I always get that dreadful feeling in my tummy. I'm so much happier on my own - except on Christmas Day.
It's such a family orientated time and I loathe having to say goodbye to my boys at lunchtime.
December also marks the anniversary of my separation. I'll never forget the heartache I felt on my very first Christmas alone with DS1 & 7 months pregnant with DS2. Just 8 days earlier I'd kicked out their father after learning of his affair with my best friend.
The rest of the year I never give it a thought - but even three years on Christmas has just lost is shine :/
I hate that this once joyous time has become a big dark cloud of heartbreaking memories.
To make it worse my boys now also go to his GF's families place as well. It pains me that they get to be happy with my babies at a time when every year I'm left feeling like a shell of myself because of their actions. I have tears dripping down my face typing this.
Even the strong people have their kryptonite