+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 6 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 58
  1. #21
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    711
    Thanks
    440
    Thanked
    318
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I so often think that it doesn't matter what in laws do, they are ALWAYS in the wrong

    You can't expect your relationship with the in laws to be anything like that with your own. But you married in to the family, I think you are obligated to accommodate your DHs family unless there is significant reason not to.

    Your second post highlights to me a lack of openness and communication. OP, just talk to MIL, let her know you struggle with releasing control etc. It might help MIL understand where you are coming from and you may be at to find a better way to work together.

    I say this because I'm on the in laws side where we just get blocked out. My Mum in particular. And you know what, we just love the kiddies, they are a big deal to grandparents and Aunties and Uncles - they want to experience the joy too. So being blocked out for no real reason other than someone not being bothered to put effort into the relationship is unfair.

    If I ever have difficulties with my in laws, I vow to talk it out. It's the least I can do. And trust me, my in laws make me feel uncomfortable too and I know I'm going to feel a lot of pressure for everything to be perfect (for them) once baby arrives. But we are all human, it's ok to let them see that.

    Good luck!

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to JungleMum For This Useful Post:

    Gandalf  (29-10-2013)

  3. #22
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    12
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by BbBbBh View Post
    I felt exhausted just reading this. I mean this in the most respectful way- have you thought about going to talk to someone about these feelings and the need to be 'carefree'? You do not have to accept this as 'your personality'. You and your child may miss out on some awesome life experiences if you are limited by your feelings.
    Yea I have thought about going to talk to someone about this but what are they going to tell me that I don't already know I need to do?

  4. #23
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    6,024
    Thanks
    5,460
    Thanked
    4,398
    Reviews
    20
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by itspink View Post
    Thats the thing he never would be as he is so relaxed. I have thought about this. Thats why I am really trying to somehow get over how I feel but I don't know how?! Thats why I am venting here to get it off my chest and not to upset anyone in DH's family.
    I think you just need to welcome their involvement. Fake it at first, I'm sure the feelings will eventually become real as you get more comfortable with them.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to atomicmama For This Useful Post:

    Mummy Potato  (29-10-2013)

  6. #24
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    12
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by JungleMum View Post
    I so often think that it doesn't matter what in laws do, they are ALWAYS in the wrong

    You can't expect your relationship with the in laws to be anything like that with your own. But you married in to the family, I think you are obligated to accommodate your DHs family unless there is significant reason not to.

    Your second post highlights to me a lack of openness and communication. OP, just talk to MIL, let her know you struggle with releasing control etc. It might help MIL understand where you are coming from and you may be at to find a better way to work together.

    I say this because I'm on the in laws side where we just get blocked out. My Mum in particular. And you know what, we just love the kiddies, they are a big deal to grandparents and Aunties and Uncles - they want to experience the joy too. So being blocked out for no real reason other than someone not being bothered to put effort into the relationship is unfair.

    If I ever have difficulties with my in laws, I vow to talk it out. It's the least I can do. And trust me, my in laws make me feel uncomfortable too and I know I'm going to feel a lot of pressure for everything to be perfect (for them) once baby arrives. But we are all human, it's ok to let them see that.

    Good luck!
    THANK YOU! Yes this is exactly me, I just have to work up the courage to explain my feelings.

  7. #25
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    665
    Thanks
    624
    Thanked
    265
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I think pp have said the same but when i had my dd my in laws also started coming around a lot. Initially it was unannounced but dh put a stop to that. Mil got quite upset but that was our rule so she just got used to it. I just learnt to appreciate their visits as a way to get some washing etc done. After an initial chat I would make them a coffee and leave them to have time with dd. in the early days they always used to come right before she was due for a nap - even tho we always told then what time she would wake up they would wait til she had been awake for hour & half before coming over. I would still put dd to bed coz I wasn't going to make her tired & upset when they were given the opportunity to visit when she was awake!

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  8. #26
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,869
    Thanks
    879
    Thanked
    1,201
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by itspink View Post
    Yea I have thought about going to talk to someone about this but what are they going to tell me that I don't already know I need to do?
    You are the expert on your own feelings and experiences. A psychologist (or other therapist) will give you new skills to manage these feelings, they will help you gain another perspective and they might help with mindfulness and reducing your anxiety levels. Being able to let things 'wash over you' rather than taking them and internalising is very freeing. When I need my car fixed I seek out a mechanic. I know there is something wrong with it but my skills are limited to pumping up the tyres and sticking petrol in. If neither of these skills fix my car and I want my car to run better then the mechanic will do the trick. Not that different to getting new skills from a psychologist.

