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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesca77 View Post
    Oh TB&M, your OP made me tear up our stories are so unbelievably similar aren't they?

    This year is my first having to share DS1 (last year exDH just came to lunch with us, didn't know about the gf at the time ) and I've just started stressing about it in the past week. I'm already dreading Christmas this year - and every year - because of it.

    It's so unfair that we are forced to share our children, particularly when we've also been so wronged by our DH's. It's irrational I know, but I feel as though I'm being 'punished' for him having an affair. It should be HIM missing out, not me.

    To make it worse, it means part of the day I'll be alone while he still has his gf and new baby. I'm pretty sure he will be taking DS1 to the gf's family too since his own don't do anything...I wish I was allowed to prevent that, but alas I'm not.

    I'm trying to decide whether I would prefer DS1 with me in the morning, or afternoon/night. Any suggestions? We'll probably alternate each year and I'm thinking since he's only just turned 2, maybe I should let exDH have him Xmas eve/morning this year, so it means I get him next year when he'll be much more aware of Xmas??! It's my call to dictate terms so any advice would be appreciated.
    It's horrible hey??

    If your kids are anything like mine I'd choose to have them Christmas Eve and then first half of Christmas Day.

    I say this because my DS1 (in particular) goes to bed soooo excited for Santa to visit. They wake me up in the morning and we wish each other a merry Christmas then rush out to the tree together. The magic of Christmas in the morning is just so beautiful. We open our presents and they always truly get most excited at my place. We then go to two more places (my parents are divorced) so even by the time we get to my mum's at lunch they are still excited but a lot more encouragement to open presents is needed by me (particularly for DS2 who is 2 years old).

    They are a bit over it all and could quite happily nod off but then it's off to their dad's place. Santa visits there too ... But I could imagine it's not quite the same as the novelty of presents have probably started to wear off. (I do feel a little guilt over this - but not enough for me to offer a change).

    I also think I get the best part of their behaviour and attention. My exH gets kids who are tired, who've overindulged on Christmas buffets and treats & a little hypo from the stimulation of the day.

    That being said I'd quite happily have my boys aaallllllll day if the ex had an issue with their tanties

  2. #32
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    So do you think it's best to just have a set time you both have them? Or alternate each year?

    DS1 has only just turned 2 and doesn't quite understand Xmas yet. DS2 is only 8mths, so won't understand for another prob 2yrs. So this year at least it will just me being lonely with DS1 gone, not actually missing out on much excitement.

  3. #33
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    I'm not sure. I don't know any other way. To be honest it's just kind of continued this way because even when I was married we used to go to my dads for breakfast, my mums for lunch, his dads in the afternoon and his mums for dinner!!! Huge day!!!

    But with all of my siblings and their partners (and also exes) everyone has just kept the same as it's a system we've done now for over 10 years.

    My ex wouldn't have a hope of changing it ... Well unless he wanted to start negotiations with my family, their families, my step brothers and their wives families and the fathers of my sisters children.

    We are quite a 'broken' family as a whole. But we've worked out a way that suits everyone as long as no changes are made.

    I would never ever consider alternating personally. I just would not cope well emotionally. I'd be gate crashing his families Christmas if he ever tried My ex mil and I still get on wonderfully.

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    Pesca77  (08-11-2013)

  5. #34
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    Christmas is hard. Anyone would struggle in your situation. Mine is not dissimilar, and I am not particularly looking forward to the day...Last year I spent it by myself with the kids- first time in my life I've had no adult company on Xmas day- a situation made worse by the fact that I tried to get my family together and no-one could be bothered making the effort So it wasn't even my preference to have it that way, and it really came home to me that I had no-one who wanted to be with me on the one day of the year when virtually everyone celebrates. Like you, being on my own doesn't bother me at all the rest of the time, but there's something about Christmas...would it be possible for you to reverse the arrangements with your ex, so he could have them the night before and the morning, then you could do lunch or dinner and Christmas night with your boys? I did that last year and found that it helped, I was able to spend the morning getting prepared and then didn't have time to wallow for the rest of the day. I only really had time to reflect afterwards.

  6. #35
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    This is my first Christmas since the split. I'm going to their dad's for present opening, then he's taking them to his family (much more fun than my family who are all adults) and I'm driving to Brisbane to spend it with my family, I don't normally drink, but I think I might 'need' to.

  7. #36
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    Aww your posts have made me sad.

    I hope you all find joy on Christmas Day, it must be hard being away from your babies on Xmas

    Thank gosh my DD doesn't really see her father so she's always with me on Xmas (I'm thinking right about now that I'm incredibly lucky)

  8. #37
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    Oh that would really suck. Lots of hugs!!

    I'm really lucky that my X-husband knows how much birthdays and Christmas means to me and to my family. He never really was big on Christmas, that's how he grew up. So, our arrangement since DS was born that he spends a weekend day before Christmas with his Dad. I then also join the (x) inlaws for a Christmas get together on a seperate day. Then DS and I would stay with my parents Xmas eve until after New Year Eve.

    Last year was similar but we did the whole in laws Christmas the evening on the day x-H had our DS. That was because his Dad was only up for a few days as lives in VIC and his family is in Brisbane.
    This year it looks like his Dad isn't coming up in December at all, no job so can't afford it. If he did it would be a short weekend visit anyways.

    I think that DS will always be with me for Xmas and he'll have his Xmas with his father another weekend. Which suits me just fine



    Single mummy to a wonderful DS (Born 11/12/2008)


 

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