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  1. #41
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    I wouldn't do it behind their back. But if I was asked to babysit and told to let them cry it would be a big fat no! Same with smacking, and crap food. I can't imagine anything else would bother me.

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    I've had a bit of a think and I really think the key is communication. I have never had an issue. My in laws took DS foy a drive whe we went to a wedding with no carseat and asked after the fact if it's ok and I said next time I'll remember to leave the carseat, apologies. I felt uncomfortable with it (it was late at night and I really didn't think they'd need to go out) but I do know there were no nasty intentions, and that was the 'done thing' back then. I think having really strict, hard and fast rules they MUST adhere to (such as never a treat EVER in their lifetime) isn't very easygoing but I also think completely ignoring the parent's wishes and doing whatever you please because you feel it's your place isn't exactly easygoing either. There has to be compromise and if one can't be met there's no stays yet. Like the other thread. I don't think it's a biggie.

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  4. #43
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    @Benji I said something similar but my post didn't post. I also think, though, that many first time parents are a bit uptight, and many grandparents are great big know it alls

    Lots of the time I imagine it's not the big issue people are worried it will be. I ran into a family friend of MIL's a few weeks ago, who looks after her grandson a fair bit. I was asking about his sleeping and she was a bit vague and said 'oh he goes down at seven on the dot'. Now this lady is an extremely opinionated woman and midwife who I am certain would be completely anti CC, but lo and behold, I find out from her son soon after that they are following TH. She bit her tongue about it so she could babysit! I have never in my life (and I've known her most of my life) known this woman to bite her tongue so I'm willing to bet that the vast majority of grandmothers bite their tongue and walk on eggshells quite a bit to make sure they stay in favour.

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    I'd follow my kids wishes as much as possible.

    If I was to be regularly looking after grandkids I'd make sure rules were discussed before it started so everyone was clear on what they are and aren't comfortable with. If it was irregular than I'd probably just follow what they wanted, except if it was something I'm completely against.



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    Oh yes, some new parents are very anxious prone. I think that's normal though, it's extremely overwhelming. I'm glad in a way I never have to go through that again. I remember seeing a meme type picture that said with the first child you panic about every blood nose by the third you're yelling at him to not drip it on the carpet lol.

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    If my child asked me to mind their kids I'd do it in a heartbeat. If it was a long term thing ie 1-3 days a week then I would be extremely unhappy if I was asked to look after the kids in a way that was against my beliefs.

    If it was a once off I'd do whatever they want. Cos it would mean that we aren't close and I'd be desperate to have contact with the kids.

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    My MIL says "what happens at grandmas stays at grandmas", she raised 5 perfectly healthy well adjusted men, so all power to her. I would never dictate what happens on her turf, just is she is never judgemental about any parenting choices I have. She (and FIL) have had DD for occasional overnighters since she was 7 weeks old and I've never, ever worried about her. Just lucky I s'pose.

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    Junk food or tv, yeah. CC or smacking, nope. It just goes against every fiber of my being. Call that being an unsupportive nanny if you will, but I couldn't do it. Hopefully my children, who have been raised in a more AP way won't do it. I know that sounds judgy but it's not meant to be. I'm pretty easy going and moderate on a lot of things but nope, I won't be allowing my grandchild to scream.

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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    I think some things you can maybe flex a bit more. But things go both ways. My aunty was once looking after her grandson and he wanted a yo-go or something like that and she said "yep, pack up your toys for nanny and then we will have a yo go". Seemed reasonable to me, but at this point his mother walked in and said "no, he doesn't have to pack up toys at home so he shouldn't be made to here" and then went to the fridge and got a (nanny supplied) yo go out and gave to him. It goes both ways.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SpecialPatrolGroup View Post
    I think some things you can maybe flex a bit more. But things go both ways. My aunty was once looking after her grandson and he wanted a yo-go or something like that and she said "yep, pack up your toys for nanny and then we will have a yo go". Seemed reasonable to me, but at this point his mother walked in and said "no, he doesn't have to pack up toys at home so he shouldn't be made to here" and then went to the fridge and got a (nanny supplied) yo go out and gave to him. It goes both ways.
    Oh my god. What a nightmare for poor Nanny! I wouldn't be able to bite my tongue in that situation!!


 
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