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  1. #31
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    Neither... The minute I think about the little annoying things about living with an adult male again, I get all twitchy. Is there a third option? Mr toy boy, looks gorgeous, has all the moved, a nice smile, but no strings attached?

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    Stiflers Mom  (28-10-2013)

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    Option c, yourself and your child. Don't worry about a man in your life especially after you have just left your husband

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    Ellewood  (28-10-2013)

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    Quote Originally Posted by FITCHICK View Post
    What if I loose them both?
    Then you'll KNOW it was the right decision

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  7. #34
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    Upon further thought... I know you say that exH (option A) is making a huge effort... but is your heart really in it? Do you picture yourself truly in love and happy with him for the rest of your days? Because if you do, if things really were going to work out with him, if he's truly going to change... you wouldn't even be considering option B. If you feel the need to deliberate on which one to choose, even though logistically option A is an easy choice.... then IMO option A is definitely not for you, and neither is option B. JMO.

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    I am divorced, and I'd say to you that there really are more then two options in the world.

    If I was you I would insist on counselling with your husband. Lay it all out- don't hold back and tell him you will only consider a relationship with him if he shows insight and empathy, starts to learn to balance family and career a bit more and makes real sustained change.

    If he does not do what he should be in terms of meeting your needs, then move on.

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    gizmoduckus  (30-10-2013),made2bAmummy  (28-10-2013),Mod-Myztik  (28-10-2013)

  10. #36
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    Choose YOU! Then get to know yourself again for for awhile. Once you do you will know what your looking for in a man. Dont jump straight out of the frying pan into the arms of another man. I know your lonely but thats a sympton imo of not knowing yourself and needing someone to fill that gap for you isnt heathly. You need to be happy with yourself before someone else can truly make you happy. It has only been a few weeks since you separated from dh although it may feel like a lifetime due to the disconnection you had within the relationship. By all means see these men socially and chat all that but I wouldnt be starting anything so to speak.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Atropos  (28-10-2013)

  12. #37
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    For me, I think the first choice should always be to try and make your marriage work if there are children involved (obviously if there is a glimmer of potential there and no abusive situation). If DH and I do end up splitting, I know I'll be able to say to my DS that we tried absolutely everything. But that's just me.

    I also know that I'm very codependent, and if I were newly single and some guy came in all guns blazing like that saying those Hollywood romantic things that we always like to hear, I would likely jump in without thinking too much about it, but...'unstable' and 'free spirit' = short term fun, long term heartache in my books.

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    I think honestly...now Isn't the right time to be choosing between men. You are in a vulnerable place and in new territory by being a single mum. The best thing to do would be to take a step back and think about it without all the raw emotions hanging around from the seperation. As others have said if they do love you they will wait. Good luck

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    I think you need to take time to adjust to your own space. Get to know what you want in a relationship, and then find someone to match your needs. It would be better to clear about what you think is important rather than going, mr a or mr b. If either one of these two was really suited to you 100%, you would not be asking for our opinions on an internet forum. best wishes, Marie.

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    Hey Fitchick, if I recall correctly one of the reasons you split from your ExH was because he did not respect or support your spirituality, but you still loved him? If he IS making an effort now I would like a pp stated insist on counseling with him, use it as an opportunity to really be who you truly are and try to make things work under totally new terms, together.
    My Dh and I are working at this exact issue. It's bloody hard work. It would have been easier to leave. But I had to know for myself that I had put in 100% and given it my all, from the heart, no more "trying to be who I think he wants me to be" but just being myself. This way if we don't work out I can be completely at peace with no regrets.


 

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