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  1. #11
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    I'd say my kids are my life too. It was great when they were babies but now they need me less I want to find something more for me. I don't think it has to be a super social thing that depends on your personality and circumstances. I have a few great friends and I'd be lost without them but I don't have an active social life - kids and house take up so much time and are my priority. If you already have a job organised you are doing well enjoy making your family everything you will at least be exposed to the outside world once back at work. But I know how you feel that there's a kind of judgement if you aren't socialising or appearing to get me time. Some people need more outside of family/ home some don't. The only thing I would say is I'm personally finding it harder to find things outside of home after being so absorbed with the kids but I'm trying to make an effort - or I was until this surprise pregnancy has thrown things up in the air again!

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    Beefie  (28-10-2013)

  3. #12
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    Beefie, I could have written your post word for word... Hugs!

    After being hurt so many times in the past for having my heart on my sleeve, Ive closed up shop in regards to my outside life and have a very very selected few now.

    My family is my life and all I ever wanted, given my health battles Im incredibly lucky I got the change to experience it!

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    Beefie  (27-10-2013)

  5. #13
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    I hear ya. I keep myself busy though and try and have me time. I've all but given up with friends. They're here today, gone tomorrow. I make a good, loyal friend but people are just so caught up with their life. I find by husband and kids are always there for me. Someone once told me that if all is well within the home, then that is all that matters. We make sure as a family that we have an active life. I have a twin sister so occasionally we catch up with her family.

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    Beefie  (27-10-2013)

  7. #14
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    thanks for some lovely, understanding replies.
    i have given people so many chances at friendship, im constantly let down. ive just had enough of making the effort.

    Basically i begin work next year and although my kids will still be quite young, i guess i am showing them mummy does work too, like daddy and also stays home with them. I will show them equality and balance, i am not just a mummy who does mummy things. I agree with pp that is a great lesson to teach our kids.

    I understand my kids wont "need" me forever, but i am talking about right now - i am their life and i want to be with them. When they no longer need me as much, i hope to be in a successful career and working towards something for me.
    Once i start work again, maybe a life of my own may follow. As my kids will still be so little, they will still be a priority.

    I just dont have the want or need for friends or a social life right now. As weird and "not normal" as that sounds im alot more comfortable and happy with myself without ppl in my life constantly letting me down and breaking my hopes.

  8. #15
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    I think once they get older you will naturally find new and exciting things for yourself and possibly more friends. My only child is now school-aged and I feel like every few nights I am off doing something awesomely fun.

    i just wanted to mention re childless friends abandoning you, I felt very similar when I had DS but now I have had time to reflect perhaps they feel I let them down in a way, too. I couldn't leave a very small breastfed baby to go to social gatherings so perhaps the invites just stopped because they assumed I was too busy. I'm now certain they wanted me there as much as I wanted to be there but things just changed.

  9. #16
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    Are you happy with your current situation? I am not big on socializing with others but my mothers group meetings were a life saver. Not saying we all became besties (i too am a vey guarded person) but they were nice ladies and the banter was great. And in the early days in particular hubby forced me to go out by myself on the weekends (gym and then lunch at coffee club was my thing). It helped me feel like a normal person and recharged the batteries for the week ahead with bub.

    Your hubby sounds lovely for encouraging you to get out on the weekends but I couldn't handle during the week if I was you. Long work days then sport every second night? That's a bit too much when you have a family.

    Anyway the question is how are you feeling about it all? It's your feelings that count here.

  10. #17
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    Beefie my DS is my life too. It's hard to let go at times as I have raised him on my own from the day he was born with little practical support and so I had to totally put my life on hold and be his everything.

    I do have several hobbies though and we get out and about a lot and see friends with kids. I have other things going on too now, study and work etc. my son is happier when I'm happy and stimulated myself.

    I think it's fine that you feel that way as long as you're stimulated and happy. You are your kids role model, so it's really important that you are stimulated in your own right so they can get the best of you. If they are getting the best of you then that's great.

