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  1. #21
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    He's probably scared - maybe he never really thought you'd get pregnant? Also, is there any chance his ex has said anything to him like "if you have another child I won't let you see DD?". Neither of these would be valid excuses for his behaviour, I'm just trying to think of a reason for him being such a d¡¢k. Whatever happens, I'm sure your bub will be lucky to have a mum who loves him/her.

    "...dreaming of a belly full of life"

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    Rutabaga  (04-08-2014)

  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Funchu View Post
    He's probably scared - maybe he never really thought you'd get pregnant? Also, is there any chance his ex has said anything to him like "if you have another child I won't let you see DD?". Neither of these would be valid excuses for his behaviour, I'm just trying to think of a reason for him being such a d¡¢k. Whatever happens, I'm sure your bub will be lucky to have a mum who loves him/her.

    "...dreaming of a belly full of life"
    If he's concerned about that he's an idiot as we have court orders we spent thousands chasing after.

    He does say he's worried if he doesn't keep her happy she'll up n move away again. I certainly haven't been aware he's been keeping her happy???

    If these are his concerns as far as I'm concerned a) he needs to collect his balls from wherever they are & b) I never signed on for living under those kind of threats so sure as hell won't be.

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    BettyW  (29-10-2013)

  5. #23
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    I can't imagine how you're feeling, he sounds like a controlling jerk and my gut reaction to reading what he's said is say "boot him out - he doesn't deserve to have a child in his life if that's how he feels".

    Though if this is all very sudden change in an otherwise good marriage maybe counselling is a good idea to try to sort out what is going on? I can understand he might be confused and conflicted but still not an excuse!

    Otherwise - Good luck and congratulations!

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    ourbradybunch  (27-10-2013)

  7. #24
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    It sounds like something is going on with his daughter and he is worried. Is it possible the daughter or ex have been complaining about you?
    CounsellIng and a good lawyer (to prevent any dodgy moves from his ex) may help.

    In the meantime it is not ok for him to treat you like that. Keep your standards high and let him know you that you won't be treated like poo.

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    Rutabaga  (04-08-2014)

  9. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    It sounds like something is going on with his daughter and he is worried. Is it possible the daughter or ex have been complaining about you?
    CounsellIng and a good lawyer (to prevent any dodgy moves from his ex) may help.

    In the meantime it is not ok for him to treat you like that. Keep your standards high and let him know you that you won't be treated like poo.
    The ex always complains about me but DSD & I are very close. Couldn't love her more if she was my bio child.

    It's very easy for me to think the ex has been in his ear but if so he's holding up the other end of that conversation if that makes sense? I am starting to think he tells different people different things & now it will crash n burn on him. Especially in relation to a new bub, I've known him to do this in relation to other things.

  10. #26
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    Do you think maybe part of this has to do with asserting some authority over the raising of this baby, given that he failed to do that with his first? I don't know, I am just throwing out more ideas.

    Sorry he is being a douche you certainly don't need this, and it is incredibly unfair of him to spring on you. Counseling is a good idea, I think.

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    ourbradybunch  (27-10-2013)

  12. #27
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    Does he normally try and control you, or axt like this?
    If not, I think it's probably a temporary thing. Your life is going to change considerably and he might be nervous about that. Do you know why and when he split with his ex? Does he think the same will happen and is protecting himself?
    It's hard going through IVF and when it finally works you expect life to be fantastic, but the reality is often a lot tougher.
    I'd think about counselling. However, if he is generally controlling I'd think about getting out, as having a baby is a very stressful experience and you will need to work together.
    I hope that it all works out

  13. #28
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    I don't know if I'd say he's been controlling but I've definetly let things just be without saying anything back if that makes sense.

    What I've been told is that they'd had a very volatile on/off relationship. Apparently they should never have brought a child into the mix - annoys me when people have said that. They split over 6?yrs ago & we've been together for 5.

    She just upped & left and yrs later he found out from a number of sources that she'd been having an affair.

    I really think that anything to do with their relationship as a couple shouldn't be an issue at all. Our relationship moved at his pace not mine if that makes sense? Moved in after a year, engaged a year later, married 2 yrs later, and now pregnant a yr after that.

    I guess I can't keep looking for reasons why or make excuses for him anymore
    I guess it's just scary and sad to finally have a longed for bub on the way & I'll be on my own doing it.

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    I don't quite understand what he means by "keeping her happy". I guess to an extent I have to keep my son's father happy for the sake of keeping the peace for the DS's benefit but he is being pretty vague and cryptic here - keep her happy in regards to what exactly? The new baby has nothing to do with her. I wonder if he has had a conversation with her and she is worried that his relationship with DSD will be affected but sheesh the baby isn't even here yet.

  15. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I don't quite understand what he means by "keeping her happy". I guess to an extent I have to keep my son's father happy for the sake of keeping the peace for the DS's benefit but he is being pretty vague and cryptic here - keep her happy in regards to what exactly? The new baby has nothing to do with her. I wonder if he has had a conversation with her and she is worried that his relationship with DSD will be affected but sheesh the baby isn't even here yet.
    I have no idea but I certainly would like to know as he tells me that her opinion doesn't matter in regard to anything to do with our house, now apparently it does. I mean if by keeping her happy that includes never having anymore children that's messed up especially considering what we've been thru to get pregnant.

    The ex & our kids don't even know about the baby yet?

    When I push him he just says if he doesn't keep her happy she'll move away with DSD again. At this stage he's seemingly happy to walk away from a new baby in order to keep the peace with his ex. Seems pretty messed up to me. And no matter that we have court orders & she can't move away!


 

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