+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 39
  1. #21
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    1,427
    Thanks
    497
    Thanked
    1,588
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Reading that I think I would cut my losses.

    If he gets himself sorted out you can always get back together if the timing is right, if he has drifted for so long it sounds like he has no real motivation to make any changes.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    3,525
    Thanks
    1,890
    Thanked
    2,539
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    It's really up to you OP, and I really don't think it's anybody else's right to tell you what you *should* do. As long as you're completely honest with your partner, whether you end up as joint or co-parents, then it's your choice as long as you're both informed and willing

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    1,083
    Thanks
    200
    Thanked
    425
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Just one more thing. Ive given up trying to change people. Its not your job to try and change someone, they are the way they are.

    You have to ask yourself 'are you willing to wait around for him to MAYBE change and MAYBE become the man you want/need?' Thats unfair on BOTH of you IMO.

  4. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to loislane2010 For This Useful Post:

    jfblady72  (11-08-2014),Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (21-10-2013),Starfish30  (21-10-2013),SuperGranny  (21-10-2013)

  5. #24
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    1,342
    Thanks
    595
    Thanked
    395
    Reviews
    6
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    My ex suffers depression along with other things. There are many reasons why we split, but his mental health issues and lack of wanting to do anything real to sort himself out was a huge part in all our troubles. I fell pregnant with number three on the night we left (goodbye sex?), anyhoo, we co-parent three kids now. I just want to add that co-parenting with someone who is depressed can be kinda scary. I have had to leave my three girls with him when he is not so great, and when he lacks parenting skills. I am thankful that he takes them to his parents on his weekends, but just adding tot he mix that its not just co-parenting, its co-parenting with someone who has mental health issues and lacks parenting skills.
    Please anyone reading this dont think I am saying people with mental health issues are not good parents, I am saying MY ex, who has VERY few parenting skills (he never helped raise them when we were together), and mental health issues combined can be hard. Also, all of the things I was cross with him for in our relationship did not change in all the years I knew/know him. Now I just have to let go alot and send my daughters to him knowing that I have no say over what goes on over there unless there are actual and real safety issues.
    Also I want to add, that I was 32, divorced and had three children (one still a baby) when I started a relationship with my now lifepartner and father to my fourth child. I have never been happier and can finally live life as it should be.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to LotusMum For This Useful Post:

    Dreamer1  (21-10-2013)

  7. #25
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Gippsland
    Posts
    14,663
    Thanks
    1,208
    Thanked
    3,839
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Yes, I did EXACTLY this. My DS's father is now my ex.

    DON'T DO IT.

  8. #26
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    1,391
    Thanks
    812
    Thanked
    688
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I don't think you can ever be 100% sure that someone will always be 'the one'. You never know what will happen. But I think what you need to look at is the reasons why you have doubts.
    It sounds to me that he doesn't even look after himself so I wouldn't be able to trust him to care for a child. It also seems to me like he might be depressed (not changing his clothes or bothering to be clean, and you mentioned self-confidence issues) so no, I wouldn't knowingly start a family with this man at this point in time. If having children SOON is very important to you, then you need to think about whether you are prepared to wait for him to pick up his act.

  9. #27
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Hun forget about the 70% from your post it sounds like you are having doubts about having kids with this man, it's that simple.

    I personally do not think its wise or fair to bring a kid into a situation such as yours (living with inlaws, neither parent in substantial employment, partner with depression issues). Having kids is bloody hard work and if you have to do it while studying/living with inlaws/having no money/waiting for hubby's depression to improve then that is extra stress you don't need.

    Is there a reason why you have to ttc now? If you are prepared to wait a few years before ttc solo with the help of IVF then why do you need to ttc with your hubby now?

    I think before having kids with someone you need to be darned sure its a good idea. Can people be 100% sure? Probably not. But I would be shooting for at least 95% before ttc.

    Good luck
    Last edited by VicPark; 21-10-2013 at 16:49.

  10. #28
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    320
    Thanks
    240
    Thanked
    150
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by LotusMum View Post
    My ex suffers depression along with other things. There are many reasons why we split, but his mental health issues and lack of wanting to do anything real to sort himself out was a huge part in all our troubles. I fell pregnant with number three on the night we left (goodbye sex?), anyhoo, we co-parent three kids now. I just want to add that co-parenting with someone who is depressed can be kinda scary. I have had to leave my three girls with him when he is not so great, and when he lacks parenting skills. I am thankful that he takes them to his parents on his weekends, but just adding tot he mix that its not just co-parenting, its co-parenting with someone who has mental health issues and lacks parenting skills.
    Please anyone reading this dont think I am saying people with mental health issues are not good parents, I am saying MY ex, who has VERY few parenting skills (he never helped raise them when we were together), and mental health issues combined can be hard. Also, all of the things I was cross with him for in our relationship did not change in all the years I knew/know him. Now I just have to let go alot and send my daughters to him knowing that I have no say over what goes on over there unless there are actual and real safety issues.
    Also I want to add, that I was 32, divorced and had three children (one still a baby) when I started a relationship with my now lifepartner and father to my fourth child. I have never been happier and can finally live life as it should be.



    I had to respond to this, it reminds me to my situation so much, just one with one on the way though (let's try again sex, wait, no you're never going to change) I've not left dd with him. I'm dreading the day. And your finding someone again, even with a baby is lovely to hear

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Dreamer1 For This Useful Post:

    LotusMum  (23-10-2013)

  12. #29
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    1,342
    Thanks
    595
    Thanked
    395
    Reviews
    6
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Yeah, Im sure my story isnt so unusual. ;-)
    I felt like I was a bit safer letting the little one go to him as she had her bigger sisters with her, and we made it a drawn out process with steps up 3 to 6 months at a time and checking on how baby was dealing with it all. Feel free to pm me if you want to discuss this.
    Lol and I didnt just find my perfect life partner with a baby, I found him with a ex husband and THREE children hanging around, AND I am an AP type parent so bub was demand breastfeeding and co-sleeping and all sorts. He had a lot to take on and rose to the occasion beautifully.
    I am not unusual, Im sure not special or anything, and I really dont see why others cant find a happy ending no matter what that might be.

  13. #30
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    1,110
    Thanks
    70
    Thanked
    652
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Children only make things harder and shouldn't be purposely brought into an unstable relationship. If you're at all uncertain about your relationship with your DP and by the sounds of things you very much are.. then children should be the furthest thing from your mind. You need to sort out whether you can spend the rest of your life with this man remembering that once you have children whether you break up or not he will be in your life forever (maybe not as your partner but as the father of your child/ren).


 

Similar Threads

  1. Thoughts about starting a family while still studying.
    By bambipickle in forum Hubbers who are studying
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 07-10-2013, 16:09
  2. Starting a Family Day Care in Melbourne - where to start
    By kasuni in forum Working From Home
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 05-05-2013, 07:19
  3. Starting Family Day care
    By GabberQueeN83 in forum Working Hubbers - Employed
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 09-01-2013, 09:38

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
BAE The Label
Versatile, premium maternity wear that you will love throughout pregnancy and long after. Cleverly designed for for all stages of motherhood so that you can 'Just be you (+1)'.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Little Kickers NSW
Little Kickers was launched in 2002 in the UK and arrived Down Under in 2009. Our motto is “Play not Push” and we provide a positive fun-filled soccer program for children aged 18 months -7 years in a vibrant, group play environment.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!