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  1. #31
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    I'm sorry he is being a d!ck. You shouldn't have to be treated like that. Fingers crossed he pulls his head out soon. No advice but either way you're going to an awesome mum to that little bub

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  3. #32
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    I think he is scared. And his ideas and attitude will most likely change when he meets his baby & feels that love just as strongly as with his firstborn.

    Babies in utero are very abstract concepts for a lot of men and he is approaching the situation analytically rather than emotionally because he doesn't love your unborn baby yet.

    I can understand where he is coming from to an extent, eg to keep things fair and balanced between the siblings you might choose not to send your bub to private school if DSD goes public, etc... Is that the kind of thing he means?

  4. #33
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    I can understand where he is coming from to an extent, eg to keep things fair and balanced between the siblings you might choose not to send your bub to private school if DSD goes public, etc... Is that the kind of thing he means?[/QUOTE]


    Yes exactly this kind of thing, however my older kids have only ever had a private education & until now he's been ok with any new kids also being privately educated.

    He's also decided that a baby shouldn't sleep in our room & he doesn't want it sleeping in DSD room either as it will disturb her. Not sure where else to put it. I don't expect my 2 older kids to share as they primarily live with us yet DSD is only here 2/14 nights.

    I'll have a lot of spare space soon that's for bloody sure.

  5. #34
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    He honestly just sounds like he is feeling massive amounts of guilt because of the situation with his first born, which is understandable. I'm not condoning the ultimatums he's given, as I think they're a bit drastic, but I think I can see where he's coming from.

    My DP sees my 24 month old DD more than he sees his own kids, but he still treats her pretty much as though she's his own (she is pretty cute, it's hard not to like such a beautiful little soul ). He has said he feels a bit guilty that he sees her more than his own kids, but he can't very well just sit there and not give attention to this innocent little girl who thinks he gets up early to get the sun up for us each morning.

    I think things will become very different for your DH once the baby is born. He probably just needs time to bond with it, which could take time, might not even happen until well after the birth.

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    Ive never done ivf, but my understanding is it takes a massive commitment from both parties to undertake this process thats so often mixed with high and lows and tension and triumphs.

    What shocks me is hes been through all this with you and now your utd its an issue? Just sounds like something else is going on to me. Like someones in his ear to be frank. Does this new bub effect his child support and things like that?

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  8. #36
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    What shocks me is hes been through all this with you and now your utd its an issue? Just sounds like something else is going on to me. Like someones in his ear to be frank. Does this new bub effect his child support and things like that?

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app[/QUOTE]


    New bub will affect child support by $10 a week if that.

    Ivf is a massive commitment so yes it's definetly odd, but if I'm honest he never seemed too involved in the process, was there for his bit & that's it. I went to all my appointments etc on my own.

    As for someone being in his ear no one knows about the baby yet! So I'm thinking if he's behaving like this atm god help me once people know & they do get in his ear.

  9. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    What shocks me is hes been through all this with you and now your utd its an issue? Just sounds like something else is going on to me. Like someones in his ear to be frank. Does this new bub effect his child support and things like that?

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

    New bub will affect child support by $10 a week if that.

    Ivf is a massive commitment so yes it's definetly odd, but if I'm honest he never seemed too involved in the process, was there for his bit & that's it. I went to all my appointments etc on my own.

    As for someone being in his ear no one knows about the baby yet! So I'm thinking if he's behaving like this atm god help me once people know & they do get in his ear.[/QUOTE]

    In that case then, Id say hes being a complete tool. Sorry babe. On reflection if your looking back and seeing all these things now clearly like his lack of support and so on I think you need to follow your instincts. The fact is this baby could really cement a beautiful relationship for him and his dd, not saying they dont have one already but ive seen 1st hand the joy of introducing a sibling to a blended family. Most little girls I know are complete mother hens and cherish the expirience. Hugs to you op. Congrats on your pregnancy please enjoy your little miracle despite everything going on x

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  11. #38
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    How's it going OP?

  12. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by grumpybump View Post
    How's it going OP?
    Crap, I'm looking at my options to move out & move on.

    He swears he gets it & he can change.
    I doubt that very much and I think it will be much harder to wait & see how he is when bub is here & leave then if it's no different.

  13. #40
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    Okay, so I'm only recently separated & haven't read all replies, so go easy on me

    He is with you & having a baby with you for a reason, I am sure he loves you & will love this baby very much. My xdh was not interested in dd till the day she was born then he couldn't take his eyes off her.

    Secondly I can understand the 'first born takes first priority' just not so sure of the way he did/didn't go about saying this. I can understand the concept of the first born being cared for first as the second born was conceived with the knowledge of having the first born already? If that makes sense. I don't think he will LOVE either child more then the other just differently.

    He will probably miss his first child & want to spoil them rotten when he does see them. He will probably be a fantastic hands on dad with your second bub because he is missing out on that with his first.

    I think the most important thing would be that he explains to both kids he lives them equally, I can see sibling jealousy otherwise.

    Lastly.. Pregnancy hormones.. And I mean that in the nicest possibly way. It's normal to be questioning everything & freaking out a little bit about the future with the pending arrival of a new bub.

    Some family counselling may do you both good (I think it's a good idea for any blended family to work out how everyone fits in) sending you & your bub lots of love x

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