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  1. #51
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    Okay..
    I say this with love..
    He is being a complete moron. I have nothing productive to say aside from the advice that others have given you.
    I'm really not understanding why his bio child is more of a priority than your other children. Interesting that if you choose to treat your DSD as "less" than your own, it would be a deal breaker for him. It's great that he loves his daughter but your other children deserve just as much. I just don't understand where his head is at with regard to the new baby.
    Unfortunately, you weren't around during hour DSDs conception or infancy and she isn't your child - if she were then she would have been raised the same. All of these choices that he and is ex made with regard to their parenting many years ago were simply not your choice and to put it bluntly, not your problem. He needs to be more adaptable and in turn you'll ensure he is included with this new baby. Should he not change his attitude it'll likely be a case of split family again and just IMO, it will be his fault.

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  3. #52
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    I think your DH has lost the plot, hon. These requests are odd and unreasonable and just weird. If he won't let you room in with your newborn, what will you do? What has your decision to bf got to do with what his ex did? I know you've asked yourself these questions too. I think you need to lay down the law. If he doesn't like it, he can leave. Make sure you have a support person nearby and just tell him. He is being ridiculous and if he can't see that he needs professional help. These demands he is making, the double standards he's putting on you- this is emotional abuse. Tell it to him plainly- "your demands and rules are not reasonable, they are abusive. You need to get some help to deal with these issues or I need you to leave, for the safety and well being of our baby and for myself as I do not wish to be abused any longer". You can also speak to your local police about getting him removed if it's possible. Alternatively, you can leave if you have somewhere to go. Either way, you can't bring a new baby into this. I'm sorry to be blunt but from what you've said, he's not a well man and I can see things escalating.
    I hope you can get him some help ASAP xx

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  5. #53
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    Just want to clarify I ignore all his bs
    My son will be breastfed regardless of the fact that DSD was not, medical choices will be different than those made for DSD, my son will be comforted by me at all times when he cries & I've willingly given DH our room all to his miserable self & will be sleeping in with my little man.
    Ive been very upfront with my midwife about my situation & they have assured me that at all times bub will stay with me & I will be the one to sign off on anything & everything. As I'm having an elective csection due to medical reasons they are trying very much to improve a couple of things for me medically so as to aid my recovery & not leave me vulnerable if that makes sense

    Truth is he is a very angry man & unable to be reasoned with at all. His persona in public doesn't fully show the truth of what he's like behind closed doors, as such I really only have 1 friend I fully trust to be supportive but she's wonderful.

    I never ever in a million years imagined I'd have this scenario as my life, I'm a very strong person so I honestly doubt my judgement that I'm in this situation. Especially with someone I have known since I was a child & thought I knew better than anyone else in my life

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  7. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    Just want to clarify I ignore all his bs
    My son will be breastfed regardless of the fact that DSD was not, medical choices will be different than those made for DSD, my son will be comforted by me at all times when he cries & I've willingly given DH our room all to his miserable self & will be sleeping in with my little man.
    Ive been very upfront with my midwife about my situation & they have assured me that at all times bub will stay with me & I will be the one to sign off on anything & everything. As I'm having an elective csection due to medical reasons they are trying very much to improve a couple of things for me medically so as to aid my recovery & not leave me vulnerable if that makes sense

    Truth is he is a very angry man & unable to be reasoned with at all. His persona in public doesn't fully show the truth of what he's like behind closed doors, as such I really only have 1 friend I fully trust to be supportive but she's wonderful.

    I never ever in a million years imagined I'd have this scenario as my life, I'm a very strong person so I honestly doubt my judgement that I'm in this situation. Especially with someone I have known since I was a child & thought I knew better than anyone else in my life
    You sound like a pretty amazing woman and Mum to me. I know you'll do the right thing by your little man and your other kids. Good luck over the next few months. Sounds like it could be a stressful time.

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  9. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by GirlsRock View Post
    You sound like a pretty amazing woman and Mum to me. I know you'll do the right thing by your little man and your other kids. Good luck over the next few months. Sounds like it could be a stressful time.

    I second this. Your seem like such a strong person. I'm sending lots of hugs your way and hope everything goes smoothly an works out for you and your family. Also hoping your dh come around and it was just stress causing him to a th way.
    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  11. #56
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    I'd be leaving right now if I was you. Can you stay with your supportive friend?

    "...dreaming of a belly full of life..."

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  13. #57
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    I say this because of your comment about him being "a very angry man" who "can't be reasoned with". I'd be scared he'd hurt the baby (maybe not intentionally but if he gets into an uncontrollable rage). The fact that you are worried about being vulnerable after your c-section raises serious alarm bells with me.

    "...dreaming of a belly full of life..."

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  15. #58
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    I was just thinking about you yesterday! From where I sit it seems to me that you know in your heart what you're going to do. I'm glad you have prepared things for yourself, and that you have some support you can call on. The first year of my baby's life was marred by all sorts of parenting disagreements, and it can make things really, really tough.

    You sound like you are strong, and decisive, and I am confident your baby will be lucky to have you in his corner. Good luck with it all, and let is know when he's joined the world!

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  17. #59
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    I have actually told DH he won't be left alone with the baby as he has told me he didn't cope with DSD as a baby. But I feel like it's a catch 22 as if/when I leave he will get access without me so I'll still be worried about bub.

    Ive spent all afternoon crying today as DSD very vocally complained to me about the baby taking over her room, it's not fair & he should sleep somewhere else ie the older kids rooms (11 & 16) I told her no as I think it makes more sense for him to share with the sibling who is here the least. She also very pointedly pulled me up on the baby calling her dad his daddy, she said no I think you mean "DH name not daddy" I said no he will call him dad/daddy, she again said no & that's my dad not his? I asked her "who do you think is his dad then?" She pretty much was don't know, don't care. I think at 8 she's well aware, it's not exactly been a secret???
    The attitude towards the baby from her is new usually she's been non interested.

    I think she's picking up on more than I thought to be honest. Sibling rivalry is a new thing to me as I never had any of these dramas with regard to my older 3.

    i have 3 more weeks at work & I think I may then take my kids for a week to getaway & have some time out to clear my head.

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    Just want to tell you that I'm so sorry for you that you are going through this and I'm sure its not what you were hoping/expecting to be dealing with so close to your babies birth. I really hope it works out. Treat yourself gently and take care x

    Sent from my GT-S7275T using The Bub Hub mobile app

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