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  1. #11
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    Dont get me wrong Im not an inlaw fan, however...Once a week, assuming they only stay for a few hours, doesn't sound too bad? -or is there a more specific reason why your inlaws are unbearable?

    I agree with pp: they probably already cared to some degree, a bubba coming just spurred them to pull their finger out.

    I can see how your FIL visiting every day in the hospital would have been a pain if you were breastfeeding, however it was up to you and hubby to set the boundaries there.

    It seems like a bit of an over reaction OP: are there other underlying issues causing your stress? Do you need more of a hand around the house (from hubby etc) new bubs can be overwhelming.

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  3. #12
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    I agree with vicpark, fitchick and some of the other PP. You have family that wants to come and spend time with you /your baby. You have guaranteed shower time/wash hair time/poop in peace time.

    My dad who I'm not close to and was a distant father is the most devoted grandfather. He comes weekly for 2-3hrs at whatever time suits me. Usually I pick a morning that I have loads of housework to do and he reads/plays with the kids. He isn't comfortable me leaving them with him (going out or overnight) but happy to 'mind' them whilst I get on with my jobs.

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  5. #13
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    As someone who has In Laws and even my own family who most of the time couldn't care less about my kids, I think you're incredibly lucky. I would give anything for them to want to have a proper relationship with my kids.

    One day you might look back and wish you nurtured that relationship. Grandparents can be so important in a childs life.

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  7. #14
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    Many ILs tend to take the back seat because a daughter/mother bond is usually quite strong. It's probably taking them a lot of courage to initiate visiting and they may see their grandchild as a more accepting (in your eyes) reason to ask to visit.

    I think the fact that they have actually asked that they can visit weekly is really nice. They've given you a chance to say 'yeah this day/time suits best' or even 'you can come more often if you like'. They've essentially left the ball in your court which shows they are understanding of your privacy.

    It would be frustrating thay they didn't visit before, but put that behind you and use this as an opportunity for you and your child to build a great relationship with them.

    They aren't turning up every single day and they certainly aren't being as$es that couldn't care less about making an effort. Good on them

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  9. #15
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    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    I think them visiting more often once their grandchild is born is absolutely normal. And once a week seems really reasonable. It sounds as though you just don't like you in-law's. That's ok, you don't have to like them, but how does your husband feel about excluding them? Does he enjoy having them around, is he a proud dad that wants to share the joy of his baby with his family, just as I am sure you share the joy with yours?

    I think they sound like very loving grandparents. My in-laws live interstate and don't even bother to call for my children's birthdays. That breaks my heart because the way I see it, the more family that are stable and around in my children's lives who love and care for them, the happier they will be

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    Its not that I HATE them, it's just they annoy me.
    I'll be honest, I think its my personality. I prefer to do everything myself, I'm a perfectionist and maybe even a bit of a control freak?!
    When I see my MIL trying to settle my baby I can't stand it. It's just that she has no idea about me or what I am like/interested in/how I feel.
    I only want help from my own family (my Mum and Dad) and if I do need help thats who I turn to.
    I know there is always lots to do with a new baby but I do it and DH does help out alot, I dont want help from MIL. It's just worse because she doesn't have a job so is always bored.
    I know some of you say it would be great to have her around to help out but honestly having her here makes it worse for me and makes me feel more uncomfortable and is more of a hinderence than a help, I feel like I have to pretend to be someone else (again just me and I can't help feeling this way, I wish I could).

    Also DH's sister has had a baby recently too and cause MIL is SO involved with her I think she expects the same from me but I am not her daughter.

    MIL is also very blazè and some of the things that she says upsets me like in the hospital she kept saying how much baby looked like my DH and she said "I know you dont want to hear it"... Well don't say it at all then! Then she said "baby has got your chubby cheeks". Just things you don't want to hear at that time. Also her partner she has just said that he will be called Poppy... My parents are Nanna and Pop and as far as I'm concerned her partner will just be called by his first name, my DH doesn't call him Dad. Again I don't have anything to do with him and dont want my baby calling him Poppy when my own father is Pop. This was decided when my SIL had her baby because her own Dad is Grandad

    I have always spent a lot of time with my family even before my baby came along but now I feel guilty like I'm not meant to because the IL's arent getting to see baby enough.

    Maybe once baby is a bit older it will be easier.
    It's just my personality I wish I was more care free and relaxed but I'm not and cause they are so care free they think everyone else is the same. They just don't know me at all and how I like things done and I feel i'd be coming across rude if I tried to tell them whereas with my family they know what I am like and they're my family who I am much more comfortable with obviously.

  11. #17
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    I think you're being too harsh. They are your DH's parents and, unless they've actually done something wrong, they have just as much right/reason to be involved in your child's life as your parents.

    As for the partner, you could call him Poppy 'name'. If he's going to be around in the future, a relationship with him would be great. I have a step grandfather and some of my fondest childhood memories are with him. He didn't have an obligation like bio grandparents to be involved in our lives, but he chose to which is really great. Children can never have too many loving family members aroubd them.

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    OP, take a step back and imagine the roles reversed. What if dh was like this towards your parents?

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    Quote Originally Posted by redlipsandpearls View Post
    OP, take a step back and imagine the roles reversed. What if dh was like this towards your parents?
    Thats the thing he never would be as he is so relaxed. I have thought about this. Thats why I am really trying to somehow get over how I feel but I don't know how?! Thats why I am venting here to get it off my chest and not to upset anyone in DH's family.

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    Quote Originally Posted by itspink View Post
    Its not that I HATE them, it's just they annoy me.
    I'll be honest, I think its my personality. I prefer to do everything myself, I'm a perfectionist and maybe even a bit of a control freak?!
    When I see my MIL trying to settle my baby I can't stand it. It's just that she has no idea about me or what I am like/interested in/how I feel.
    I only want help from my own family (my Mum and Dad) and if I do need help thats who I turn to.
    I know there is always lots to do with a new baby but I do it and DH does help out alot, I dont want help from MIL. It's just worse because she doesn't have a job so is always bored.
    I know some of you say it would be great to have her around to help out but honestly having her here makes it worse for me and makes me feel more uncomfortable and is more of a hinderence than a help, I feel like I have to pretend to be someone else (again just me and I can't help feeling this way, I wish I could).
    .
    I felt exhausted just reading this. I mean this in the most respectful way- have you thought about going to talk to someone about these feelings and the need to be 'carefree'? You do not have to accept this as 'your personality'. You and your child may miss out on some awesome life experiences if you are limited by your feelings.


 

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