I've spoken about my dad on here a million times... and I HATE that I cannot move past the emotions that get dragged up whenever something happens regarding him.
For those who don't know anything about the backstory, here's some bullet points to give you a brief run-down:
*Ex-military man, who is used to being told what to do. This, in turn, had him running our family like he was the drill sergeant and we his p*ssants.
*Chauvanist. Women are there to do as they're told.
*Doesn't much like that I don't just sit by and be a good little girl, so we have a difficult relationship (I will vocally oppose that crap)
*Stalked me online several times... discovering me here on BH where I was posting about my eating disorder at the time. He decided to bring this up in the car (me, him, my daughter, his new wife and her kid all in the car), saying, "So, are you still *puts fingers down throat depending to vomit*???" *laughing*
*Only ever contacts me to get me to do something for him (usually get him someone's details or pass on a message
*Cheated on his last wife with a 25-year-old ex-hooker (1 year younger than I was at the time).
Now... I just discover he's with a new girl. She's 10 years, minus 1 day, older than my daughter. She is JUST 18, as of late July.
He lives in a poor country (because he didn't want to work anymore... and he can live there cheaply forever without having to work) where women often resort to the sex trade or marrying old white men for support. I HATE that he's exploiting some poor girls crappy situation for his own filthy, creepy urges.
I feel DIRTY and ASHAMED that I come from him. That i come from THAT.
I just wish I felt NOTHING though. Apart from mild "ew," or something, but I HATE that is has me thinking aobut nothing else since I found out tonight. I cannot stop thinking aobut it, from feeling sick about it.
How do you stop? How do you just stop having an emotional response? This isn't something that should be shocking to me... I know how he is... but I feel upset and disappointed in him regardless.
I want to NOT feel that way. I want to feel mild disgust but that's it. Like I would if I was reading this thread that someone else posted.
Also... BARELY 18? Are you freaking serious?! How revolting can you get.