  10. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by MinnieMouse81 View Post
    The OP made me feel less of a mother for having help. I know that's not how it was intended but I felt guilty. I love my DD and DH and I are her parents but we stil have paid and unpaid help. This makes us better parents
    There are no medals for being a matyr. You're doing fine. If you need help, you need help. I have loads of help and love and appreciate every minute of it.

  11. #68
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    Independent = Martyr
    I just don't see the connection.

  12. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theboys&me View Post
    See this is a prime example of a thread to me of people feeling defensive or upset based on their own feelings or circumstances.

    (Please don't shoot me) ... But it's quite reminiscent of breast feeding/bottle feeding threads. A mother feels proud of her achievements in being able to breastfeed successfully ... a bottle feeding mother takes it as a swipe at them for being unable to.

    Because 'I' am someone who is fiercely independent and actually uncomfortable about accepting help - well obviously my personal circumstances dictate that the OPs thread has no underlying negative annotations to me.

    I think when you are proud of your capabilities it often plays on others perceived deficiencies unintentionally. I'm not sure if that was the OPs agenda - but I honestly didn't see it as harmful (again because I thrive on striving through life unassisted).

    Take it easy on her until she shares otherwise because perhaps she just doesn't understand because it's not an experience she's encountered.
    I do tend to agree. This thread hits a nerve for me, because I'm just like you. I need to be independent, it makes me feel better about me. I've never done day care or had a cleaner - my parents have always lived hours away from me and yet circumstances beyond my control mean that I'm in the process of organising a cleaner to come once a fortnight and my Dad is coming on Friday to stay for a few days because DH is working 16 hour days atm and will be until Christmas and I HATE it! But as I said it's a lesson about acceptance and gratitiude.

    I could never have my mum stay for more than two days because I'd kill her dead.

  13. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by swings and roundabouts View Post
    Independent = Martyr
    I just don't see the connection.
    Nobody said anything of the sort.


 

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