I so often think that it doesn't matter what in laws do, they are ALWAYS in the wrong
You can't expect your relationship with the in laws to be anything like that with your own. But you married in to the family, I think you are obligated to accommodate your DHs family unless there is significant reason not to.
Your second post highlights to me a lack of openness and communication. OP, just talk to MIL, let her know you struggle with releasing control etc. It might help MIL understand where you are coming from and you may be at to find a better way to work together.
I say this because I'm on the in laws side where we just get blocked out. My Mum in particular. And you know what, we just love the kiddies, they are a big deal to grandparents and Aunties and Uncles - they want to experience the joy too. So being blocked out for no real reason other than someone not being bothered to put effort into the relationship is unfair.
If I ever have difficulties with my in laws, I vow to talk it out. It's the least I can do. And trust me, my in laws make me feel uncomfortable too and I know I'm going to feel a lot of pressure for everything to be perfect (for them) once baby arrives. But we are all human, it's ok to let them see that.