Hi all. I'm not sure what to do. I can't stand my Dh touching me or even hugging me. He has never been physically violent toward me but tonight I dreamt he was and I felt scared.
The root of these feelings goes back- I had pnd 2007-2011 and he couldn't cope with helping me. In February this year I found he'd been cheating with multiple women- prostitutes even, over a 3.5 year period.
He was desperately sorry and vowed to stop and has been very family focuses and supportive ever since. We have been to counseling which helped but we're not going currently.
Since a month ago I just can't stand him touching me. I feel repulsed by him. Don't want to kiss him, and just feel like he is dirty.
Most of our friends can't believe I even tried to reconcile with him when I found out about all the cheating. I am wondering if I was just craving the attention so badly, and had such low self esteem, that I wasn't seeing clearly that what he had done was a deal breaker.
I am confused. I don't know if this is my gut telling me " you tried to give him one last try but stop flogging the dead horse" or something else?
I feel stuck. I know that if I end it it is truly over and I am scared of that. Scared of being like my parents and scared of damaging my children like I was damaged as a result of my parents divorce.