  9. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to BbBbBh For This Useful Post:

    Gandalf  (29-10-2013),GrabbyCrabby  (29-10-2013),TableDancer  (29-10-2013),twotrunks  (29-10-2013)

  10. #27
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    9
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    4
    Reviews
    0
    Hi there, I can imagine how you feel - I have a similar situation... my MIL openly hated me in the past, but now is gushingly nice and obsessed with being a grandmother... To make it worse, she lives overseas so DH is either constantly skyping her or she's staying with us (for a month at the moment)!

    BUT... as much as I don't like her, she makes DH and DS very happy. So I don't want to come between them, and I don't want to ruin a month of practical support (cooking and entertaining DS).

    DH and I have always dealt with the MIL issue by discussing a tactical plan for 'managing' her. The most important thing is to be on the same page and support each other.

    TBH once a week visiting is pretty manageable though - I think u either need to manage your own stress by speaking up when they're doing something wrong, or have an adult conversation with them about what would be a good arrangement.

    Parenthood involves about a million compromises and I reckon that with a few small shifts you could turn this into a positive situation - without having to really like them!

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to TeamKaash For This Useful Post:

    GrabbyCrabby  (29-10-2013)

  12. #28
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    7,053
    Thanks
    6,263
    Thanked
    5,481
    Reviews
    4
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a weekBusiest Member of the Week - Most posts for the week ending 5/6/2014
    Quote Originally Posted by redlipsandpearls View Post
    I think you're being too harsh. They are your DH's parents and, unless they've actually done something wrong, they have just as much right/reason to be involved in your child's life as your parents.

    As for the partner, you could call him Poppy 'name'. If he's going to be around in the future, a relationship with him would be great. I have a step grandfather and some of my fondest childhood memories are with him. He didn't have an obligation like bio grandparents to be involved in our lives, but he chose to which is really great. Children can never have too many loving family members aroubd them.

    I agree woth this re: the name. Honestly I really dont get the "step" part wgen it comes to grandparents. My parents are divorced and they have repartnered and I would never in a million years dream of excluding them from being called a grandparent. I dont call my step mum or step dad mum or dad but that doesnt mean my kids cant call them grandma and pa, they are his grandparents, there is so much mpre to family than blood relatives.

    I agree with a PP. You need to suck it up and fake it til you make it. They sound like they really want to be an active part in your childs life, which is lovely and your child deserves that.
    Sent from my GT-I9305T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  13. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to peanutmonkey For This Useful Post:

    atomicmama  (29-10-2013),Gandalf  (29-10-2013),Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (29-10-2013)

  14. #29
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    2,226
    Thanks
    3,790
    Thanked
    2,210
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Just a point of view from the child's side.

    I had an absolutely beautiful relationship with my fathers father till the day he died.

    Even now, where he has been passed over 10 years when I want to think of something nice I think of him, I was able to spend a lot of time with him growing up and he treasured me he really did.

    You can never ever have enough people in your life that love and treasure you. It's a wonderful gift to your child.

    I completely would nourish the grandparents in your child's life as much as possible.

    I love you Pop and miss you everyday and always will.

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to Mokeybear For This Useful Post:

    atomicmama  (29-10-2013)

  16. #30
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    12
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0
    I do want the IL's in my child's life but just right now while everything is still new and we are still getting into a routine I just want them to back off a bit.

  17. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to itspink For This Useful Post:

    Cicho  (29-10-2013),VicPark  (29-10-2013)


 

Similar Threads

  1. In laws.....
    By FruitBowl in forum Family & Friends
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 02-04-2013, 08:26
  2. Did you tell the in-laws?
    By someonesomewhere in forum Conception & Fertility General Chat
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 20-02-2013, 13:14
  3. what's with my in-laws?
    By Little Miss Muffet in forum Family & Friends
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 11-02-2013, 21:45

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Riverton Leisureplex
An Extreme Family Pass at Riverton Leisureplex is the ultimate way to cool off during the summer school holidays. The $30 Pass allows pool and waterslide access for 2 adults and 2 children, as well as a drink, popcorn and an icy pole for each person.
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
Mini Maestros
Nurturing Confident Learners. Mini Maestros offers music classes for children 6 months to 5 years of age. It is the longest running and most successful Australian business of its kind.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!