+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 19 of 19
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    17,747
    Thanks
    5,085
    Thanked
    8,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank you
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    Thanks everyone.

    I'm not sure what to do... to cut him off entirely... I don't know if I could. I still love him, cos he's my dad. I also think I desperately want his approval and praise. And for him to really mean it (so far I don't think any that I have gotten from him was "real," if that makes sense). It's pretty pathetic really to be a grown woman but want your dad to tell you that he's proud of you or whatever.

    I have to go do something to de-stress. My anxiety is going nuts... I can feel all that adrenaline running around my body. I'm so annoyed that I've let it flare up... I can usually control it better.

    Blergh.
    I don't think it's pathetic to want your Dad's genuine love, acceptance and approval. I think that's a really normal thing to want. You want them to say that they're proud of you, of who you are and what you do.

    Your dad is not a good person to have in your life though. He causes you pain and anxiety and I don't imagine that this will change. I guess your choices are to keep him in your life and accept him for what he is or to just shut the door, maybe not forever, but for now. You have to think of your daughter too, do you really want him in her life? The potential damage that he could cause her, well I don't know if I'd risk it.

  2. #12
    Busy-Bee's Avatar
    Busy-Bee is offline Offending people since before Del :D
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    11,183
    Thanks
    3,664
    Thanked
    4,704
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank you
    I have cut a brother out of my life. It is only with age that I have been able to process and deal with it better.

    Long story short, he bullied me my entire childhood, he made Mum and Dad's life hell for years, he was regularly in trouble with police and even as an adult he is just cr@p at dealing with life. There is more and it is very ugly but you get teh idea. I've realised that I don't like him as a person. Actually, I dislike him. We have no contact with each other. The only time we might see each other is if we run into each other at Mum and Dads. DF and I are getting married next year, he will not get an invitation.

    We have no contact points, (eg mutual friends, FB etc). At the very most Mum and Dad may give me an update about him but that's it. Cut the contact points, get him out of your life. Unfortunately there is nothing in your power that you can do to save these girls from his clutches. The only think I would suggest is to find a charity that helps girls out of the sex industry in Thailand and make it your thing to regularly donate.

    I don't mean to sound condescending but I think time with more life maturity (ie, yours) will help.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,869
    Thanks
    879
    Thanked
    1,201
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I also wanted to add, I cut my dad off in 2005. It was kind of forced as he was removed but I then chose not to have contact again. I know I did want his approval but after thinking about it I realised his approval wasn't valuable. I looked at his values (few) and his beliefs (he believed in him being no. 1) and realised he had very little of value. Why would this person's approval be something I was holding out for especially when time and time again I was disappointed or knocked down by him. I found someone else to offer that approval- my ds. I live by what values I think he would want in a mum.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to BbBbBh For This Useful Post:

    Redcorset  (12-10-2013)

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    711
    Thanks
    440
    Thanked
    318
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    OP honestly, you need to seek counselling to help you resolve your feelings about your Dad. What you are feeling is perfectly normal (seeking approval etc) so you need some techniques for managing your feelings and probably learning to accept that he will never be the man/father you want him to be. I've had a few friends in similar situations and the best thing has been counselling to help understand their feelings.

    Is it possible to cut ties? And if so, ask anyone associated with him to not discuss with you what is going on in his life.

    Bear in mind that anyone can conceive a child but can't necessarily nurture and parent a child. It's so sad that it's happened to you =(

    Also, don't let this bad example taint your own self worth or expectations in a relationship.

  6. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,689
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    I would get it off my chest once and tell him I wasn't impressed with his exploiting young children. If you really wanted a relationship with him still you would have to then not say anything further. By telling him you aren't impressed you are not putting him on a pedestal. By not harping on about it, you are still allowing for a relationship.

  7. #16
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    1,146
    Thanks
    251
    Thanked
    371
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    You know why you feel this way? Because you are a decent human being.

    I'm sure deep down some part of you wishes he was different & it shocks & appalls you that he is the way he is, because you clearly aren't like that.

