+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 9 FirstFirst 1234 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 88
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    1,465
    Thanks
    575
    Thanked
    597
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Firstly congratulations on your much wanted pregnancy. I'm sorry that you are feeling so sad, this should be an exciting time for you and DH but it's not.

    I think there he might be feeling a little torn and confused at the moment. I remember being pregnant with my second and thinking omg what have I done to DS? Almost like I betrayed him by having another baby. Until I realised that I was actually giving him the greatest gift of all, a sibling. Maybe DH feels similar? Like at the moment he sees his amount if love as finite rather than infinite, that is there is enough to go around for dsd and the new bub? And yes he's probably carrying some guilt over the way he raised his dd.
    Have you tried discussing what is behind these feelings? I'm assuming he wanted this baby as much as you did, I wonder what's changed since you've actually become pregnant?

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to My Beloved Ones For This Useful Post:

    Phony  (14-04-2014),VicPark  (27-10-2013)

  3. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    1,581
    Thanks
    748
    Thanked
    733
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Well as far as I knew yep he did, I had 4 ivf cycles, surgery & a mc all in nearly 3.5 yrs of trying.

    His ex gets in his ear about not forgetting his daughter & he sure seems worried about her knowing I'm pregnant, she doesn't know yet

    Either way whatever his issues are it's not mine or bubs fault that's for sure.

    Just not sure what to do from here

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to ourbradybunch For This Useful Post:

    Starfish30  (27-10-2013)

  5. #13
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    4,589
    Thanks
    1,302
    Thanked
    2,569
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    What a pig! I would be the one walking out the door.

  6. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    2,450
    Thanks
    732
    Thanked
    555
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Sounds, like a ****. He might be having the guilts about his other daughter. I felt so guilty when I had DD. But if this is the case then he should tell you that.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  7. #15
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    19,776
    Thanks
    5,212
    Thanked
    7,063
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    I can understand his guilt and wanting equality for his children, I feel very similar and that my DS have something extremely special because of the hardships we endured together and that definitely changes a relationship. I do sometimes wonder whether DS would feel that my DP loves him less or that a sibling would have more love than him if we had one. I think concern for a child's feelings and wanting to keep a peaceful balance for the child and with the ex for the sake of the child are both positive things.

    I totally do NOT understand why he is being so weird and horrible about it all I am so sorry, you poor thing

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Benji For This Useful Post:

    Rutabaga  (04-08-2014)

  9. #16
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    10,012
    Thanks
    14,124
    Thanked
    7,612
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    I think the ultimatums are crazy.

    But I do recall feeling like no other child could ever come close to my first. When I was preg with the twins, I kept thinking that they will be nice, but I always felt that I could never love my new babies as much as the first. It changes when the baby comes. I went through it again with the last bubs, it changed again.

    People always think they could never love a baby as much as the first, or that they won't be as important. But they usually are.

  10. #17
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    1,581
    Thanks
    748
    Thanked
    733
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I guess I'm not understanding why to him the new bub will be kept at arms length because of the situation with his daughter.

    He should have been honest with me & I wouldn't have put myself in the position of having a bub with him at all.

    It's not a baby's fault that it's being born into this household. He actually said to me that even with his attitude towards the baby it's still pretty lucky to be born into this house. Oh I see so a father who is certain you cannot expect him to be terribly involved due to what he can & cannot or has/hasn't done with his firstborn is a catch?

    Maybe after a few days I'll be more sympathetic to my husband but right now I hate him & would prefer he gets & stays out of my life. He is not who I thought he was.

  11. #18
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,557
    Thanked
    12,689
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    At what point did your DP flick a switch and become an @$$hole? Has something else happened in that time?

    You poor thing. Hang in there and don't so anything you do not wan to do.

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:

    Lauzy  (27-10-2013),ThenThereWereThree  (15-02-2015)

  13. #19
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    1,581
    Thanks
    748
    Thanked
    733
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    At what point did your DP flick a switch and become an @$$hole? Has something else happened in that time?

    You poor thing. Hang in there and don't so anything you do not wan to do.
    Regretfully I think there's been signs & I've ignored them. And for whatever reason he's putting me in my place or something.
    I feel really bad & protective of this poor baby but I guess it's better to know now rather than when bub is born?
    That's my positive spin on it anyhow😢

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to ourbradybunch For This Useful Post:

    JAG242  (27-10-2013)

  15. #20
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    9,994
    Thanks
    6,239
    Thanked
    15,889
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 2/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 19/3/15Busiest Member of the Week200 Posts in a week
    It is most definitely better to know now. Only you know whether the marriage is worth fighting for, or whether it's worth pursuing counselling. I just feel concerned at his ultimatum - what do you think would happen if you were to tell him to leave because you didn't agree to his terms and conditions, but you were keeping the baby? Would you be safe?

  16. The Following User Says Thank You to harvs For This Useful Post:

    JAG242  (27-10-2013)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Guilt as a SAHM
    By Little Miss Mummy in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 05-10-2013, 10:39
  2. How old is your 'baby daddy' ?
    By Calstar in forum Conception & Fertility General Chat
    Replies: 58
    Last Post: 21-07-2013, 17:38
  3. Grief and guilt
    By loodle in forum Get support from other users
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 01-06-2013, 23:32

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Tambo Teddies
Visit our online store and select your individually handmade natural sheepskin teddy bear. Our soft and loveable bears come in a range of styles and colours. Created in Outback Queensland each bear is unique individual. 100% Australian made!
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
The Fix Program Sydney CBD and Broadway
Pregnancy and women's health physio, pregnancy and new mum Pilates classes taught by our physios for you and bub. Pregnancy back and pelvic pain. Also, we treat postnatal and women of all ages. Incontinence, prolapse, sexual and pelvic pain.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!