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  1. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by caribbean View Post

    I wonder if she could actually go through terminating a healthy baby "a few times" when it comes down to it.
    Was wondering the same thing...

    Has she ever suffered a pregnancy loss? It sounds like they've planned this all out theoretically but perhaps are underestimating what it would be like to actually go through with that plan.....multiple times at that!

    I hope they conceive the boy the crave first time as their plan is just horrid!

    As for supporting her, I couldn't. I would tell my friend that this is something that I just don't agree with and therefore I would prefer not to be involved in their journey. I would ask her to look elsewhere for support on this....

    I can't help but feel that it would end my friendship eventually....

  2. #92
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    I have mostly girls and went through a phase of wanting a boy desperately after losing my only son to SIDS. But when we had a girl and I found out at 20 weeks, I was sad for a day and then got over it. That little girl was and still is the joy of my life. Honestly I think I prefer having girls now What your friend is doing is so wrong and selfish. When I think of all the beautiful loving women on this site desperately trying to conceive their babies- without hope or agenda as to the sex, only the hope of loving and holding their own child. and then we have this woman who wants to throw any future pregnancies away because if they are girls - disgusting!

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    Caviar  (12-11-2013)

  4. #93
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    A termination is a termination for what ever reason. Its legal and whilst u may not agree with it its a choice we have here in australia. Gender is no different than can't afford, don't want, not ready etc.
    I personally would never abort for any reason but our country is prochoice and a couple can make that choice on what ever grounds they choose.

    If your friend wants a boy so bad why does she not look into gender selection through Ivf? It's not available here in Australia for family balancing reasons although I do think it should be as this situation sadly isn't that uncommon it's just not talked about because its so taboo. 99% of people don't understand gender disappointment and that overwhelming need for a certain gender and insanely judge people for having those feelings when they have no idea how it feels.

    There is a company in Bangkok superior art who work with Genea here in Australia. If she would consider a few costly blood tests and then terminations the Ivf might not be too expensive for them and would hopefully give them a boy straight up without any terminations.

    Whilst u may not agree with her choice or do it urself she is ur friend. For her to confined in u regarding this issue would have been a very massive thing for her and shows how important a friend u are to her. Help her work through her feelings and find another alternatives. Being her friend do u think she could live with herself for terminating a baby? She may have pressure from her DH and if that's the case it's even more massive as she is the one that will have to ultimately live with it as only the woman is fully bonded to her baby before it's born. He probably won't think twice about it.

    There are more options out there than this one. Help her research so she comes to a decision that's best for her.

    Hugs these topics are very difficult.

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    Blessedwith3boys  (12-11-2013)

  6. #94
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    I'm sorry but that's not true. To some a termination is the elimination of a foetus. To others it is a killing of a human being. I include the medical community in this as I know doctors who consider the former to be a procedure of the latter. Probably because they are acutely aware as to what actually happens to the baby during this procedure. (We, as the general public, aren't).

    Not all abortions are legal. There are limits to which the law prescribes. Abortions can also be legally refused on certain grounds.

    Gender selection is not available here on principle because it is illegal and deemed to be unethical. There are cases, however, where such selection would be allowed for defective genetic/disease purposes.

    Yes, there are choices in Australia but they are within limits and all have consequences.


    A termination is a termination for what ever reason. Its legal and whilst u may not agree with it its a choice we have here in australia. Gender is no different than can't afford, don't want, not ready etc.
    Last edited by Caviar; 12-11-2013 at 14:25. Reason: typo

  7. #95
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    Wasn't taking about opinion just that it is legal here to terminate for what ever reason before 12weeks. There has been great discussion based on this new blood test becoming available and it now being possible to legally terminate based on gender as u can now 99% find out before 12weeks which wasn't before possible.

    It opens a whole big can of worms and is why the federal government is set to review the law on gender selection using Ivf here in Australia next year as these terminations are become more common than people realise.

    Unless u have been in the difficult situation of facing a termination or gender disappointment ur in no position to judge.

    I have felt the full force of gender disappointment but I would never ever terminate any baby but that is my choice. We all have a choice.

