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  1. #21
    ~Marigold~'s Avatar
    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bergeron View Post
    Not a bad mum at all!!!! The opposite actually.
    Dh and I use to be very over weight, I was 120 kilos, and for dinner as a family we would have so much crap, oily, food.
    I would also let the kids have coke with meals *don't shoot me* when my youngest was 2 I didn't want my children to turn into me!
    Unhappy, unhealthy, sick...

    I had been dieting myself for a few months and tried to get dh,ds and dd to have what I was having but for peace and quiet I would just give in and give them what they wanted.
    One day I cleared everything crap from the house (my kids actually cried when I did this) We went to a fruit and veg market and stocked up (with crying kids in tow) I didn't even buy meats as I knew my kids would just eat that and avoid the 'new stuff'
    It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
    I did it on a bad payweek so the last bit of our money was spent on fruit and veg.. No one could go buy anything else, there was nothing left in the house so there was no other options.
    My husband acted like he had been robbed. He was pretty p!ssed off.
    My kids hated me, dd who was 2 didn't eat a thing for 3 days and cried constantly that she was hungry, ds said horrible things to me, but all I offered was wholesome food for their complaints.
    On day 4 everyone caved and ate dinner (which was salad wraps) each day after that got better and better.
    After a good week of eating what I served I started putting meats back on the plate and they did eat equal enough portions of each, which I was happy with.

    I have never felt like such a b*tch in my life when I did that.
    It's been nearly 2 years since that change.
    Dd has no more eczema.
    Ds behaviour has been great.
    Dh was 110 kilos, he is now 80
    I was 120kgs I'm now 68
    The kids stuff around at meal times, yes, they don't sit and eat up but at least now if they don't eat dinner because they have been distracted or what not, they will come to me an hour or so later asking for something healthy, which is a huge improvement!!!
    I'm trying to work on having them eat when dinner is served instead of having sibling rivalry games

    We have nothing crap in the house anymore.
    No coke, nothing is in packages and it's all fresh.
    The only thing bad in the house is a bottle of cordial that I've had here for over a week now for me to mix in with dd's medicine (I tried some of the medicine and it's nasty hence the cordial)
    There would be 20 ml gone from the bottle, it's only been used for her medicine. Ds hasn't even asked for some.
    If that was in the house 2 years ago, it would have been drained within 2 days.

    In the beginning I remember the kids would scream for McDonalds... In the car, shops, anywhere they seen McD they would scream bloody murder for it.
    So I would go, but just get a fruit bag, a small garden salad with a bottle of water.
    I made sure they ate at least some if it too, they only asked 3-4 times then never mentioned mcdonalds again lol.

    It's hard. But it really is short term pain for long term gain.
    In the first few days I felt like I was starving them and being unreasonable, my dr assured me that no child who can either open a fridge or has food sat in front if them daily will starve.
    He said they will try not to eat, but if food is around human instinct will make them eat it.
    I wish I had have done that when DS was younger. He is now a teenager and eats no vegies at all. I am so embarrassed. I tried, but obviously gave in to him. He is a young man now and I still hide vegetables in his food. With DD I have done the exact opposite- she is almost 15 months and eats peas like lollies, walks around sucking on florets of broccoli (and smooshing them all over the tiles, but I don't care as long as she is eating her vegies!) and her favourite meal is baby corn spears, cold, straight out of the tin. "hot chips" to her are crumbed sticks of sweet potato baked in the oven. I vowed to never go through the stress and worry of having a child who refuses vegies.

  2. #22
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    It's good to read the different perspectives.
    This is why I feel so conflicted about how hard to push the food issue.
    I remember as a kid having to finish my food before being allowed to leave the table. As an adult I still love foods from my childhood and consider myself to be not fussy and love my veggies. I do however have portion control problems.
    I guess if healthy foods are what is available and offered most of the time, then it should be a good start. From what lots of people say, most kids do get better with age, so fingers crossed.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by btmac View Post
    I'm probably going to get flamed for this - which is usually when I delete before posting. I want to give you a different perspective.

    I was raised in a house where I was made to eat what was put in front of me, if I didn't I went to bed hungry. Food was a battle and it was a battle that no one actually wins IMO.

    I went to bed hungry more often than not and then would sneak food during the day or off friends at school.

    I have had lifelong problems with food and to this day still struggle.

    Please don't make mealtimes a battle there are other, gentler ways to get your children to eat well. By making meal times a safe place where tasting and trying do not lead to - "you must eat" - you will be surprised by how much braver children will be with food.

    Just IMO
    I think there is difference though between making kids eat something they genuinely dislike and simply being firm about acceptable meal choices. Parents do need to guide their children in this and set boundaries like with anything, but boundaries with food don't have to cause trauma if done in the right way.

