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  1. #1
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    Default Im at my wits end with toilet training- one year on and still wetting his pants sigh!

    Honestly, I am out of ideas and so upset. I started training my son at 2.5 years old. He is now 3.5 years old and knows perfectly well how to go to the toilet - if he has no pants or jocks on. As soon as undies and shorts go on, he wets himself, and he doesnt even care! he will happily play in wet pants ugh! The moment i take him out of the house ANYWHERE in jocks and shorts, he will wet himself rather than tell me he needs to go. ive tried every tactic you can think of on this - reward systems, encoragement, asking him every 20 minutes, even leaving him wet (yes, Im desperate here!), and the opposite - telling him off/discipline also. Nothing works. Im ashamed, Im embarrased and what hurts the most is the criticism from family/friends that this is my fault! I feel terrible! I trained my oldest child DD with no problems, inside of about 6 weeks. I dont know why my DS is so different. He is also still in nappies at night.

    Please, can anyone make any suggestions? Thanks ever so much x

  2. #2
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    Would you consider pull ups? And just not mention the toilet.

    Maybe he is just not clicking when he needs the toilet when in undies, has a false idea that he's still in a nappy.

    I'm just thinking that using pull ups and leaving the issue may actually help sort it out.

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  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by dancingchipmunk View Post
    Would you consider pull ups? And just not mention the toilet. I'm just thinking that using pull ups and leaving the issue may actually help sort it out.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Hello,
    sorry yes he is in pull ups, apologies for saying nappies lol. I had hoped the same thing, and he has been in pull ups for the past year now. But once a pull up goes on, he simply uses it rather than the toilet. yet if I leave Im with no clothing on, he takes himself to the toilet without any prompting and goes perfectly.

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    Ah ok. Maybe a chat with your doctor? Just to make sure everything is ok, I'm sure it is that's just what I do when I'm like

    Good luck

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    Firstly, a HUG for the crap you've been putting up with your family. I have the same thing, it's sucks wildly and I have distanced myself from them from the time being because I just don't need the added drama (in my case my son is a late talker and I keep getting the get-him-checked-for-autism rubbish and other assumptions that are just distressing and bloody unhelpful).

    I have some suggestions which you may find useful.

    - Don't compare him with your other child. Totally different people, totally different experiences;

    - Keep in pull ups for the time being. He needs to prove he's "grown up enough" to wear undies;

    - Don't take interest. If he tells you he needs to pee/poo, just go "okay" and treat it like an everyday thing. No reactions, no angst, no bribes etc.

    - Ignore timelines. Timelines are all fine and dandy when you are looking for a ball park figure but can be upsetting when a time/date doesn't apply to your situation. Throw them away. I know four and five year olds not potty trained. So what. Each child truly is different. So is your son!

    - Your son may be getting a pay off by this little tug of war you two have got going on. Kids can be like that. Or as DancingChipmunk has said, some kids are confused and need more time to get used to the whole shebang. You really need to be patient and stop worrying about outside influences.

    HTH

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    Caviar  (13-11-2013)

  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by happy wanderer View Post
    Firstly, a HUG for the crap you've been putting up with your family. I have the same thing, it's sucks wildly and I have distanced myself from them from the time being because I just don't need the added drama (in my case my son is a late talker and I keep getting the get-him-checked-for-autism rubbish and other assumptions that are just distressing and bloody unhelpful).

    I have some suggestions which you may find useful.

    - Don't compare him with your other child. Totally different people, totally different experiences;

    - Keep in pull ups for the time being. He needs to prove he's "grown up enough" to wear undies;

    - Don't take interest. If he tells you he needs to pee/poo, just go "okay" and treat it like an everyday thing. No reactions, no angst, no bribes etc.

    - Ignore timelines. Timelines are all fine and dandy when you are looking for a ball park figure but can be upsetting when a time/date doesn't apply to your situation. Throw them away. I know four and five year olds not potty trained. So what. Each child truly is different. So is your son!

    - Your son may be getting a pay off by this little tug of war you two have got going on. Kids can be like that. Or as DancingChipmunk has said, some kids are confused and need more time to get used to the whole shebang. You really need to be patient and stop worrying about outside influences.

    HTH
    On the contrary, I found that rewards or "bribes", as you call them, worked really well for my kids. Then again, not all tricks will work equally well on every kid.

    Be Inspired, I understand that you sound pretty upset right now but you must be careful not to show this to your kids. Desperation will make things worse. Like what happy wanderer said, try not to take any interest in how he's performing. Just treat it like it's an ordinary thing that everybody does. In fact, the worst thing that you can possibly do is to lose your temper as your kids will be frightened and they'll start to hate using the potty.

    We've always retained a strong principle of not scolding our kids for soiling their diapers or making a mess during their potty use though, so that's something to keep in mind.
    Last edited by BH-community; 26-02-2014 at 10:35.

  8. #7
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    Hi, I started tt my 3 year old son on Sunday, what I have found so far: Sunday - had a few accidents... , Monday I found he was holding his wee in... but I absolutely asked him every 5 mins all day does he have to go? and kept saying ''no wee wee in undies'', then I set the egg timer and would put him on every 20 mins for 5-10 mins... I think he has gotten the hint so far... but yea please don't listen to what family says, they can be your own worst enemy too. plus boys can be harder to tt. I make a big deal with clapping and hi 5's when he goes..

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    We have been trying to toilet train DS for the past year too. He is now 3.5.
    We tried reward and praise. ..but looking back I think he just wasn't ready when we initially started.
    It's only been the last two months that it finally clicked and he is now dry overnight and takes himself to the toilet during the day.

    When he went to the potty we praised him heaps in an excited tone and told him we were proud. When he didn't quite make it we told him he needed to try a little harder next time but didnt make a big issue of it.

    My only advice is to keep persisting wuth positive praise and try not to let you DS see that you're upset or frustrated when he does have an accident. Just remind him where he needs to go when he needs to wee or poo (I also got my DS to repeat it back to me)

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    Last edited by Night Owl; 13-11-2013 at 17:20.

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  11. #9
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    You poor thing - how frustrating! You may have already done this, but have you tried taking him out to choose his own undies and getting him a bit excited about it? Then it could be his job to look after his special new undies and keep them dry. Maybe enlist the help of your judgmental family to also get excited and make a bit of a fuss (in a positive way) about the new undies.

    Also, have you tried the 3 day potty training website? You can join and then you get access to a helpdesk, so you can email your questions in and they suggest ideas to help you. I used it for DD and it was well worth it. Sounds like you could use a bit of support.

    Whatever you decide to do, I would stop training altogether for a month or so to let his old behaviours / associations stop. (If you happen to go on holidays or have some other change during this period, all the better as it will interrupt his current behavioural patterns). That also gives you time to regroup, work out a plan and then start afresh.

    Good luck training your little man.
    Last edited by Cdro; 13-11-2013 at 17:26.

  12. #10
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    Firstly I'm so sorry that your friends & family are being so negative! Don't listen to them.

    I'm certainly no expert as I'm tt my almost 3 yr old now, second try. The first round was a couple of months ago and he started really well then regressed big time. I ended up getting so annoyed and angry co she obviously knew how to do it...it wasn't helping. So against my mums and MILs 'advice' I gave up for a few months. He started showing interest again 2 weeks ago and has been doing really well. He doesn't care if we are 'happy and proud' as he says.... However if he gets to call Bob the builder and Wendy, he gets very excited about doing a wees.

    Maybe just give up for a few weeks and then start afresh?


 

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