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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by itspink View Post
    Oh and also I wouldn't let my baby put someone elses toy in their mouth if I saw it.
    Again, that is your stuff, you are projecting your own issues onto your baby. Babies put EVERYTHING in their mouth, that is how they learn. Unless you are going to cart your own babies toys everywhere and keep your baby separate from other babies and their toys, cross spit sharing is going to happen.

    Wait until she is a toddler and they play musical water bottles.

  2. #52
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    Babies put things in their mouths as a way of exploring. Your baby will be the same no matter how clean your house is once your baby is on the move she will find something to put in her mouth. As for the photo thing no I don't think she should ask to take a photo of her grandchild a strangers baby yes but not her own flesh and blood, if it was your Mum would you expect her to ask permission?

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by itspink View Post
    Bubs is 3 months and yeah I have just wanted it to be our little family while we are still getting used to everything.

    I keep thinking things will be easier (in law wise) when baby gets a little older, maybe?
    I think your behaviour is very odd and not conducive to a healthy happy relationship between you and your dhs folks. It appears you have a doting nanna and extended family but you keep pushing them away for trivial matters.

    I hope you are extending this same displeasure of sharing your daughter to your mum and family.

    Or are you hoping by not allowing your daughter access to her paternal family as a baby that she grows apart from them thus preferring yours?



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  4. #54
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    I have struggled with the same issues OP. For the first few months I didn't want DH's parents or siblings holding DS, feeding him, settling him, etc. I don't even know really where these feelings came from!? Maybe because I too can be a bit of a control freak...I'm not sure. But I totally get where you're coming from.

    The way I have dealt with it, and made myself relax a bit is to recognise what are reasonable boundaries (eg. No one else feeds him, as he's had some feeding issues and it has to done a particular way or he gets upset, for hours!), and what was unreasonable (eg. Not wanting them to hold him).

    The big thing that made me relax a bit was putting myself in their shoes. I would hate to have a niece or nephew that I wasn't allowed to hold, or one day a grandchild that I felt like I was cut off from. That would break my heart.

    I hope you can find a comfortable middle ground. Your little one has an extended family who obviously adore her, so she is very lucky. Try not to let your own issues spoil that (said in the nicest and most understanding and genuine way)

    Best of luck x

  5. #55
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    I think you should have a long think about how your attitude is going to affect your baby & her relationship with her grandparents, aunty & cousin.

    Your mil spends lots of time with her other grandchild and is doing her best to spend time with your daughter as well, how would you feel if she wasn't interested at all?

    I actually can't see anything wrong with the behavior of your in-laws, but can see plenty of issues with your reactions...

  6. #56
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    OP, a psychologist could help you work through your anxiety and need to be in control. I didn't realize how anxious I would be when I had DD. Im not worried something will happen to her but parenting is so uncertain, random and unpredictable and you can't control every little thing, especially the actions of others. This makes me anxious and I don't think I quite realized it until I read your post.

    If sounds like you are aware that what is happening is not working so that's a start. Talk to DH about it but I wouldn't tell the in laws to back off because in my opinion that would be giving into your anxiety. It's okay to say that you want to settle your own baby and put some boundaries in place though

  7. #57
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    OP, I just wanted to say I understand how you feel, I'm an anxious person too. I think it's unfair that people are judging you unfairly.
    I think responders to your posts should try harder to understand that you're not doing this by choice, it's not like you're enjoying yourself here.

    Is there a gp or someone you can talk to? Even talk to your mil about it, it's okay to say "I'm worried about this...." she might understand how you're feeling.

    Could there be some toys that are easy to clean that you could bring out when there's baby visitors, then you can keep them separate from your baby's toys? Obviously the aim would be for you to be okay with them being your child's toys as well but that might take a bit of time for you to get used to, so you could do this is the meantime?

  8. #58
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    I understand OP. I don't have interfering in laws but I'd be like you if I did. We are very private people and with DD I wanted things just so.
    I think what others have said is a good idea. If you know she's coming take that time to catch up on things. Maybe she can take her for a walk and you can sleep.
    The thing that would stress me would be trying to get the house tidy every week!

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