    I agree with many other posts, my 3yo DS is given the same meal as us, as I am not cooking different meals to order, and if he refuses to eat stuff I know he likes simply through fussiness then there is no alternative and no dessert. He usually ends up happily eating it a little while later, and we praise even a few spoonfuls. But I would never make him clear his plate. He chooses how much to eat, within reason, and we will encourage him to have more if its only a little bit, but not make a big deal of it as ultimately he knows the result. I believe this kind of attitude is fair and encourages healthy attitudes towards food without letting kids get away with demanding whatever they want!

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  5. #24
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    I remember this with my now 14 yr old who was into playing her Nintendo when she was about 4. I said 'A meal is like a level, you eat your meal you get to go to the next one ie, dessert. You don't, you keep on the same level until you complete it.' She once stayed on the same 'level' for 2 and a half days.

    Mean enough?

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    I think is most definitely a difference between "clear your plate or don't leave the table" and "this is what's for dinner tonight and you need to at least taste it" if my son doesn't finish his dinner, that's ok. But we don't offer anything else. I figure that if he's not hungry enough to finish his dinner, then he's not actually all that hungry. If he really doesn't like something, there is always other foods that would be acceptable to him as well. If it's something new, ill always serve it with a side of something I know he will like. That way I know he will eat some,thing! If he eats his side and is still hungry, but not hungry enough to taste the new food, then I figure he's not that hungry!!

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    Agree you shouldn't force them to finish, but eating something is preferable.
    DD 2 yo refused to touch a meal the other day which is usually her favourite. This had been going on for a few days.
    She just threw her cutlery with a "No!" in the end. So she went to bed without her favourite teddy. She wailed for about 20 minutes before falling asleep but she ate dinner the next day.

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    Forcing your child to eat everything on their plate is very very different to encouraging healthy eating and trying new foods. If my children are offered a new food there is an expectation they will try it or no dessert. And if they refuse to eat a reasonable serving of their veggies in a reasonable time frame there is also no dessert- if you aren't hungry enough to eat 5 mouthfuls of veggies you certainly don't need a bowl of fruit and yoghurt. I nurse and see many children with bowel and gut issues and when you question their diets the parents admit they don't know the last time their 15 year old ate a piece of fruit or a veggie (other than potato chips)- these kids don't get this way by eating veg as babies and toddlers they get this way as they are never strongly encouraged to do something they don't want to do. They hopefully are so grossed out by 2l of movicol and massive enemas to clear their impacted bowel to make dietary changes but it's easier to make them in a 2 year old than a 15 year old.

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    I don't think you are a mean Mummy at all and see how she goes for a few days.

    My oldest DD (9) has issues with food. Does not help she feels sick when she stresses. We have had advice for her to ensure meal times are calm and not to push anything to the point that she gets emotional, but to mainly encourage by example. There is no 'currency' attached to meal times in our house. So she tries the dinner and since things have calmed down will more often than not eat most of her dinner or 9 fork fulls. There are certain things that she flat out refuses to eat e.g rice (she was stripped naked at the table and put in the bath by her aunt because she wouldn't eat fried rice, I found out well after the fact).

    I guess I could have gone down a similar path and made her eat dinner or nothing at all but after talking to Butterfly foundation (as we live with someone who is Bulimic) I am much more comfortable letting her come to it in her own time. I do try and make sure when she does eat like afternoon tea that it is healthyish food.

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    I don't think you are mean SPG....you need to turn things around and are being firm and have good boundaries in place.

    I agree that there is a huge difference between expecting kids to clear their plate and having expectations that children will eat what you eat.

    The rule in our house is `you eat until your tummy is full', I do not expect my kids to clear their plates. At the same time we never ever do dessert (there are no rewards for finishing dinner, it is just dinner, not a chore to be got through) and never ever cook separate meals. If they clear their plates and are still hungry they get more dinner dished up!

    There are some foods that the kids genuinely do not like (feta cheese and olives spring to mind) but generally they eat what is served, if they don't like a particular component of a meal, they can eat around it (we never comment on this).

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    I don't think you are a mean mummy at all, I wish I had your strength!

    My 3 year old is a terrible eater. And I know it's all my fault. She has always been petite and I worry about her size. So when she started refusing most foods at around 18 months I gave in to her just so she would eat something! Unfortunately now I'm stuck with an almost 3.5 year old whose dinners consist of either mini pizzas, crumbed chicken, sausages and vegie sticks. She won't eat anything mushy or with a sauce. So no Spag Bol, baked beans, casseroles etc. I have no idea how to break this habit. I would love to have the strength to do what you did but I don't even know where to start....just a little bit of saucy food on the side? Giving her no other option? She is so strong willed we have had hour long battles to get her to eat a pea sorry for the vent and crashing your post OP!


 

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