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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juggles View Post
    Really? I feel like it's so hard to find a good partner, where are all the good men? I have to face the real possibility that I won't find anyone any time soon.
    I may be naive in this area, dh and I have been together since we were 19. I do agree with shelle65 - raising a child 'together' does not have to be a necessity and can end up quite a positive experience. But, it can also get very messy so I think choosing the right partner to coparent with is important regardless.

    I guess in your shoes I don't know what I would do. I definitely wouldn't TTC yet, but would I leave the relationship? I don't know. I would probably start to squirrel money away for savings for potential sperm donor in the future though.

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  3. #12
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    Juggles I think you are selling yourself short. Don't be scared in thinking you are too old to start all over again in a relationship. I was 32 when I decided to go on the Internet to find love. The man I met was 37 at the time. 9 months later we were married with 3 beautiful girls later. I felt 100% ready to start a family with him as he is my everything and you deserve the same. There are a lot of fish in the sea. Maybe try the Internet and be patient. I went with RSVP. You could narrow it down to exactly what you are looking for. People are registering everyday on it.

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    Juggles  (20-10-2013)

  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by schmetterling18 View Post
    I squirrel money away for savings for potential sperm donor
    Definitely! And a house deposit too!

  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juggles View Post

    If we do stay together, I would wait until DP is full-time employed and in better mental health before we TTC.
    Has he had his sh!t together before and the depression/lack of self care/underemployment a recent thing?

    If it is an ongoing pattern in his life (and to be honest, unless he has had some crisis that has brought him, at age 45, living back at home with his parents that in itself is not a good sign) then no, I would not plan for a family with him. Once a baby comes along you won't have time to be a Mum to a grown man as well.

    I would cut my losses.

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  8. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopefulmum2 View Post
    Maybe try the Internet
    Your story does give me some hope The thought of having to go back to the dating scene is pretty depressing though.

    I wish someone had given me a lesson in life planning when I was in my 20s!

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by NoteToSelf View Post
    Has he had his sh!t together before and the depression/lack of self care/underemployment a recent thing?

    If it is an ongoing pattern in his life (and to be honest, unless he has had some crisis that has brought him, at age 45, living back at home with his parents that in itself is not a good sign) then no, I would not plan for a family with him. Once a baby comes along you won't have time to be a Mum to a grown man as well.

    I would cut my losses.
    He used to have his s**t together before we met. He owned a house with his previous GF and worked in a stressful professional job. He hated his job so quit, and went traveling, for several years doing volunteer English teaching. That's when we met. At the time I had a lot of respect for him having the balls to quit his job and start a new life (but now where does it leave us??). We moved into the granny flat of the in-laws because I wanted to study and he hadn't found full-time work yet... That was a few years ago. In the time I have known him he has never worked full-time, only freelance jobs, part-time, casual, etc. He was thinking of retraining but doesn't follow through on it.

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  11. #17
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    Im not sure the leopard will change his spots, personally I would move on and look for true love, you are still young and deserve the best! Good luck

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  13. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juggles View Post
    I love DP like a friend at the moment, I'm not IN love like before. But everyone has rough patches right?
    I've been with my DH for 9 years. He is my best friend. And although he can drive me nuts sometimes, I am still very much IN love with him. The very thought of us not being together feels like someone has taken a cheese grater to my insides.
    So yes, people have rough patches but I think if you're questioning whether you're IN love with him or not then you probably know the answer to your question
    It seems like you know what you want in life, and that positive attitude will definitely help if you chose to find a new partner!

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  15. #19
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    I haven't read all of the responses, but I personally wouldn't. Having a baby puts a lot of pressure on even the most amazing relationships. If there is already doubts, they are only going to get worse.

  16. #20
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    I think you need to work on your relationship first and see where that goes.
    You and your DP need to sit down and communicate everything to him. Type/write it out if you need to.

    Personally I've found the older the guy, the less they will put the effort in to change.
    I wish you the best though!


    Single mummy to a wonderful DS (Born 11/12/2008)


 

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