    At the end of the day, he's your father, he's your blood & the things that he does will affect you, because you care.

    It sounds like he isn't a positive influence on your life, but I guess you just need to let go & accept that he is the way he is & consider whether you want him in your life.... Sometimes you are better off without the stress!

  8. #17
    Busy-Bee's Avatar
    Busy-Bee is offline Offending people since before Del :D
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    11,183
    Thanks
    3,664
    Thanked
    4,704
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank you
    I went to bed thinking about this.

    The reason people get dissapointed with others is that our expectations have not been met. You expect your father to be supportive of you, act with morals, treat people ethically and with dignity, have age appropriate relationships etc and why wouldn't you! That's what Dad's are supposed to do! I told DF once that to a young girl, their Dad is like every superhero wrapped up in one. He is strong, brave and the ultimate hero. Nothing can do you harm when your Daddy is there to protect you. It's not unreasonable to have assumed that your Dad should take this role in your life but unfortunately he has proven time and time again that he is not capable of this. It doesn't appear to be in his nature. Perhaps it's time to reset your expectations?

    And if he's reading this then I would like to take the opportunity to say firstly, how would you like an old man (that's you) to treat your daughter and granddaughter the way you treat your current squeeze? Secondly, you have an extraordinarily bright, charming, interesting and corageous daughter, none of it thanks to you.

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Busy-Bee For This Useful Post:

    Benji  (12-10-2013),dancingchipmunk  (12-10-2013)

  10. #18
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    South East QLD
    Posts
    4,034
    Thanks
    3,349
    Thanked
    1,623
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Busy-Bee View Post
    I went to bed thinking about this.

    The reason people get dissapointed with others is that our expectations have not been met. You expect your father to be supportive of you, act with morals, treat people ethically and with dignity, have age appropriate relationships etc and why wouldn't you! That's what Dad's are supposed to do! I told DF once that to a young girl, their Dad is like every superhero wrapped up in one. He is strong, brave and the ultimate hero. Nothing can do you harm when your Daddy is there to protect you. It's not unreasonable to have assumed that your Dad should take this role in your life but unfortunately he has proven time and time again that he is not capable of this. It doesn't appear to be in his nature. Perhaps it's time to reset your expectations?

    And if he's reading this then I would like to take the opportunity to say firstly, how would you like an old man (that's you) to treat your daughter and granddaughter the way you treat your current squeeze? Secondly, you have an extraordinarily bright, charming, interesting and corageous daughter, none of it thanks to you.
    Fantastically said!

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  11. #19
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    8,544
    Thanks
    1,351
    Thanked
    2,307
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    It sucks when your dad doesn't act well like a Dad. Its totally normal to want your Dad to be a super hero. Thats what we all want. I think when people act like douchebags its because on some level their needs haven't been met as a child and they never really learn to live life in a positive, normal, adult way.Not that that fact is an excuse but often the person cannot or will not seek help to change. It is very sad that he is exploiting young females abd coupled with the cheating things indicates a person with little self respect fir himself or others.

    It sounds to me like he is a person that causes you untold pain. Personally I would write him a letter or email telling him how you feel. Otherwise I would have as little contact as possible. There doesn't seem to be much point. And I think supporting a charity as mentioned above is a lovely idea.


 

Similar Threads

  1. How close are you to your family members
    By wantmore in forum General Chat
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 20-02-2013, 23:33
  2. Ungrateful family members?
    By Renn in forum Issues with Family Members
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 15-12-2012, 14:24

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Springfree Trampoline
Give the Ultimate Christmas Gift Springfree Trampoline
The World's Safest Trampoline™ is now also the world's first Smart Trampoline™. Sensors on the mat detect your every move and your jumps control fun, educational and active games on tablet. Secure the Ultimate Christmas Gift today!
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
Ro and Co
Ro and Co kids cooking classes and parties are a fantastic way for children to experiment with food. The classes and parties are designed to be both educational and fun, giving your child the skills they need to be confident and creative in the kitchen.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!