So if my kids ARE my life.....is this ok?
Somedays i am made to feel like a no body, a lost cause, a loser, a no life because i have revolved myself around my kids so much.
Is it my fault previous childless friends left me when i had my kids?
is it my fault i try so hard to make friendships that always end up lettiing me down and standing me up?
Is it my fault i couldnt confide in anyone during a time i was really struggling and all i wanted was for someone to make me a phone call/come over to my house when they said they would for support...then didnt?
Is it all my fault that i have learnt i can only depend on myself, DH and my kids?
i dont have a life out side my dh and kids. Our families live a fair distance away, so i dont even have family around.
i have learnt to appreciate what i have. i have learnt to be alone and do it all myself, i have learnt to put a guard up when i meet new people through playgroups, mothers groups ect because i dont want to be disappointed in people anymore.
I am hesitant when the playgroup ladies want to "catch up" with me/the group out side of playgroup. DH pushes me to go, but i just dont want to make a "connection" with any of them because i know what will happen. The friendship always drifts away and dies. Plus i feel like a bit of a social retard and have a very 'cant be botherd anymore' attitude.
I just want to be with my kids, who never ever let me down. They are the love of my life.
Sometimes i feel like i should do more for myself - get a hobby, study, join a gym, go shopping by mysefl, buy me something...whatever. But i am returning to work next year and i feel "ME STUFF" can wait untill then.
DH works stupid long hours 7am-6.30pm then plays sports every 2nd night and doesnt get home untill 11pm. So i dont get out without the kids much anyways. Weekends i want to go out as a family, if dh send me off somewhere alone, i get bored and come home lol. He says to be careful not to forget "who i am".
Im a SAHM, its all about being with my kids while they are so little, and im fine with that. This special time does not last forever, infact it will be over for me by next year. im a bit sad about that but financial reasons, i have to work just a couple days a week (my rules lol). Im only 27 and my kids are only little once. i really dont have an issue wrapping myself up in them.
.sorry, dont know if there is a point to this thread. just rambling, i suppose.