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  1. #1
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    Default New baby daddy guilt?

    Does anyone else in a blended family feel like their other half carries guilt over not being a fulltime parent to their child with their ex?

    I think my DH is going to struggle to be a commited & involved parent to our new bub simply because he can't be as involved with DSD.

    I'm starting to think having a bub with him is a terrible idea😢 and I'm very concerned I will end up on my own rather than my child be treated as less than important because of its fathers issues/guilt.

    Please be gentle with me as I've spent most of the day crying

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    Perhaps you are worrying over nothing and he will be an outstanding father to all the kids involved.

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    Wouldn't not having his daughter around make him want to be there even more for a new baby?

    What makes you think he wouldn't be there for a new baby? Unless he was absent in his daughters life by choice, I don't see the connection?

    Are you pregnant yet? If not talk things through first.

    Good luck...

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    Yep pregnant with a hard to get bub.

    Since I've gotten pregnant he has pointedly told me that DSD always is & always has been no 1 priority in his life
    Very different from him telling me all the children are of equal importance. He says I agreed to this the day we married. In addition I agreed to keeping his ex happy wtf??

    He has also told me that certain things will not be happening with this bub as his DD never got that.
    I've pointed out I wasn't part of those decisions, they were between him & his ex.

    He's told me I have a week to decide if I agree to that & if not terminate & he'll leave.

    To say I'm shattered is an understatement.

  6. #5
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    What does he mean certain things will not be happening? I'm sorry, he sounds like he's being an a$$.

    You know, it's not up to him to decide the conditions under which you will or won't terminate. It's your choice. And it's your choice whether or not you boot him out on his backside, whether you choose to keep bub or not. I hope he's just having a freak out and will come to his senses, because he is being awful to you.

    ETA sorry that reads as though I'm being very judgmental. I just despise ultimatums.
    Last edited by harvs; 27-10-2013 at 15:59.

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    Oh my goodness you poor thing. You must be in utter shock. I think he is finding it hard in his head and feeling guilty as if having another child changes his relationship with his bio firstborn.

    Try and take it a day at a time and would it be possible to see a counseller together so that he could release his fears and you can all discuss the baby and how things are different but they aren't comparable? Or maybe he will think more about it and become comfortable after a good think.

    I see it like having 2 kids with different personalities, different little people but both special and equally loved by their parents despite the differences. As mums our love and what we can offer a child at different times in our life doesn't mean we feel less or make lesser choices for one of our children.

    I hope I haven't missed the point and got this wrong, sorry if I have.

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    He's a f**kwit. Leave.

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    Sounds like he's being a total d!ck. He can't tell you how to mother your own child nor can he force you to terminate. I think maybe the two of you need to speak to a counsellor. He's obviously got a lot of unresolved issues from his ex

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    I will be having my much longed for bub no doubts about that I'm just sad that it appears I'll be on my own.

    I've spent my time thinking we were on the same page and obviously we are not.

    In his mind if his DD doesn't have it or he hasn't been involved in it with her it will be the same for this bub. Would make for a traumatic upbringing for bub if you ask me as he hasn't lived with DSD since she was 2 & had limited contact with her ( monthly ) for the next 2 yrs as her mum moved 6+hrs away. And my understanding from him & others is that bio mum didn't allow him to be a particularly hands on parent when they lived together.

    All in all it's a messed up situation & I've either been completely blinded by him or I'm completely stupid for not seeing the situation for what it is

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    His comments and ultimatum sound so bizarre! It could be coming from guilt or from someone who is having cold feet. I hope it's only guilt and anxiety about his feelings about his daughter.

    Lots of hugs!! Don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to. Give it some time, talk to someone who is supportive, and maybe have some counselling. It must be awful to feel like this in a time that you just want to enjoy your pregnancy

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