  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I think once they get older you will naturally find new and exciting things for yourself and possibly more friends. My only child is now school-aged and I feel like every few nights I am off doing something awesomely fun.

    i just wanted to mention re childless friends abandoning you, I felt very similar when I had DS but now I have had time to reflect perhaps they feel I let them down in a way, too. I couldn't leave a very small breastfed baby to go to social gatherings so perhaps the invites just stopped because they assumed I was too busy. I'm now certain they wanted me there as much as I wanted to be there but things just changed.
    Hi Benji, it was not just my child less friends abandoning, it was friends with kids too, whih made it worse - i thought they would understand alot better. They were the ones constantly standing me up. Never calling or texting to say they cant make it. One day i was left in a cafe on my own with a 14day old baby...waiting for over an hour for a "friend". Turns out she totally 'forgot' about our catch up. No call, no text untill 3 days later. I was then a first time mum and it took all my efforts to leave the house and be somewhere at a specific time. I was a very understanding person and i used to forgive and forget. But when it happens ALL THE TIME for the same reasons, i loose all sorts of respect for people. I get them out of my life.

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    Little Miss Sunshine  (28-10-2013)

  13. #19
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    I feel I am a lot like you op...I prefer to be at home with my kids. Once your little ones go to school and you get back into work your life will move forward with new friendships. But saying that I also enjoy me time alone in my room with a book or movie, the quite life...I even enjoy going to the movies by myself which is what I do when there is tension between dh and I and I need some time out lol

    Enjoy your little ones, they are your life atm and they grow up so quickly
    Last edited by ozeymumof5; 28-10-2013 at 14:31.

  14. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Are you happy with your current situation? I am not big on socializing with others but my mothers group meetings were a life saver. Not saying we all became besties (i too am a vey guarded person) but they were nice ladies and the banter was great. And in the early days in particular hubby forced me to go out by myself on the weekends (gym and then lunch at coffee club was my thing). It helped me feel like a normal person and recharged the batteries for the week ahead with bub.

    Your hubby sounds lovely for encouraging you to get out on the weekends but I couldn't handle during the week if I was you. Long work days then sport every second night? That's a bit too much when you have a family.

    Anyway the question is how are you feeling about it all? It's your feelings that count here.
    Hi VicPark, thanks for the reflective questions. It did make me think about how i am 'coping'.
    Honestly, they way i have wrapped myself up in my kids, i cant find the time to socialise. As pp said, little kids and the home take up so much time.
    DH is a social butterfly and he needs the social interaction out side of home and work. I find it exhausting! We are different personalities, i guess.
    I actually like the quiet nights to myself, after the kids have gone to bed i can relax and do what i enjoy, which is usually a beer and a movie! This is our lifestyle and its always been like this so i dont know any better. I am used to doing it on my own and wouldnt know what to do with help or if dh was home alot more.
    I feel stimulated. My kids were not easy babies. Always had to be 10 steps ahead of them. Constantly had issues as babies. They still keep me on my toes. They need to be constantly entertained and stimulated so we are out and about a fair bit mainly for DD.

    My parents have offered a million times to babysit while dh and i go out or do something together but i just dont feel the need. Kids are asleep by 7pm every night and when dh is home, we have dinner together and spend time as a couple then.

    I am very social for my kids, im aware how important that is for them at their age, i dont want to deprive them of that because of my bad experienes. I just dont want to engage myself in socialising or become too close with the "groups" because in the past, it has only made things worse and made me feel worse about myself.

    Overall. i am sad that i have had these bad social experiences. i am angry that i have let them get to me.
    Sometimes i miss being able to chat or vent to a friend who may have "been there done that" or to ask for advice or just chat about anything excpet babies! But DH is pretty good at all that too!...so is bub hub!
    However, i know i wont get this time back ever again. I know i wont regret the few years when my kids were my life, at all.
    Last edited by Beefie; 28-10-2013 at 14:27.

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    VicPark  (28-10-2013)


 

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