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  1. #1
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    Default Do you say something or keep your mouth closed?

    So I've been thinking about this a bit lately and was interested in others opinions.

    When you have people that are clearly in the wrong but won't take ownership, or make constant stupid decisions and refuse to have any recognition of this, are you the sort to speak up or do you believe 'if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything'?

    I'm a big over the hugs thing lately where people are basically getting validated for doing idiotic things. Are we really doing them any favours? Or am I old and cynical? lol

    eta and I should add I'm not advocating being nasty, just honesty

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    Join my old and cynical club

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    delirium  (24-10-2013)

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    It really depends on the circumstance and who they were. If it was something that put a child's welfare at risk I would say something.

    Do you have an example?

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    HarvestMoon  (24-10-2013)

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    I spoke up today with someone else and we were labelled bullies despite the person doing the same thing all the time. We were dobbed in at work by her. She is one of the protected ones.

    Sent from my GT-I9305T using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post

    Do you have an example?
    People that deliberately fall pg in really unhealthy relationships
    People that cheat and won't take ownership
    People that don't manage their money properly over and over
    People that constantly put themselves ahead of their kids

    Just generally crappy decision making over and over then won't take responsibility for it and instead want sympathy and validation.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    People that deliberately fall pg in really unhealthy relationships
    People that cheat and won't take ownership
    People that don't manage their money properly over and over
    People that constantly put themselves ahead of their kids

    Just generally crappy decision making over and over then won't take responsibility for it and instead want sympathy and validation.
    My sil & bil have done pretty much all on this list, along with despite some really good advice have ended in masses of financial hardship. Its ALWAYS someone elses fault in their opinion.

    I spoke up and went against the family to put my foot down and say enough is enough. You need to own all this. Of course then I was at fault as I wasnt supportive. I dont listen anymore. I have a saying i live by, you cant help those who dont help themselves.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    It's been a long time since I encountered people like that in real life. I'm afraid I don't tolerate them very well.

    On here? Again, I usually avoid. Probably because I fear that I don't have the patience or diplomacy to do much but tell it like it is when it comes to those kind of situations. And so few people seem to value that

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    Quote Originally Posted by Miados2007 View Post
    My sil & bil have done pretty much all on this list, along with despite some really good advice have ended in masses of financial hardship. Its ALWAYS someone elses fault in their opinion.

    I spoke up and went against the family to put my foot down and say enough is enough. You need to own all this. Of course then I was at fault as I wasnt supportive. I dont listen anymore. I have a saying i live by, you cant help those who dont help themselves.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Yep that's exactly the sort of stuff I'm talking about!

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    It really depends. Some people want to hear the truth others don't. I think offering empathy is completely different to an opinion though. If someone is clearly having mental health issues and they aren't likely to take my opinionated advice and it would possibly push them over the edge I won't give it instead I will offer empathy. I really believe when you get someone so worked up about something harping on about all the things you think they do wrong isn't going to make the situation better.

    I worked in conflict resolutions for collections and it was one thing we learnt. If I could calm down and empathise with an irate debter they were more likely to listen to me and hear me out and often compliant once they felt someone understood why they were angry. If I continued to antagonise them by being defensively rude back to their behaviour they would generally end up loosing it and shutting down the communication. Much like threads hear if you can address someone empathetically they are more inclined to here you out.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    It's been a long time since I encountered people like that in real life. I'm afraid I don't tolerate them very well.

    On here? Again, I usually avoid. Probably because I fear that I don't have the patience or diplomacy to do much but tell it like it is. And so few people seem to value that.
    Sadly I have a few family members that fit this category and on BH.... well as I said, being mean just isn't called for. But I'm finding a trend lately where pandering seems to be preferred over honesty. Honesty even worded in a kind way is bullying lately. I'm sure it's a provocative view, but no good comes from reinforcing this sort of behaviour.


 

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