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  9. #96
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    Please don't assume that when people post an opinion different to your own that they are judging you negatively. It is simply an opinion that differs from yours. Period. We all judge. Judgement is an aspect of our behaviour as human beings. It doesn't serve any of us that it is constantly referred to as a curse.

  10. #97
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    I thought you needed a reason? Like you can't just have ' didn't want it' as the reason so it'll have dangerous to mothers mental health ( usually) or something like that. But just sorry not wanted is not legal. That's how it used to be.
    ETA: I just googled it and yes. You can't just go in and have one cause you don't want it although I think Dr's can always say that it will be dangerous for the mothers mental health if she has a baby she doesn't want and that's how they get around it.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Last edited by CleverClogs; 12-11-2013 at 15:09.

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    Caviar  (12-11-2013)

  12. #98
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    There has been great discussion based on this new blood test becoming available and it now being possible to legally terminate based on gender as u can now 99% find out before 12weeks which wasn't before possible.
    This is not new. This blood test has been available in Australia for quite some time (as in years) but only to women with increased risk factors for foetal chromosomal abnormalities. It is not allowed to be used as a gender selection tool although it is in some countries overseas.

    It opens a whole big can of worms and is why the federal government is set to review the law on gender selection using Ivf here in Australia next year as these terminations are become more common than people realise.
    The Federal Government is only set to review part of the Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) guidelines in the next few years and only part of it which pertains to clinical practice which also includes such issues as posthumous use of sperm, surrogacy, donor conception and pre-implantation genetic diagnosis. Also, you must bear in mind that four States have specific pieces of legislation that relate to the ethical use of ART and from which the federal government draws these guidelines. Should the federal government make a decision that goes against this legislation, the States would prevail.

    So, as it stands gender selection via IVF or any other means in Australia remains illegal and unethical and is unlikely to change any time soon.
    Last edited by Caviar; 12-11-2013 at 15:40. Reason: addition of a word

  13. #99
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    What I read said its up for review by NHMRC in 2014. Either way people can travel overseas for it and many couples do. They just don't talk about it for these reasons. People judge nastily. I considered superior Art as this is my 3rd boy. I love all my boys and could have a few more but I do long for a girl. I lost a little girl and can't imagine my life without a daughter. I have witnessed the nasty narrow mindedness of people who have never experience it judge so easily. I get tried of standing up for people who feel they have a decision to make for what ever reason. Life isn't as black and white as people make out.

    The blood test may have been available but not main****** like it is now. This my 5th pregnancy in 4 years and this pregnancy is the first time it was offered to me.

    People are now using this blood test to make the decision whether or not to terminate based on gender. This has increased in the last 12months due to the main****** availability of this test. Anyone can have the test now no high risk required. This means the NHMRC now needs to either change the abortion law and not allow them at all because u don't have to state ur reason is gender or they need to reevaluate the gender selection for family balancing reasons.

    I was simply trying to give the op another option besides nastily judging her friend who confided in her which took a lot of courage. I doubt she has made the decision lightly. I think going over seas and using art is much better than terminating. It is sad that couples do have to go over seas to do this but for now that is the way it is. I think the op should talk to her friend. True friends just be there no matter what.

    I lost 2 babies and had a friend terminate around the same time, it was the hardest decision of her life but being my friend I stood by her and her choice. Making her keep her baby or being angry at her for terminating it wasn't going to bring mine back.

    I used to have this fight over human embryonic stem cells (my line of work before mat leave) unethical to so many until they need the ground breaking medical science they bring.

  14. #100
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    Ok my apologies people get terminations for those reasons but yes u need to get a dr to sign off that it's no good for ur mental health. It's not actually a hard thing to do. People usually don't tell anyone about having a termination or if they do they don't discuss the reason behind it because they know they will be nastily chastised for it even by supposed good friends.

    The op stated her friend was going to terminate based on the blood test and gender outcome. Its possible to do and it happens like it or not. I personally don't agree and could never do it but its an option for people so it's up to them what they chose to do. I was simply trying to give the op another option and another side other than saying how utterly disgusting and horrible it is.

    In response to the op If she were my friend knowing she will definitely terminate another girl I would encourage her to do ART overseas.


 

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